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Going to be a Grandma, don't know whether to weep for joy or regret

(487 Posts)
GrandmaWeLoveYou Thu 11-Jul-13 19:00:39

Have NC for this.
It's a bolt from the blue.

DS (23) announced yesterday to his Father that his Girlfriend (of 3 years) is pregnant.
DH gave me this news this morning at breakfast.

Both of them are at Uni therefore not financially independant and DH has decided that we will fund them both for next 2 years until DS has qualified.

They've got it all sorted.

It's like history repeating itself only we were financially stable when our happy accident (DS) happened.

I've spoken to DS who said it was an accident. In this day and age accidents don't happen do they?

I don't know whether to jump for joy or cry my eyes out.
They had all the time in the world to have kids.
This is life changing stuff.

Can't help but think they've left it this long (3 months) to tell us because over here that's the cut off for abortion.

My beautiful boy is going to be a father before he's had time to really enjoy life and girlfriend will be a mother at 23 (i find 23 year olds in general lacking the maturity my generation had)

I sound like an awful person i know. I'm sure once the baby's here i'll be overjoyed, but for the moment feel raw and sad.

Please give me reassurance.

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 22:11:32

Just realised....Mr Oakenshield! You lucky lady!

I'll just have to settle for mt 50 something, balding Grandad grin

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 22:10:03

Ooh, broody and mysterious.........i'll have to think about it ( but it's a definate yes!!)

MrsOakenshield Tue 16-Jul-13 22:03:54

well, you can't. Because he's mine.
(It's Thorin Oakenshield, in case you were wondering.)

You can have this one if you like . . .

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 21:32:26

Oh yes, that's a sexy dwarf!
I'd have him!!

MrsOakenshield Tue 16-Jul-13 21:24:56

A sexy dwarf for your delectation

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 21:20:40

cheeseandpineapple Spot on ,was me.

Seems like years ago with all this going on.

I never would have imagined at that time that we would find ourselves in this position.

It's made me put things into perspective.

I'm blessed to have a happy marriage!

cheeseandpineapple Tue 16-Jul-13 21:15:15

Ah, thought that was you. You mentioned the prospect of a Catholic DIL, looks like you were spot on with your prediction. Glad you've been able to move on from that other situation. Something else to focus on instead!

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 21:11:50

DH needs to know what a sexy dwarf is!

(he's feeling insecure!)

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 21:10:21

MrsOakenshield I rememember you, forget the thread it's all done and dusted anyway.

What's with the sexy dwarves?! (not sure i'm into kinky stuff!).

Viking vampires? ............could be persuaded!

Tea and cake and wine, well that's a no brainer, of course!

MrsOakenshield Tue 16-Jul-13 20:55:25

what a lovely thing to say, Grandma, I'm very touched. If you have a liking for sexy dwarfs, Viking vampires, tea'n'cake and wine, I'm sure we should get on like a house on fire. Let me know should you land in London soon!

<wracks brains to think of what other thread I was supportive on, memory like a goldfish>

so often my posts seem so inarticulate compared to others, I'm always astonished when one comes out right and is read how it's meant to be, I feel I should frame them.

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 20:35:18

mathanxiety Her siblings have been in touch and are offering much support. (totally different generation)

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 20:15:19

cheeseandpineapple (on a cocktail stick?)

I have had a thread recently, probably the one you're thinking of.

Oh the irony!

I spoke about DIL!

Thanks for the congrats wine

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 20:12:52

MrsOakenshield You gave me much support on a previous thread and also on this one.

What a shame this is cyberworld, i think we'd get on in RL.

GrandmaWeLoveYou Tue 16-Jul-13 20:10:26

RaRaZ Thankyou so much for your good wishes.

You've been through a tough time, it breaks my heart to imagine the choices you've had to make.

You need to grieve and then carry on with life.
Abortion is not a light decision, i can understand that.

You've done nothing wrong, circumstances dictated the choice you made.

You have many years ahead of you to make a family and be a mother.

If i could i'd come to you and hug you till it hurt!!

Life goes on, it's a cliché but true.

Live your life to the full, be independant and don't live a life of "what ifs".

Much love, Grandma xxx flowers

nemno Tue 16-Jul-13 11:11:33

I'm sorry you feel like this now RaRaZ. Do start your own thread and you'll find lots of support and people who have shared your experience.

Wishing you well x

RaRaZ Tue 16-Jul-13 11:05:06

Read a bit more now, and I wish I'd come on here and asked for help when I was pg: you people are all so much more lovely and supportive than my family - shame I didn't or I might've been a mother in a few months!

nemno Tue 16-Jul-13 11:02:03

I posted earlier in support and now want to say how brilliantly you are handling it all. Your DS and GF are extremely lucky.

MrsOakenshield Tue 16-Jul-13 11:01:28

there do seem to be a number of people (fortunately, a small number) on this thread who are unable to differentiate between what it 'said' on an internet forum, and what is actually said in real life.

OP, have some flowers for you and DH, and some flowers for DS and DiL.

RaRaZ Tue 16-Jul-13 10:54:12

I haven't read much of this as I've just stumbled over it, but just wanted to say congratulations and THANK GOODNESS you're there to support them! My parents weren't when I got pg at 24 (also unplanned and unexpected) and ended up pushing us into termination. Turned out to be the worst day of my life. I'm glad you're more understanding and I'm sure your family will work out perfectly smile

lucycoco Tue 16-Jul-13 10:43:33

Grandma you sound like a kind and wonderful DM and MIL. It sounds like your son and his girlfriend are extremely lucky to have you and your DH.

With so much pressure on parents to do things 'just right', it's ridiculous that within just a few years of a DS flying the nest (and before he's even started adult life proper) a mother should be expected to be so unphased about this huge transition in her son's life.

As I see it (having read the whole thread) the OP was shocked and concerned for the consequences but within hours began putting all her concerns to one side to be as supportive as she could for the new family unit.

As I see it, a good mother isn't a person immune to feelings and thoughts that aren't 100% consistent with what her son would want to hear; it's a person who deals with those feelings as best she can, and then acts in the best possible way she can for her son and his new family.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Tue 16-Jul-13 04:52:04

I don't think there have been 'so many negative posts' - I think there have been a few of us who have spotted something different from the majority (and when these things have been pointed out to you, you have toned down your responses to these things).

Your response to our views has been interesting though and I rest my case. Like Vivacia I'm not posting again and wish you all well.

This is why I didn't bother posting originally, this sums up my feeling perfectly.

Good luck to your DIL for a healthy, happy pregnancy and safe delivery.

mathanxiety Tue 16-Jul-13 04:25:08

A priest should not knowingly marry a couple where the woman is pregnant. One of the questions the RC church asks in cases of annulment is whether the woman was pregnant at the time marriage plans were made or at the time of marriage. During annulment they fish very deeply to find out the circumstances in which the decision to marry came about. Both of the parties have to come absolutely freely to marriage. There can be no circumstances making it 'necessary'. (I know this as I went through annulment myself).

It is possible that a priest would marry a couple if he wasn't told of the pregnancy, or if the decision to marry had been made months before the woman became pregnant and preparations were already under way, couple had been interviewed by the priest and all the bureaucracy had been attended to, but the RC church isn't supposed to do marriages where the couple rocks up to the church on a Monday and wants to get it done the following Saturday. They priest has to be certain that the couple are coming freely to marriage and that they understand what is involved. Additionally, there is the posting of banns and investigation of whether each of the parties is in fact single. Plus the interfaith dimension would add an extra wrinkle of bureaucracy. All of this takes time. If the DIL is now at 3 months she would be showing by the time the details have been ironed out.

If the DIL's father thinks he could get everything straightened out with a quickie he is wrong. Unless he has some priest in mind who he could bully into it.

I agree with whoever said this is nobody's business but the couple themselves' though. I hope some priest gives the FIL an almighty comeuppance.

You are doing a great job of being a soft place to land for the poor DIL, and keep it up. I hope she knows there are lots of people here pulling for her flowers

What do her siblings think? Have any of them been told or reached out to her?

cheeseandpineapple Mon 15-Jul-13 23:09:30

Congratulations OP, exciting times ahead, there'll be challenges too no doubt for your son and his GF which may impact on you but you'll have the joy of another child to fall in love with, without the endless sleepless nights! I can't wait to become a grandparent, my kids are young but I'm not and I would love to be a youngish grandparent, ideally, if my children are in loving, stable relationships. It's one of my few wishes in life for me and my DH. Sorry to hear you lost your mum when you were young, she missed out on seeing her grandchildren but you have that opportunity and it's a gift. Enjoy it!

I thought I may have recognised you from the description of your family, there was a thread a little while ago about someone who found out something which devastated them and I was thinking this has been a roller coaster year for you but I could be mistaken.

All the best, in some ways hoping you may have a granddaughter to spoil after all those boys but either will be amazing!

CatsAndTheirPizza Mon 15-Jul-13 22:56:19

I don't think there have been 'so many negative posts' - I think there have been a few of us who have spotted something different from the majority (and when these things have been pointed out to you, you have toned down your responses to these things).

Your response to our views has been interesting though and I rest my case. Like Vivacia I'm not posting again and wish you all well.

Jacaqueen Mon 15-Jul-13 22:49:42

It was me who asked about the scan, due date and names. I was trying to move the thread on from the bunfight. Inject a little lightheartedness.

Grandma so pleased to hear that the weekend went well. Time to get the knitting needles out. Only joking.

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