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Pregnancy

It’s not my husbands baby!!!

259 replies

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:35

Hello again everyone, I shared a thread a few weeks back about my situation, I didn’t reply but I read everything and I listened to everyone advice and opinion respectively.

Anyway I’m lost I don’t know what to do or where to go as I done a prenatal paternity test while carrying and the results came back as not my husbands.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and my husband still thinks it’s his baby, we already have a little boy together and I’m so devastated about ripping the family apart because of my little boy. I feel so so so guilty, I feel like I have destroyed my life.

The guy who baby I am carrying is a wonderful guy to be honest and has said he wants to be involved and he is very excited about having a little baby girl but at the same time he is very very scared of the future especially because of my situation, and how my husband will react.

So I’m super confused what to do?

Do I tell my husband? now that I know the results so far into the pregnancy? I’m scared his reaction could put me into labour!!!

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

Do I not tell him YET and wait for baby to be born then do a DNA test?

I’m just so scared myself on what to do, there isn’t no easy way out and I have to suffer the consequences as it was my choice to cheat on my husband. Just not sure what next step to take.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

Report

BendydickCuminsnatch · 08/09/2019 06:39

Well if the father knows and wants to be involved then surely your husband will find out some way anyway? I would have said either keep the secret to yourself for life if DH and the bio dad have similar looks, OR tell DH... but now one person knows it’s going to come out anyway I’m afraid! Definitely tell DH before he hears from someone else I.e. the dad.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/09/2019 06:41

I think you need to tell him sooner rather than later.

EmptyOrchestra · 08/09/2019 06:42

You need to tell him before the baby is born, it would be cruel to leave it any longer

MrsElizabethShelby · 08/09/2019 06:43

If you wanted to keep this to yourself and deceive your husband you have already told too many people ie: Other Man.

Time to come clean love. Your husband at least deserves to know what he is married to and make an informed decision on whether he is willing to stay.

What a fuck up.

CupoTeap · 08/09/2019 06:43

What's the test you've taken?

Zoflorabore · 08/09/2019 06:44

I’m sorry I haven’t read your other thread.

Does your DH know about the other father?

Thing is if the actual father knows and wants to play an active role in his dd’s life then your DH is going to find out anyway isn’t he?
It’s a horrible situation though. I think you need to tell him soon to give him time to process the news and to decide what he wants to do ( if anything ) about your marriage.
Good luck.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 08/09/2019 06:44

Tell your husband. It’s too big a secret and you owe it to all the parties involved.
Do you actually want to be with your husband? You talk about not wanting to tear the family apart and your little boy, but not about being with your husband.
I think you need to woman up, and sort this out before the baby arrives.

Jesse70 · 08/09/2019 06:45

Does your husband know there's a chance he might not be?

saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 06:46

How reliable was this test was it from blood or from the amniotic fluid?Either way now there is someone else who knows,its very likely your husband WILL find out.Clearly you don't want to leave your husband(well I'm reading into that wrong that maybe you do) ,so can i ask why you even told this other man he could be the father?Or was it a case of he would of already worked it out.
This is an awful position to be in and i do feel for you,xx

Zampa · 08/09/2019 06:46

What is your ideal outcome? Think about how you would like things to be in the future and work backwards from there

(Personally, if DH had a baby with another woman but wanted to stay married, I'd run a mile).

lunar1 · 08/09/2019 06:46

Tell him! You would be unbelievably evil to let your husband become attached to the baby in any way at this point.

OhioOhioOhio · 08/09/2019 06:47

You are going to have to tell your h.

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:47

He does want to be involved but he and myself both know the situation we have got ourselves into and it’s not pretty and he does give me the impression he is not keen at times. We have discussed all options and we haven’t ruled out any at this moment but if I said I don’t wanna tell my husband as bad as it sounds he would give me peace for now anyway. We can’t see the future but as of now it is still a option.

He will not hear from the dad because he is shit scared of his reaction and mit go crazy and do something very bad as this is one of the worse things a women could ever do to your husband, I feel sick thinking about what I have done, and my husband has every right to go completely bonkers.

OP posts:

ShippingNews · 08/09/2019 06:51

If you've already told the other guy, there isn't any point in thinking about telling DH it's his .

Also no point in pretending you don't know and then getting a DNA test after it is born - what reason would you give DH for doing this ? It's pointless.

You've already burned your bridges by telling the other guy. You can't pretend any longer . He isn't going to keep quiet, specially since he is so darned excited about being a father .

Does this guy know you are married ? Sorry but it seems like an odd reaction that he is so excited about being daddy to this baby girl, if he knows you are married to someone else.

You and this other guy sound very young to me. Time to think about your husband and tell him the truth.

HeronLanyon · 08/09/2019 06:53

Your dh will know surely, as the father wants to be involved. I can’t see how the option of never telling him is even a possibility.
Add to that the father is clearly involved with you - he knows, he knows it’s a girl, he knows he is the father, the two of you have ‘discussed all options’. He’s clearly very much involved with you. I can’t see my thing in your posts which indicates why you are wanting to stay with your husband. You seem very involved the the other man. I’d think the baby is the least of your decisions !

ShippingNews · 08/09/2019 06:55

Your husband might not hear directly from the other guy, but I bet the guy will tell someone - a friend or his family. And word gets around, especially when it's something like this. The worst outcome would be for your DH to hear about this from someone else - that would be really humiliating for him . You've done the wrong thing by him already - don't make it worse by leaving him to find out from someone else.

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:58

ShippingNews

He will not tell my husband due to his reaction and could beat him up or maybe worse who knows, he said if I don’t tell him then it’s your choice. He will not do it.

Yes he knew I was married ... I had an affair with him for 4-5 months before I got pregnant, we are very very close, we talk daily, he is a great guy and I did fall for him I tried to stay away but always ended up back to him. But now reality has kicked in for us both and we both very scared.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 08/09/2019 06:59

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

I agree with PP your husband needs to know. He needs to know before the baby is born so he can decide whether he wants to stay with you and be a part of the baby's life or not. You chose to have sex with another man and keep the baby knowing it may not be your husband's so you need to own that decision and do the right thing.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/09/2019 07:00

You talk about your husbands reaction and him beating people up. Regardless of the issues/ morals are you safe OP?

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:02

I just never wanted my child to have his mum and dad separate, it breaks my heart it really really does, and il do anything to keep my little boy happy, maybe the love for my husband isn’t as strong as it once was but this is something I never wanted to happen. Yes I know I messed up we all have choices and I choose this but now it’s closer to becoming real I’m just very very scared.

OP posts:

Jesse70 · 08/09/2019 07:03

He will find out eventually
It was stupid of u to have an affair but it's done now
If his reaction could be really bad I suggest you move out before you tell him
That gives him the space to think about what has happened and decide what he wants to do
Very poor decision making on your side to have unprotected sex and keep a baby u knew would cause major issues

ShippingNews · 08/09/2019 07:03

He will not tell my husband due to his reaction and could beat him up or maybe worse

The other guy might be scared of what your husband will do, but I can guarantee it'll be a lot worse if he finds out from someone else. Men are not known for keeping secrets like this - I'd bet money that he'll confide in his friend / mother/ someone else.

What you do is up to you, but this kind of thing never ends well if you lie about it.

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saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 07:03

Hi @Ashley021 you seem quite frightened of your husband.Are you aware there are organisations that can support you if you and DS do want to leave him.Apologise if i am totally wrong but I just have an inclination he is abusive.You have mentioned hoe scared of him you and other man are.

saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 07:04

Thanks @Teateaandmoretea that's the wider issue here,this bloke sounds a maniac

saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 07:06

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse/

@Ashley021

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