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Face slapping during

(397 Posts)
Allabitmuch Wed 23-Nov-11 16:20:57

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

YULEingFanjo Wed 23-Nov-11 16:22:59

no it's not normal and, certainly, if it's not something you want to do then you shouldn't.

VivaLeBeaver Wed 23-Nov-11 16:24:00

I've slept with quite a lot of men and no one has ever asked to slap my face during sex. Don't think I'd be up for it at all.

Gigondas Wed 23-Nov-11 16:25:48

Agree with fanjo - and don't think that ejaculation on face that normal ESP if it makes you feel uncomfortable . You might not have dated for a while but I think that there is no change in a relationship being one you feel comfortable relaxed and respected.

Proudnscary Wed 23-Nov-11 16:26:35

Why would it be 'normal sexual practice these days'...why 'these days'? confused

Obviously some people in RL and on here like S&M type stuff which is fine if consenting.

But you sound like you are asking 'do I just have to accept a man coming in my face or slapping me these days? I do? Oh ok then, thanks'

Odd. If genuine.

mumblechum1 Wed 23-Nov-11 16:26:53

Nope. Not normal in a loving, mutually respectful relationship.

Flisspaps Wed 23-Nov-11 16:27:09

If you are not 100% happy with it, then say no. No, no, no, no, no.

I could sit here and say that it must mean he's going to be a violent rapist, but pretty much the crux of anything sexual is do all parties involved consent fully and without questionl - if they do consent and are happy with whatever goes on, then fine.

I personally would run a mile if someone wanted to slap my face during sex, but there are others out there who would find it the biggest turn on ever.

Gigondas Wed 23-Nov-11 16:27:59

Proudnscary agree - this doesn't sound like s and m or whatever practice that is agreed between two consenting partners.

ScarlettIsWalking Wed 23-Nov-11 16:28:35

no not normal, quite awful really. Why do you feel you should accept this if you don't like it?

pictish Wed 23-Nov-11 16:29:30

My friend likes this. She has turned up here before with marks on her cheeks from indulging this practise. He slaps her and she slaps back.

As far as I'm concerned it's between two consenting adults and therefore not for me to be worry about.

I would never do it though. Hell no!

Thistledew Wed 23-Nov-11 16:30:43

Doesn't sound at all good to me. A slap to the face is a painful and humiliating act whichever way you look at it. I would be asking myself why he wants to humiliate me during sex.

I think that it may be different if you had raised it as part of role play suggestion where you had wanted to play out a submissive role, but this has to be quite an eclectic taste. Suggesting this when you have shown no inclination to put yourself in such a role waves a big red flag for me.

HugosGoatee Wed 23-Nov-11 16:33:21

Not normal IMO but as others have said, if you're both turned on by it then fine.

However sexual compatibility is a big deal, so if this is early days and this is what he wants, I'd be backtracking out of this relationship before you end up going along with sexual stuff you're not into and feeling awful about it - not healthy. Don't be angry at him for asking, but you must put yourself first.

Personally it sounds very porny and I'd be reluctant to get into a sexual relationship with someone who wanted me to reenact things he'd seen in porn, particularly such a (IMO) demeaning act. But horses for courses.

Tread carefully with your sexual integrity intact OP.

Charbon Wed 23-Nov-11 16:33:53

If you don't like the sound of it (and I wouldn't) then say no.

This doesn't sound like a BDSM preference. He sounds like a prolific porn user, though. A lot of mainstream porn now involves violence against women and it's the only way some men can get off.

Of course, you could ask him if he minded you putting his bollocks in a vice, in reciprocation? wink

dickiedavisthunderthighs Wed 23-Nov-11 16:37:39

I'd be more than a bit wary of a man who gets off on inflicting pain during sex outside of a consensual BDSM relationship.

Allabitmuch Wed 23-Nov-11 16:38:37

It's certainly not that I feel I have to accept it - I can say no to things I don't want - I don't feel pressured.

It's just that things do seem to have changed since I was last dating. The example I used of coming on faces is a good one I think. This now seems to be common practice when it didn't used to be.

I just wondered whether the face slapping thing was similar in that respect.

I always have the option of just walking away from this relationship, which I will do if I feel uncomfortable. I'm not so much uncomfortable at the moment as a bit hmm

Callisto Wed 23-Nov-11 16:38:46

I'd be wondering how far into the relationship we would be before he slapped me on the face when we were not having sex - because I had said or done the 'wrong thing' maybe. I would run a mile if someone asked to do this to me tbh.

AbbyAbsinthe Wed 23-Nov-11 16:44:43

mumblechum <Nope. Not normal in a loving, mutually respectful relationship.>

I was under the impression that anything is normal in a loving, mutually respectful relationship, if it's consensual?

ElderberrySyrup Wed 23-Nov-11 16:45:29

Violent porn has got way more mainstream lately. sad

And we're supposed to accept that because it is used by consenting adults, violent and demeaning porn is fine and doesn't hurt anyone....
Whereas the reality is, this man has likely had his sense of what is reasonable within a loving (!) relationship warped by it, and poor OP is put in this horrible situation.
And she's a woman who clearly feels able to stand up and say no. I just feel so sorry for the next generation who will be put in situations like this before they have the experience that makes it easier to say no or get out. sad

Laquitar Wed 23-Nov-11 16:48:29

The fact that he told you so early means that he is much into it and he needs to know if you are up to it. If you are not then one of you will leave.

It is not the same as being together for long time and he says 'lets try something different for fun'.

LeBOF Wed 23-Nov-11 16:48:31

It's all about the porn, yes. I couldn't date somebody whose idea of fulfilling sex was cribbed from 'Anal Cum Bang Bus' or whatever they're watching. Yuck.

HappyHubbie Wed 23-Nov-11 16:53:21

Coming on faces ... that's a porn thing and in my view (as a bloke) nothing much to do with a loving sexual relationship. I can never decide if it's just an exhibitionist thing or something more sinister and degrading (or possibly both) but I'm not sure that it's normal. Certainly not normal in my house. Doing it on your boobs or bum or whatever seems fairly harmless, but the face just seems wrong to me. I can't imagine why a woman would want that done to her, maybe some do, but I imagine it's more about putting up with it. Which isn't a good thing.

The slapping thing ... I suppose you could argue it's an extension of spanking, but I really don't like the idea at all. First a slap, then a punch, before you know it he wants to choke you whiles he comes on your face.

If you're happy to go with him coming on your face then fine, but I'd definitely say no to the slapping, not least for the reasons that Callisto mentioned.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Wed 23-Nov-11 16:54:28

And if he gets any funny ideas about having a funny porny ladygarden, tell him to Google Fannuary and tell him he can be your first sponsor.

Allabitmuch Wed 23-Nov-11 16:59:07

To give it a bit of context, we had already indulged in certain, more mainstream things eg some dirty talking which involved some language which some people might find demeaning, because we both equally find that exciting. So he didn't just ask completely out of the blue. I guess perhaps he felt he'd had some clues that I might possibly be up for it.

But I don't know. Face slapping is a step too far for me I think. I don't mind playing around but I don't actually want to be hurt.

bubblechristmaspop Wed 23-Nov-11 16:59:35

Slapping is a fetish of sorts. It's becoming more common yes, as is the face thing. As more and more men are seeing it in porn and wanting to re-enact it.

If that is your boat then fine, if not then no. Personally I would run a mile. There are men out there who don't turn their oh's into another "porn slut".

HappyHubbie Wed 23-Nov-11 17:07:01

Face slapping is a step too far for me I think

Perfectly reasonable answer, and when you put it in context it maybe doesn't seem as threatening as it might sound to an outsider - only you can judge on that.

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