Heartbroken could my husband be seeing an escort!

[MrsEc24]

Hi I have never posted on this before but I'm at my wits end, I can't talk to friends or family and really need some help.
I have known my husband for 8 yrs married for 4 we have a 16 month old child and I thought we were happy. When I became pregnant my husband seemed to go off sex and that side of our relationship and any intimacy is now pretty no existent.

I want to get our relationship back on track but a couple of weeks ago I accidentally saw some FB messages showing a conversation between him and an ex collegue it all seemed harmless enough, in fact she was the one pushing for him to call her!! She asked for his mobile no and he said he could only give her his work phone as I had access to his personal phone!

I confronted him about this and he said that she was just a friend and didn't tell me because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea! He said that he had been stupid to of done that and since I have had no reason to not trust him before I let it go.

However a couple of days ago I'm afraid my curiosity got the better of me when he left his phone on the side when he went out, he has since given me the pw for it and I wanted to see if there had been any contact between him and this woman. What I found shocked me to the core. There was a text from a no which simply said please confirm your 12:30 1hr app for tomorrow xxx this couldn't be just a routine app as who ends it with 3 xxx so I opened the thread and saw a reply saying that he couldn't make it because of work but he will make another app next week xxx.

Who could this be? I wrote the no down and googled it, to my horror it was for a escort about 30 mins away from his office! I felt sick to my stomache and couldn't believe his betrayal. There were no other messages and no trace of the no in his contact list but I had to confront him as I was going out my mind. He told me that it must have been an old text, as it was a work phone even though the phone was new it was an old sim and apparently this guy was sacked for using escorts in work time. He claims it has nothing to do with him and was shocked I would even think he could do something like that!

He was upset and frustrated at the situation as he said how would I feel if I was being accused of something I didn't do, although he agreed he would react and feel the same way, he said he was now screwed for want of a better word as clearly I now had lost all trust in him.

I truly do not know what to think, I can't even comprehend he would risk everything and I am pretty sure I would react the same way if I knew that I was innocent, but that doesn't change the fact that to have a ghost text from over a year ago suddenly appear on his phone seems pretty far fetched. I don't want to throw my marrige away but I don't want him to think I'm a gullible mug either, please help me move forward.
Thanks so much for any advice I'm in turmoil.??

IMHO this kind of investigation must go with managers approvals.
This is sackable offence IMHO.

It sounds like he is feeding you a line of crap sorry OP. Ask him to get the previous keeper of the phone to email you and tell you it was his text, not your husbands. Likely? Thought not! All his bluff and bluster is a cover only. If my marriage were hanging by a thread I would be doing big things to get a yes/no answer like maybe even emailing his manager to explain and ask if your DH was having the phone investigated, big stuff like that. It might start a cartload of crap to be unloaded in your front yard but you have to know the truth if you are to move forwards. With the other evidence you have against him for similar behaviour though, really what are the chances of this being innocent?

My ex did this, lied for months about it, i told him i wanted to see phone records, bank records and proof of where he had been for the last year when he was away from home and he would need to show me them until i could trust him again, he refused so we separated, loads more has come to light since I'm sure i still don't the half of it.

My DH couldn't get an item used bill from work so don't be surprised if this isn't forthcoming.

You are clutching at straws.
Sorry.

So a guy got sacked for using prostitutes on work time?
Forget his marriage, if that happened at my place, and I got a ghost text implicating me on the work phone, I would have taken my arse straight to my line manager to say "see this, not me". Wouldn't you?

OP, don't ask me why they don't admit it. I sat in front of a counsellor who came off the fence far enough to say to my XH "well you can see why she would think this, no?" and said "I just need truth and honesty to move forward: I promise you that when you tell me that you did, I will not dump you, I will work through it with this counsellor with you".
Yes I was a sap. Yes he denied it. Yes we divorced some years later after a hellish few years for me, and a few years more of prostitute fucking for him. He only admitted it finally when I told him the divorce would be cheaper!

Many people take the route of refusing to admit even against evidence. Because it's actually quite hard for you to say "liar liar liar" over and over again. He's denying, because it's a bloody good strategy.

Ghost text my arse.

Oh and he's the guy you wouldn't have thought it of in a million years.

Right,

If his story is true, you need to get him to explain what has happened to HR and you then need to speak to someone from the hr team to have it confirmed.

If he was sacked for using escorts and a text has appeared from a previous escort I'm sure that HR will confirm his story, given that your marriage is at stake.

Failing that I would actually text the escort, arrange to meet, turn up with his picture and ask her to be brutally honest with you.

I don't think he is unhappy with you but I just think he is a serial cheat, the sort who doesn't want to leave his family but likes to have occasional sex here and there.

I strongly suspect you will stay with this man for a few more years until you catch him out again.

You really do have to start asking questions of other people apart from your DH, OP. Stir it up enough and something will always come to the top.

Was he surprise when you asked about the text from the escort? I occasionally get a text from one of my friends that she sent weeks ago, but it arrives out of context, not within a thread with replies from me after it. Sounds like he's a big fat liar to me.

I think you would be mad to just sweep this under the carpet given his explanation, it makes no sense OP, I'd be distraught too if I thought I was losing my family and would probably act exactly like he is, it doesn't conclude he's innocent because he is protesting he is, he will never own up to this. I get the sense you just want to believe him and that's a normal reaction, logic will seep in in time and you will not be able to just accept this. The only way I would, would be if he actually proved to me otherwise as the evidence displayed is pretty damning to say the least, never mind the inappropriate FB messages to some woman.

Perhaps he never went through with it but the intention was there and sorry but in my book any man considering visiting prostitutes is not a good man. You either demand proof OP or suck it up.

Hes a misogynist with a Madonna/whore complex.

Hes lying to you OP.

Also visiting an escort ensure complete confidentiality so really OP if you hadn't snooped on his mob, you'd never have found out so in his book, his family was never going to be broken up by his actions as the escort would be complicit in his deceit.

OP you already have your proof without him agreeing.

Text messages are detailed on itemised bills and will be received and inputed by accounts monthly.

Our IT wipes mobiles before we give them to new employees - stopping this sort of thing happening.

I wish I could go to his line manager but that is the CEO of the company and I doubt he would get involved with any of this, he tells me that he has got his facilities manager to go through his itemised bill with the service provider, and said that he would get a new number and sim to prevent this happening again. he told me to try and build up trust again he would leave his work phone with me so I can see for myself. I have said that I will not rest until I get to the bottom of this and that I would have thought he would too as it looks really bad for him especially if his work think the numbers are his contacts. He agreed and says that he wants to clear his name. I swap between intense anger, disbelief, and crying buckets of tears. I know that I can't sweep this under the carpet, but it's not as simple as just walking away we have a small child, let alone the financial implications, I gave up my job to be a full time mummy I never thought for a million years I would be in this boat

Yeah, I had a small child too.
And I stayed too long in a poisoned relationship.
This facilities manager? What would happen if you asked you husband to email him confirmation of the conversation about the service provider and put you on copy, or blind copy?
I'd bet real money that he'd find a reason not to.

But that's the sort of thing I did - chased around for years catching my ex out. How glad I am I'm not living that crap life any more.

And I'm only commenting on the prostitute, not the Facebook women. There isn't even just one thing here.
I'm sorry.

He's a liar
And a really pathetic cowardly one too.

The simple explanation is usually the right one.
He uses prostitutes for his kicks.

I don't think you'll get anything out of your DH's employer. They won't want to get involved... But why not just believe your eyes rather than the bullshit story your DH is telling you. Does he seriously expect you to believe that it's an old text that failed to get delivered? Nah don't believe it

Does the text still exist?

Did the date just say September 25th?

It is that easy OP to walk away, esp if you are with a man that is doing this sort of thing behind your back, dead easy.

Yes the text just said sept 25 because it was confirming an app for the next day, I don't know if the text is still there I haven't checked his phone since I doubt it though to be honest, god knows what mine or his family are going to say

Was the reply text dated 25 sept too?

What about the date stamp, though?

If the date stamp on the text is just 25/09, then it means this year. If it was last year, the date stamp would be 25/09/13.

That will tell you. It'll prove or disprove his version of events. And if he's deleted the message, he's realised that the date stamp will foil him. After all, if that date stamp is right, he's proved himself innocent if he didn't have that phone on that date. And there would be no other reason to delete it now that you've both seen it - especially as work may wish to view the text.