Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
A check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
Why financial abuse is domestic violence Are you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
Warning signs you’re dating a loser Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie If you’re a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out - You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
Heart to heart - a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
What couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
Should I Stay or Should I Go bonus materials This is a site containing material for men who want to change - please don’t give him the link - print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
What you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Support thread for those in Emotionally Abusive Relationships - thread 29
CharlotteCollins · 05/04/2014 22:59
Same here. Fw is being so cold atm n hot on the blaming thing. He caused most of everything bad that happened between us but somehow its still all my fault. Fml its exhausting 
Next time that STBXH texts, I'm going to tell him that I want his current email address. He's obviously not using his previous one that he was having all the porn sent to, as I've locked it up. 
But I would prefer email contact rather than text. He doesn't live in the area, so there's no reason for contact to be by text for urgency at all. One more way for me to detach a bit.
i think this is possibly what i am looking for im 4 months pregnant nut job partner has been missing for 24 hours again just as i agreed to give us another chance
parapet mine had everyone well fooled as well. And he's done his best to continue that "surface act" after I kicked him out. The stress of living with his behaviour was unbelievable, including guarding the DCs as he was abusive. Do you really need to wait until education is finished? That's about 16 months or so? That's a very long time. And he sounds like he is dangerously aggressive.
summer welcome. He just disappeared?? 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Paddlingduck No, this isn't normal. It's verbally abusive and very aggressive. You are not over-sensitive. It's good that you are no longer with him, so that you're not dealing with that behaviour constantly - it can be so stressful!
Everyone is NOT like him. Unfortunately some are... but they are not "normal" either.
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