Heartbroken could my husband be seeing an escort!

[MrsEc24]

Hi I have never posted on this before but I'm at my wits end, I can't talk to friends or family and really need some help.
I have known my husband for 8 yrs married for 4 we have a 16 month old child and I thought we were happy. When I became pregnant my husband seemed to go off sex and that side of our relationship and any intimacy is now pretty no existent.

I want to get our relationship back on track but a couple of weeks ago I accidentally saw some FB messages showing a conversation between him and an ex collegue it all seemed harmless enough, in fact she was the one pushing for him to call her!! She asked for his mobile no and he said he could only give her his work phone as I had access to his personal phone!

I confronted him about this and he said that she was just a friend and didn't tell me because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea! He said that he had been stupid to of done that and since I have had no reason to not trust him before I let it go.

However a couple of days ago I'm afraid my curiosity got the better of me when he left his phone on the side when he went out, he has since given me the pw for it and I wanted to see if there had been any contact between him and this woman. What I found shocked me to the core. There was a text from a no which simply said please confirm your 12:30 1hr app for tomorrow xxx this couldn't be just a routine app as who ends it with 3 xxx so I opened the thread and saw a reply saying that he couldn't make it because of work but he will make another app next week xxx.

Who could this be? I wrote the no down and googled it, to my horror it was for a escort about 30 mins away from his office! I felt sick to my stomache and couldn't believe his betrayal. There were no other messages and no trace of the no in his contact list but I had to confront him as I was going out my mind. He told me that it must have been an old text, as it was a work phone even though the phone was new it was an old sim and apparently this guy was sacked for using escorts in work time. He claims it has nothing to do with him and was shocked I would even think he could do something like that!

He was upset and frustrated at the situation as he said how would I feel if I was being accused of something I didn't do, although he agreed he would react and feel the same way, he said he was now screwed for want of a better word as clearly I now had lost all trust in him.

I truly do not know what to think, I can't even comprehend he would risk everything and I am pretty sure I would react the same way if I knew that I was innocent, but that doesn't change the fact that to have a ghost text from over a year ago suddenly appear on his phone seems pretty far fetched. I don't want to throw my marrige away but I don't want him to think I'm a gullible mug either, please help me move forward.
Thanks so much for any advice I'm in turmoil.??

I'm sorry OP, but he is not going to admit this, he will tell you everything you want to hear and do everything you want him to do, but it's doesn't alter the fact that the evidence suggests he's sleeping with prostitutes, or at least thinking about it. He will never in a million years say "yes you caught me, I've been paying for sex"

If I were you I'd be demanding the itemised bill or leaving. It doesn't matter who he has to ask for it, it shouldn't be embarrassing to him if he's innocent now should it?

Yes it was because I saw it was about 22:15 when it was sent which I thought was odd at the time because I would have remembered him replying to a message that evening, like I said he doesn't hide his phone at all. He text me today with the following:

Dieter has spoken to Vodafone and they have said they are experiencing intermittent problems going back around 6 weeks. They are checking to see if this has affected my mobile specifically xxx

None of that really helps you.

You said up thread he had it password protected and only gave you the number when you found out about this OW.

It must be easy to check if the text is current or a year old surely.

Oh dear me - what a convenient excuse that is. And what are the chances of a local escort agency sending your husband a text due to the intermittent issues?

I am sorry, but this sounds so fishy and like he is grasping at straws with far fetched excuses.

Poor you, I really feel for you. It's heart breaking and made worse by layer of layer of lies.

I'm just so confused why would he give me his work phone pw to show transparency after the FB messages only to be texting an escort, he didn't have to give me his pw! If there are no other texts on his phone from this no why?

99% of escorts are discreet and will not text their clients, they will simply wait for the clients confirmation.

This female is obviously not one of the discreet ones but it has worked in your favour really. You are finding out what your guy is like and can deal with it in whatever way you wish.

Why he gave you the phone with it on?
Mistake, pure and simple.

My XH let me use an old phone that was riddled with prostitute texting - he knew how to delete the text of the message, not the whole thread.

Look, if this mythical other guy got sacked for it, how would your husband even know?

Who talks about old sackings to new people?

He's lost track of his lie.

If Vodafone are having errors, it'd be a hell of a coincidence for that to mean a local escorts texts him in error. Not impossible, but he should definitely play the lottery this week. But they'd then have to possess his phone to text back and move the appointment.

He's forgotten that you saw that.

As an aside, I bet you'll find no trace of other Vodafone customers getting texts from escorts close to where the work.

'Dieter has spoken to Vodafone' ??? Oh please?!?

There is no proof he has been seeing escorts, if anything it appears he has backed out.
Take this as a warning shot that you BOTH need to make changes to get your sex life back on track.

As for those who are saying "leave him", i'm disgusted you think throwing in the towel in this occasion is worth it. It's hardly a long affair, he has not even seen her once!

Splitting families up should always be a last resort....
Relationships are hard, they should be fought for at all costs, even for the child's benefit

There is clear evidence that points to him using escorts and for how long nobody knows. Who has said leave him, most of the replies are saying his story is not believable, in fact all replies are saying that, is it the case he is right and so many of us is wrong - highly, if not impossibly unlikely.

Your last sentence unbe makes me want to throw up - at all costs, what, including a possible sexual disease infection for starters.

Oh love, can't you see what bullshit this is?
I have a corporate account Vodafone work mobile and I work for a big company who would send a "please be aware" type email.
Do you think I've heard of this?

And really, they'd be able to check THAT SPECIFIC PHONE.
Like another poster said, how bizarre that you got both the ghost received and sent texts.

I'm sorry if I'm so blunt and it feels harsh - it's just, I've been where you are, and believe me you risk being more angry with yourself for believing crap lies that with him for cheating!

Where is the email from him to Dieter, copied to you?

He didn't "back out" he cancelled with a stated intent to re-arrange.

Perhaps it isn't worth ending a marriage over one aborted contact.

But is is worth ending over lies.

I didn't come to despise my XH for using a prostitute. I despised him for the hell he put me through with the bullshit lies. If he had confessed, apologised, I'd have worked on the marriage if it was possible.

This man is lying.

Unbelievableuk -

I'm not even too at unbelievableuk, because that was how I felt.

3 more years I spent with that disgusting man after I found yet more evidence (I'd had the equivalent of Dieter rang Vodafone excuses before! ) because of my child.

3 more years of him continuing to sleep with prostitutes, and deny it. I cannot begin to tell you how bad that makes you feel, how resentment. It poisons everything when your partner lies to you.

I have had an email suddenly appear from months ago but I would be ringing his work to ask them about the guy who was sacked for using escorts..

I wouldn't be ringing his work! Like they would tell you anything anyway - that would be confidential.

It's clearly bullshit I'm sorry but it obviously is.

And the onus is on him to prove to you it's not. He should be doing everything in his power to show you he is telling the truth. Copy phone bills etc.this added to the whole talking to someone on fb and saying text me on my work phone

He's an arsehole! Pure and simple.

I'm sorry.

P.s I had an old text come through from a friend who had sent it a week or two ago. It's doesn't bring up the whole message thread including responses!!

And I had sent her texts afterwards too.

Ring his work? yeah good one... they will investigate and sack him.
Then where does it leave the family?

All these "holier than thou" replies make ME wanna puke..

So the guy made an ALLEGED mistake.. Maybe the fact he has been caught will make him see sense...

To those saying breaking a family up over a lie is worth it... it's disgusting..
People make mistakes, people should be given a chance to make up for these mistakes...

And yes, trying to make it work IS for the benefit of the children.. I come from a broken home and would have given anything for my parents to have tried harder to make it work.

If he still loves her and she still loves him then there is a very good chance of working through this problem.

All this "leave him" talk is beyond awful...

He is not in love with another woman or physically abusing her...

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE... there is a point to that vow

How much worse, unbrlievableuk?
As I've said upthread, I have lived this.

3 YEARS after our child was not I begged him to come clean, stop, fix our marriage. Deny deny deny.

Incidentally, he's still using prostitutes, cheating on his new gf too.

This OP isn't saying "he confessed, should I work on it?"

My 3yo had never seen love and affection between her parents. That's what I was teaching her to repeat when she was grown up. I sat down one afternoon and sobbed til the tears simply ran out, imagining seeing her with a relationship like mine because I had taught her that was normal.

One person cannot fix a marriage on their own. I can see how much you think she should try - but what is your advice if he will not try at all?

What does she do when she sees a curb crawling warning letter from the police? Finds the internet search for escort agencies? The torn out newspaper page of "massages" in his pocket? All of that happened to me. I stayed. For better or for worse. But I'm asking you: HOW MUCH WORSE?

I personally don't think she should bother with a cheat and a liar.

But surely even if you are, you're not suggesting she just accepts his lies?

unbelievableuk - and what about "forsaking all others?"

I have had random texts arriving weeks after that were sent, so it is vaguely possible, but you do have other suspicions so not sure it helps to know it is possible. I wish people could just be honest with one another! my sympathies for you in such a horridly difficult situation x

How about "forsaking all others" unbelievableuk or did you conveniently forget about that one?

"He's not in love with another woman or physically abusing her"

^ the benchmark for relationships right there,eh?

I come from a broken home and I'm grateful for it every day of my life, because my mother taught me to expect more for myself. Yes marriage vows mean something, but when the other person has broken them the deal is off.

So true Windy, it's all very well bleating on about staying together and making it work, how do you do that when the one person who is meant to have your back is actually going behind your back.

Thank god today women have enough self esteem to kick any arsehole man to the kerb rather than having to put up cos they'd made their bed.