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Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

(916 Posts)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support grin

soverign21 Sat 09-Apr-11 10:02:06

Marking my place

Am still pissed off about his poor me text but am going to try and channel it into cleaning the house today
Hope everyone has a good day

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 10:22:37

Just written a reply to you Sov and then lost it cos I put it on old thread! Poor me texts are crap - what purpose does it serve exactly eh? There's nowt as cheap as words and as usual these exes are good at spouting crap but their actions don't match up. And I know how awful it is to just be getting on the right track and then finding a text which sets you back a bit. Lots of love pet - I'd be boiling too x
Hi everyone else. Been up all night dealing with sick. Turns out exh saw the boys on Thursday knowing that he had a sickness bug. Great eh?

Mumfun Sat 09-Apr-11 10:31:22

Arghhhhhh for you both Sov and Goo.

Poor me texts -i get poor me in person - lovely!!!

Anyway off to work . Have lovely sunny days everyone. Supposed to be 22 here tomorrow -yippee!

KateonMN Sat 09-Apr-11 10:46:49

sov & ladies (waves a self tanned brown hand around - I'm so rubbish at the post tan hand wash!)

I hate the poor me texts, I had the poor me phone call last week, after he changed the locks on the family home and told me I didn't deserve half the equity because I made a 'lifestyle' choice to work PT so I could bring up our girls.

Phone call was along the lines of "I need you to know I'm not a bad person and I'm SOOOO chuffed your life is going so well"

As if that makes it OK for them to abandon their kids when their dick feels like chasing someone new and shiny.

Listened quietly while he babbled on then told him in no uncertain terms that actually he was a bad person, he was a selfish scumbag and if it wasn't for the girls he wouldn't even be the sort of person I would associate with. And I didn't actually give a toss what his opinion of my life was - I couldn't give a F*^k what he thought about me, my new fella or job..because what he thinks means nothing to me.

They do the 'poor me' for themselves, just like everything else they do is for themselves.

Anyhoo! I'm off to the park with my girls, they are happy as Larry and we will have ice creams and enjoy the sunshine

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 10:52:14

Hi Kate - you are so right - they do it for themselves and noone else. They don't think about the effect they are having on the people around them. More fool the OWs I say!
Off ti Sainsbury's to buy Lego men with pocket money.
Oh and I'm dying to tell someone. Lost my job that I do on a Wednesday due to govt cutting it, which could have left me in a very bad situation - thousands of pound pay cut and 4 days at work instead of 5. BUT...boss has offered me a full time contract to be Head of English throughout the whole school. This means 5 days a week, a management position, lots of opportunities for promotion, as H of English seen as very senior, and a much smaller paycut. Woo hoo! SO chuffed, in my own little way, at being head of English. It's taken 14 years but I've bloody done it! And she said she has no doubt I will be absolutely fantastic at the job, as I always see the bigger picture and my data analysis of pupil results is the best in the school. Who'd have thunk it? I may park provocatively but I can analyse a percentage!

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 11:01:05

I feel like I’ve been up for hours. DD awoke by 6am thanks to my coughing (she was in my bed) and was fresh as a daisy. So she was off playing with her toys as the sun came up. DS woke about 30 mins later. So I was showered and dressed by 7.15am. Gorgeous weather today. Having a problem with my washing machine. Hoping my lovely neighbour can fix it when he comes over later.

Sun burn still sore sad Still cross with myself for burning. I also feel I’m letting things slide. I have this terrible habit of picking at the dry flaking bits of skin round my finger nails and I’ve been doing it for years. I don’t bite my nails but this habit HAS to stop. I also peel dry skin off my lips too. Horrid hey? I’m also gaining weight again from comfort eating blush

Just to clarify the other days comment. I’ve never actually dieted properely. Slimming world seems to be about eating well so you’re satisfied just watching certain things. I hate diets tbh smile But I think they can work personally. I do not agree with starving yourself to loose weight or fad diets that are out there.

I need a visit to the dentist but I’m in denial. I had a filling 18 months ago but the guy didn’t do a good job. Now I’ve moved back here I need to see a better dentist and have a check but I haven’t blush Kids haven’t began check ups either yet blush

The big dome won’t be built until Autumn this year at Butterfly world and the wild flowers aren’t up yet, and some of the gardens weren’t open yet. By June it will look awesome there.

Kate – I went through a stage of also reliving everything ExH had done at about 6 months. It was horrid. You’re not s shit mother. Hope you’re feeling a bit better. Could you pack bags and prepare the sandwiches the night before? Would that help in the morning? Or shower the night before? I’m always 5 mins late, so I’m dreading DD starting school full time in Sept as I’m hopeless, so I’ll have to start the above blush Urgh at his weekly phone call on Thurs. Love your business like attitude with him.

Googoo – please delete him as a friend or at the very least hide your status updates from him in privacy settings, so he cannot see them or comment. Urgh your silly ex giving him his tummy bug. Hope he’s starting to improve now. I’d be anti bac spraying everything to make sure the other DC doesn’t catch it. But I’m mega paranoid on tummy bugs as my two sleep so badly when they’re ill. I cannot cope on no sleep blush

Well done on configuring business e-mail Patience smile I’d love to buy some lovely candles when your website is up and running smile

Mumfun – hope things are ok. How did the ultimatum go? Picnic yesterday sounded lush.

Sov – so sorry for the text. Words are so meaningless at times like this from them. I’d have found it so hard not to reply.

Mmm lemon drizzle cake. Yum!

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 09-Apr-11 11:02:59

Well done googs

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 11:03:22

Wow huge congrats on the promotion Googoo! Woop woop! Fantastic news x

partytime Sat 09-Apr-11 11:04:41

Hello everyone, lovely day here too, makes you feel so good even though there's so much crap going on all around you.

Not posted for a while but catch up most days.

Googoo you must be so proud of your achievements. I wish I had a career that allowed me to be independent of my ex. I'm going for life coaching soon to help me find confidence in my abilities and some direction, as I eel I'm going round in circles and making no headway.

Had the 'poor me' talk a couple of weeks ago. How he's lost his self-respect and that because he's paying my mortgage and the bills he hasn't enough money to replace his worn out shoes!! Then found out via DC that he'd been on a swanky holiday in a hot, sunny place for a week with OW. I text him and told him that he had no shame, especially as we are in dispute over how much maintenance I should receive. What a knob!!!

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 11:06:40

My washing machine saga

<waves to partytime> smile

romneymarsh Sat 09-Apr-11 12:00:11

Googoo - well done that is amazing! So pleased for you, you have obviously worked very hard to get to Head of English, and after all those problems you were going through earlier in the year when that lady at work was being awful to you. Block him on FB!!

Sov - I know that message would mess with anyones head but at the same time I would take a little comfort that he is seeing the fallout of his actions. What a tosser (him not you).

Tea - sorry your are suffering with your sunburn.

Happy - Thanks for starting new thread

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 12:36:16

Oh Tea I feel for you. I have an ongoing tumble dryer saga here...

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 12:36:30

Thanks for all the congratulations girls x

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 18:46:30

sigh...bit of a crap day really, despite the weather. Probably just due to lack of sleep, an ill child and mountains of washing. This too shall pass. Hope everyone else has been enjoying the sun x

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 19:25:52

Do you have a nice washing line? I suppose if the weather with you is as good as here, most things would've dried well. How's the boy now?

I have a very foamy washing machine, as I threw some bleach in earlier and ran it on 90 degrees, what WAS I thinking?!?!?!?! Neighbour did get pump cover off but it didn't half take a lot of effort. One kirby grip and 2 coins in there.

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 19:31:05

Is it sorted now Tea? Couldn't think of anything worse! Lol at bleach and 90 - kind of thing I would do.
Haven't got a washing line but need to rig one up. Jusy had everything draped over garden to dry it.
DS is ok - just no energy and been in all day, which is totally unlike him. Was up until 1am Friday morning, then last night he was sick in bath, then sick in his bed at about 10, then sick in his bed again at about 12 - so was up half the night. Same old story eh? We've all been through it.
The amount of army and lego men in my washing machine is quite worrying.
Meant to go to my mum's today but when I phoned her they were both too "exhausted" from a week's holiday on Morocco.... parallel universe. If only they knew...
Sure I'll get my oomph back tomorrow. Also, exbf's comments on fb haven't helped. I know I need to delete him. Guess I know I'll be truly over him when I can

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 19:39:44

No just limit what he can view on your profile. That he can't make those silly comments on there.

Teaandcakeplease Sat 09-Apr-11 19:39:58

*Then blush

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 09-Apr-11 20:50:38

Got a lovely voicemail 2 nite saying he had guessed he wasn't allowed to see the kids tomorrow so he's working(he never asked to see the kids or apologised for last week) he said " don't bother calling me because I won't answer my phone" ......oh well .

soverign21 Sat 09-Apr-11 20:53:32

Evening all, thanks for your comments, i thought i might have been overreacting but have read it again and again and no i think my anger is definately right "i'm gutted for myself that i can be so heartless" PRICK!!!
I havent text back but did sneak a peek at his FB today to see if he'd put anything and apparently he hasn't dreamt it over 10 years but last night had a recurring dream getting more graphic where he saw himself dead, over and over again and he was very shaken up this morning
His siter commented that it means a big change is coming....thought that was tarot cards??
Personally i think his dream means that the part of him he thought he was ie good dad, good man, good partner ect ect is dead and he's not those things anymore so his subconcious has processed that realisation this way, what do you think??
Today has been ok although my phone took a dive in a cup of tea earlier and isn't working grr
Am off to a barbeque with bouncy castle and alcohol tomorrow, cant wait

Congrats on the job promotion Googoo
Glad the washing machines sorted Tea

Getting, i too am doing the maths course with Learndirect, am doing Level 2, was very surprised to discover how much i had forgotten (long division confused) when i finished the section on whole numbers yesterday and passed the little test at the end i was sooo chuffed with myself think i may have this licked by May, can't wait am so excited lol

Patience, havent re arranged date, have been chatting to him still but has become less frequent and he's starting to bore me before we've even met!! lol
I just keep wondering how i'm going to manage it tbh, i want to meet someone and have a relationship but the practicallities of how to do it with 4DC is just not there really, X saying he wants me to meet someone else ,i was so tempted to reply 'and how exactly do you expect me to do that with 4 kids hanging off me and you not pulling your weight re looking after them' but i didnt, it's just another way to draw me in, he obviously knows my situation so he's just being a dick, he will be quite surprised that i havent text back as normally i would and would have ended up in a big argument but i just cant be arsed, dont want anything to do with him anymore, i'm disgusted at the way he has treated the DC

Waves to everyone, am away to watch a film, have the rest of my ice cream to finish :O

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 09-Apr-11 20:53:39

Ps adjustable spanner cool ,replaced all the bent bits on our trampoline !

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 09-Apr-11 20:59:56

Waves to sov ,I'm like that too ,i just cant be arsed with it ,it just got boring.

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 09-Apr-11 21:05:36

My X knew what he was doing every step of the way,he thought i would always love him and he could always treat me like shit.
Funny how disrespecting ur wife and kids and putting ur gf first ,kills any love that was left.I think he is just realising that .

googoomama Sat 09-Apr-11 21:35:05

Oh Patience - he's painting himself as the victim again eh? Not allowed to see the kids...and when he's meant to see them he just doesn't turn up! Yes, after so much shit, you can't go on loving them. I was like that with exh. He killed all the love I had once had for him by verbally and mentally abusing me for years. After a while, when I looked at him, I was either scared or irritated.
Sov - your ex has got a nerve. I only have 2 kids but also think like you now (and I have the luxury of time without them too which you don't have) - where would I fit in time for a relationship? Already can't believe that I managed to travel 150mile round trip every other weekend to see exbf...
Patience - told the boys today that I would buy em a big trampoline, then felt utterly crap cos I know I wouldn't be able to put it up on my own. I need you down here mate! x

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