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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

MIL says she and ILs are annoyed by our refusal to be driven drunk

323 replies

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:08

This has been an issue for a while, basically.

There is a family BBQ this 4th of July at my BILs house about an hour away by car. I'm not a driver here in the US (wrong side for the wheel, wrong side of the road). My DH will be working that day and so can't join me or drive me. This leaves me with the option of being driven by my PIL who are in their 80s. FIL will have a few G&Ts at family functions and feels it is perfectly fine to drive home. I don't feel the same. And I certainly won't be strapping my 4 month old DS into the back seat.

MIL came over and had a shouting match with my DH tonight saying she wanted to take DS to the BBQ and that all our in laws were getting annoyed that we never go anymore and that they want to see the baby. While DH is a bit more relaxed on drinl driving, he told her that everybody knew our position on this issue and knew where we lived if they wanted to come see the baby and that my wishes were to be respected - end of. She threw a dramatic fit that only she can. Its not like she wants me there, just DS. She might be willing to be chauffered around by somebody over the limit, and seemingly she thinks its okay to do with our DS!

I don't want to offend the in laws all the time (we have missed a lot of family functions over this). Anyone have any similar experiences or advise?

OP posts:

Report

CabbageLooking · 27/06/2013 05:16

Book a taxi.

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:17

Its across state lines and would total about $140 each way. Dont feel I should fork out for it.

OP posts:

AKissIsNotAContract · 27/06/2013 05:21

To be honest I'm not usually a grass but in this instance I would phone the police and give them the registration number. They could kill someone.

Sleepyfergus · 27/06/2013 05:21

What a terrible situation to be in but you and your DH are absolutely right to stick to your guns and refuse to put your or your child's life in danger.

Can't offer any practical advice I'm afraid, but I agree with all you've said. Their loss, literally and potentially if they continue to drink drive.

The company I work for has an office in Houston and friends have been seconded over there for a period of time. They say that drink driving is rife and seen as the norm by some of their US born colleagues. So scary.

welshfirsttimemummy · 27/06/2013 05:21

Can you stay over and your MIL take you there, and your DH pick you up the next day or PIL drop you back?

TWinklyLittleStar · 27/06/2013 05:23

Can you book some driving lessons to get your confidence up and drive yourself? Tbh I found driving in the US much easier than the UK.

Sleepyfergus · 27/06/2013 05:23

And yes, I would be reporting them too - might be the scare tactic they need. That or then killing or maiming themselves or an innocent person/s

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:28

MIL and FIL live near us, so staying there doesn't help, that's why they want to drive us out.

I hate driving in the US and seeing as we live in Manhattan, driving is a massive PITA. Lessons would be a waste of time, because on situations like the 4th of July, I would guess about 50% of drivers on the road have had a few.

Driving after a few is so much more commen here, its a different world.

OP posts:

Atavistic · 27/06/2013 05:29

Well, firstly, stick to your guns! An elderly driver after a few gins? Not on my watch!
But I do think you need to start driving. I take it you can drive, but have only done it in the UK? Feel the fear and do it anyway. I know the drink driving laws are some of the most lenient in the world, but the top speed limit is only about 55mph. How hard can it be? Not being able to drive must be really restricting.
Your DH sounds brilliant- great response.

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:29

As for reporting them? Police here wouldn't give a toss.

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Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:32

Atavistic, driving in Manhattan and owning a car is more of pain the ass. You have to move your car on alternative side parking for street cleaning and traffic is worse than London. Subway is the easiest way around.

OP posts:

CoolStoryBro · 27/06/2013 05:35

Are you British and have a UK licence?
In which case, go the DMV tomorrow, take the test and start driving. It's as simple as that. You have a month before you have to have done the 5 hour class test and then do the simplest road test ever devised.

Get over the it's the wrong side of the road thing. You're turning yourself into your own victim. I drive into Manhattan all the time. It's terrifying half the time. But it's what I have to do to get on with what I want to do.

AKissIsNotAContract · 27/06/2013 05:38

I still wouldn't want to hang out with my inlaws without my DH there if I were you. Not being able to drive is the perfect excuse.

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:39

I have an Irish driving license. I don't want to drive here, I don't need to.

I don't feel like the victim because frankly its no skin off my nose if the ILs never see the child. They are the ones who have their nose out of joint. And all the family events are held their their houses, not because we never offer to host, but they don't like to come to Manhattan.

OP posts:

Swallowingmywords · 27/06/2013 05:40

Train? There are a few leaving Manhattan? Or Zipcar? I think you could make the effort really.

oracleselfservice · 27/06/2013 05:41

Don't go. Or hire a car and drive yourself. 2 simple options.

And ignore stupid moronic ILs (after shopping to cops).

roses2 · 27/06/2013 05:44

Driving in Manhattan may b a pain but you need to drive outside of Manhattan, not within. Learning will make your life so much easier for times like this.

BonaDea · 27/06/2013 05:44

For goodness sake learn to drive!! It is really not very difficult to switch sides if the road, particularly if you have an automatic (which almost everyone in the us does). If necessary book some professional lessons and it won't take you long.

Yanbu to refuse to have your baby in a car with someone who is anything but totally sober. If they want to see him they can forgo the drinks!!

CoolStoryBro · 27/06/2013 05:46

So, basically you don't want to go? Then grow a pair and own it, rather than blaming it on your drunken inlaws.

K8Middleton · 27/06/2013 05:48

he told her that everybody knew our position on this issue and knew where we lived if they wanted to come see the baby and that my wishes were to be respected [my bolding]

That's part of the problem right there. Your dh needs to step up and take responsibility too. This is not just your wishes, it is both your wishes.

But yeah, if you can drive but won't you ought to think about that, especially if your dh has a car or you can borrow pil's. We live in London and have no car. We hire one for trips like this.

The stuff about drunk people on the road makes me think you just don't want to go. Which is fine but if that is the case you're best being honest about it on here.

Jengnr · 27/06/2013 05:49

Tell them you will go if they don't drink.if they do drink they can paybfor your cab home.

Two reasonable options.

Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:50

CoolStoryBro Its not necessarily that I don't always want to go, but I won't be caving to MIL hissy fits.

Also, by the by, Cool Story Bro is the worst, THE WORST
pop reference. Even worse than the Keep Calm shit. Sorry.

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Mixxy · 27/06/2013 05:51

Hhmm jengnr that sounds like an option.

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imademarion · 27/06/2013 05:52

Why can't you get the train? Or hire a car outside Manhattan?

Agree you should drive; you say this isn't the first time this situation has arisen. Not really fair on your DC to miss family things on that basis.

Totally agree don't get in the car with drinkers.

But it sounds like you just don't want to go anyway.

Lweji · 27/06/2013 05:57

I agree that you should learn how to drive on the other side of the road.

It's not that hard and I switch between the two frequently.

Then offer to drive pil's car on the return.

Or tell them you don't want to go.

Flip

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