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DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

(440 Posts)
januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 20:37:26

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

ballsballsballs Fri 11-Apr-14 20:38:56

It sounds like you did the right thing OP. flowers

Snapespeare Fri 11-Apr-14 20:40:27

Yes, you did the right thing. Is STBXH a British national? How old are all DCs?

Really sorry you're going through this.

kitcat83 Fri 11-Apr-14 20:40:47

I didn't want to read and run, what an utter arse he is, I know your going to be going out if your mind. Have you any one that you can spend time with in RL until Sunday? hmm

hashtagwhatever Fri 11-Apr-14 20:41:46

Yes you did the right thing 100%

Bogeyface Fri 11-Apr-14 20:42:45

You definitely did the right thing, if only because when he realises what he did and how much trouble he could have been in, he wont pull such a stupid stunt again. You could also use this to block any further foreign travel.

I would be asking the police to have a word with him when he does get back, which I am sure he will. I very much doubt he will actually abduct them but is enjoying the fact that you think that is what he is doing. Wanker. him, not you.

januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 20:44:06

STBXH has dual citizenship. UK & Australia.
DCs have dual citizenship also, but only UK passports.

RandomMess Fri 11-Apr-14 20:46:12


Bogeyface Fri 11-Apr-14 20:47:17

What country did he take them to?

Hissy Fri 11-Apr-14 20:51:25

Won't he have to come back for work?

Call the police, and anyone and everyone you can to see what advice there is for you.

Hopefully they'll be home soon, maybe he planned it from the start just to upset you.

Next step, get them home and slap a prohibited steps order on him, and insist on supervised contact only.

MrsTonsofbloodykids Fri 11-Apr-14 20:51:35

Yes. You did the right thing.

I would get legal advise asap. He sounds like a nasty Bastard...

januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 20:55:33


I hate him now, I honestly despise him, i wanted to feel indifferent. I just want to be with my children.

he had a 'mad' ex - yes, i know, a red flag. She used to be physically violent towards him (he found it 'exciting'). i don't condone violence, but I now realise how far he must have pushed her.

januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 20:58:38

he left his job the week before the holiday.

this is a mess. if i knew where they were i would go & get them & bring them home. hopefully they are unaware of how wrong this is.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed Fri 11-Apr-14 20:58:40

Sorry to hear this OP. He sounds disgusting.
I couldn't be that rude to a perfect stranger, let alone someone I had had children with.
Get legal advice and all the best.

ElsieMc Fri 11-Apr-14 21:00:14

I had something like this done to me around twenty years ago and I can still remember the sense of powerlessness I felt and how panicky I felt about the children. I kept calm but swore I would never, ever let this happen to me ever again. I made sure I had them back before I made my decision clear and I never went back on it. It destroyed any trust and any chance of a relationship for the childrens' sake.

He has scored a cheap point, but at what cost.

I think you have been very restrained indeed. If I had my time again, I would get the children back immediately and not bother about being polite. I wonder how he would feel if you did the same and not return them from your holiday time for his contact/holiday arrangements. I can pretty much bet he would threaten you with court proceedings.

Itsfab Fri 11-Apr-14 21:01:48

I wouldn't wait until Sunday. I would be demanding the police do something now tbh.

januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 21:02:12

legal advice is expensive. i am not entitled to legal aid.

I am a SAHM. i am living on £150 p week, monthly basic bills are over £1000. No financial support from H (income of over £100k - that's another story)

januarycat Fri 11-Apr-14 21:07:26

Elsie - yes, this will NEVER happen again. he has shown his true self.

i do feel powerless. i don't know exactly where they are in France. I just have to wait.

But, although money is pretty much non existant, my DM (toxic relationship) did offer a loan in the past re divorce. Maybe I should take her up on it? To get some sort of injunction?

Bogeyface Fri 11-Apr-14 21:08:07

For £215 you can make the order yourself in court, is there anyone you could borrow the money from? I think you need to do this as a matter of urgency due to the fact that he has threatened to abduct and then done this. Do you have any written proof of his threats?

I wish I had the money, I would pay the court fee for you!

LePetitPrince Fri 11-Apr-14 21:09:05

I do hope they show up on Sunday, I can understand how utterly horrible this situation is for you. On the plus side, he's very unlikely to abscond from a well-paying job in the UK to France, unless he has fluent French and has planned it all ahead of time (unlikely given French bureaucracy).

But I do think you need to get some legal assistance about not getting maintenance - there's something very wrong there..

Bogeyface Fri 11-Apr-14 21:10:31

Xpost, I would normally never say this in regards to a toxic relative but in this case you need to choose the lesser of 2 evils, so yes I think you should borrow the money off your mum.

Good luck. If you print the forms off tonight you could have them in at the court on Monday morning.

Bogeyface Fri 11-Apr-14 21:10:58

I agree re the maintenance, wont the CSA take your case?

SquidgyMummy Fri 11-Apr-14 21:12:16

Yes I would ask your DM for the loan.
I know nothing about the area, but it sits uneasily with me that he quit his job the week before.

I don't want to freak you out, but you can fly to Australia from France as well.

Offred Fri 11-Apr-14 21:13:28

I remember your other thread. You need to get maintenance in place and you need to get to women's aid ASAP. Others were worried this would happen when you posted last time and I think you are still very much under his spell and therefore not able to adequately protect your dc.

Calling the police was the right thing to do. Very worrying that he quit his job :/

clam Fri 11-Apr-14 21:18:44

OK, I really do hate to be the one to say this, but are you sure he's in France?
I've had a sick feeling in my stomach while reading this thread.

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