My son has stolen money from me

[undercoverwizard]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. Yesterday my 8 year old son came home with a remote control helicoptor which he said his friend had lent him. I thought it was a little odd as it was quite an expensive toy but then again him and his mates are always lending each other things.

However, later last night I find a receipt for it and realise it was only bought yesterday. Checking my online bank statement, I notice 2 separate withdrawals for £30 and £20. My bank card is also missing. My son is the only one who knows my pin (don't slate me). He initially denied taking the money but he was out to play all yesterday afternoon and we live a 10 minute walk from the shopping mall. Eventually he admitted it. The helicoptor cost £40 and he also paid £7.50 to have his feet nibbled by those fish (I didn't think they were supposed to do that to children without a parent present)

I am so upset. I have been crying for the last half an hour as I can't believe my own son would do this to me. I have taken away his XBox and banned him from going to the Halloween disco but tbh, I'm at the end of my tether and don't know how to proceed.

[ImperialBlether]

Blimey!

I don't blame you for being upset. I would be, too.

First of all, can the helicopter be taken back? If not, I would say that had to be for his main Christmas present.

Who was he with? I can't believe he did all that on his own.

Has he a past history of stealing and lying? What's his general behaviour like at home and at school?

Sorry, can't come up with anything more as I'm so shocked!

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Well, if you let an 8 year old out away from you all afternoon without having a clue what he is doing or where he is, I would expect these things if I were you. .

[izzywhizzysfritenite]

Where is your bank card now?

Is it possible to march him and the back to the store and get a refund - or has he thrown the box?

Where is he now - I hope you've grounded him and that he's in his room.

[Kayano]

8 years old?!

Who the hell was he with?!

[rainbowinthesky]

Jesus, I have an 8 year old and cant believe how this could have happened. They must be pretty street wise to have done this and used to going out on their own for long periods of time. I assume this is not an isolated incident? I must live in a naive universe as I always know where dd is.

[undercoverwizard]

Thanks for your "helpful" input CurlyhairedAssassin. No the helicoptor can't be taken back as he made sure he destroyed the packaging. His grandma has taken it away now. I am planning on taking the £50 out of his savings when I go into town on Weds. He was with a couple of friends so I think that there may have been a bit of "egging on" to be honest. But suffice to say he won't be going out for a while.

As for past behaviour, a couple of years ago he did steal a couple of pounds from my purse 2-3 times but that hasn't happened for ages. At school though he has been really good lately e.g. he got Star of the Day on Tuesday.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Me too, rainbowinthesky, and the first thing I would have done is contact this friends's mother to ask if it was ok that my ds had borrowed such an expensive toy from her son.

[izzywhizzysfritenite]

Do you know who he associates with when he's playing out?

Is he advanced for his age?

Do you think this theft was entirely his own idea?

Is this the first time he's stolen from you? Has he stolen from others? Have you checked his room to make sure that there is nothing there that isn't lawfully his?

What explanation did he give you for using your bank card on 2 occasions to steal £50?

[ImperialBlether]

OP, do you let him go into town just with his friends? It would be worth speaking to his friends' parents as if one is using a card, the others might think it's a good idea.

[rainbowinthesky]

It's one thing taking a bit of loose change from your purse and getting sweets from a local shop (although still find it very hard to imagine an 8 year old doing this) but taking a bank card, going into town, buying an expensive item and having fish foot treatment !!

[ImperialBlether]

I think you never actually catch people the first time they do something, so I'd be looking through your online bank account to see if there's anything suspicious going on.

Also, boys on their own who are prepared to do that probably aren't that far from shoplifting, OP.

[GuillotinedMaryLacey]

I'm sorry, I know this is serious and I'm going to be no help whatsoever but I had to laugh at your 8yo son paying to have his feet nibbled by fish :o

[rainbowinthesky]

and he destroyed the packaging so it couldnt be returned?!?
As I said I am either extremely naive or you have some real issues at play here.

[izzywhizzysfritenite]

Sell the helicopter on eBay or stick it on gumtree - there's no way he should ever set eyes on it again or be bought one for Christmas or any other time, you certainly don't want it in your house as constant reminder of your son's dishonesty.

[tiredemma]

Im really sorry- and you will hate me and curse me to hell.

How can an 8 year old go to a cashpoint- withdraw £50 and go shopping in a mall?

My 8 year old doesnt go further than the front gate.

[rainbowinthesky]

I would be putting into place some serious boundaries and only allowing him the freedom appropriate for an 8 year old.

[OneNerveAndYouAreOnIt]

he sounds extremely sneaky and tried to cover his tracks well

[ImperialBlether]

Mine didn't either, tiredemma. They were 10 before they went on the long walk (quarter mile) to the local shop, with me doing a private detective impression behind them.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Sorry, op, but I am just genuinely shocked at the thought of an 8 year old hanging round shopping malls with his mates. It's the sort of thing that kids don't do round here till they're around 11.

[rainbowinthesky]

I really wouldnt let an 8 year old to play out all afternoon, really I wouldnt.

[FabbyChic]

He sounds as if he is aged beyond his years, 8 year olds should not be going to shopping centres, or even have their parents pin number.

Some of the blame here lies with you, he shouldn't be venturing as far out as he does at that age, he is still a child not even a teen yet.

[SauvignonBlanche]

This isn't a typo is it, is he really 8?

[rainbowinthesky]

Ds is 15 and it would be too calculated for him even.