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Baby Showers?

(101 Posts)
sweetchilli77 Tue 28-Feb-17 15:33:53

What are peoples views on a baby shower?

Who is having one?

Did you organise it yourself or did a family member or friend?

I ask this because my friend has just asked am i having one, when i said "not that i know of" she replied "its just everyone seems to have them these days"
which is probably true in our circle of friends.

Before getting pregnant i didn't really like the thought of a baby shower. I found them to be a bit cheeky, and that the guests are expected to turn up with a gift....i also wasn't keen as i was dealing with infertility and found people feeling sorry for me......anyway

Im now pregnant after a successful adoption so didn't really get to do the whole "shower"thing.

I feel if i arrange my own its cheeky but i don't want to come across as "woe is me" by expecting a family member to do it or friend.....

Jesus what the hell am i posting....bloody baby brain and hormones

Italwaysworksitselfout Tue 28-Feb-17 15:46:08

My dm wants to have one for me but I am a bit unsure about it as I feel it's a bit cheeky. I'm an older mum as well and this is my 4th. There are 15 years between this one and my dd so I'm not sure if it is now acceptable to have baby showers. I've never been invited to one 😕

AnyFarrahFowler Tue 28-Feb-17 15:52:17

I didn't want one for DS as he was a January baby and I didn't want to add to the expense of Christmas for my family & friends. I still ended up having one at work which was lovely of them, but I don't think I'll have one for DC2. Each to their own though.

rainbowpie Tue 28-Feb-17 15:58:34

I think they are tacky and grabby tbh. I didn't have one with either of mine. I've been invited to two and made my excuses.

sweetchilli77 Tue 28-Feb-17 16:00:19

This is the thing, i adopted a newborn baby.....we got spoiled rotten, but didn't get the work thing cause i just disappeared and obviously didn't have a shower.

I don't think I'm that bothered if i don't, i think whats bugging me more is that my own family haven't asked me if id like one, which makes me think is it just hormones and I'm being petty.

Im 39 and a lot of friends had there baby in their 20s and it wasn't such a thing really.

Maybe ive got too much time to think about it sad

Jojo13 Tue 28-Feb-17 16:18:12

I'm not a fan. Tacky and grabby as previous poster.
I find them sickly sweet to attend, sitting around with a group of women talking about childbirth and cute baby clothes isn't really me, i would definitely not like one myself and haven't had one either time, but three maybe I'm just one big fat misery guts?!

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 28-Feb-17 16:21:26

I wouldn't. You don't seem up for it at heart and they are pretty naff.

I also have to say that IMHO the concept of them sits badly with me as personally I'd rather wait until baby is safely delivered before getting the party poppers out.

Don't do it to placate your chums. X

Tobuyornot99 Tue 28-Feb-17 16:22:09

I didn't have one. I told all my friends and family in no uncertain terms that they weren't to organise one. My work colleagues did a surmise one in my last week, I enjoyed it and was touched, but as it was just sandwiches and cake over lunch there was nothing to dislike. I generally find them grabby. The only one I ever went to resulted in the mum to be in tears because someone suggested we play a guessing game involving the circumference of her belly, she was emotional and feeling fat so it didn't go down well. I now politely decline all invites.

kshaw Tue 28-Feb-17 16:30:14

Having one - my best friend has organised but I've said on the invites (Facebook) that I do not expect gifts and I'm just using it as an excuse for all friends to be in the pub (yup not going for anything fancy) at the same time! Just want to spend time with friends and seems it's easier to organise an 'event' than catch up at any other point

Pinkbottletop Tue 28-Feb-17 16:33:03

I can't wait for mine. I loved going to baby showers. I'm only 11 weeks and so I still have a long way to go, but I'm too much of a control freak to allow anyone to plan it for me and so that takes the stress off of someone else, I suppose! Will probably also group it in with a gender reveal.

JessieMillz25 Tue 28-Feb-17 16:42:42

I had two. A work one and a family one, both were surprises. It made me feel very loved 😊

MollyofTheFolly Tue 28-Feb-17 16:43:18

Having lost a baby later in pregnancy I just feel uneasy about them, the time for celebrating is when baby is here, safe and sound.

oliversmummy26 Tue 28-Feb-17 16:53:08

Baby Showers are an American invention where the custom is to give a baby gift before the baby is born, at the shower. In the UK, the general custom is to give a new baby gift after the baby has safely arrived. I have always found baby showers to be a bit grabby and sickly sweet and it comes across as asking for two gifts in my opinion. I have been invited to a few and have gone, and have ended up giving two smaller gifts rather than one big gift for the friends/family who haven't had a shower.

I think getting together with some girl friends for afternoon tea or similar or a lunch/drinks is fine, but I would make sure everyone knew not to bring a gift if that's what you would like to do..

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Tue 28-Feb-17 17:04:30

It's very American and I think in some countries it probably goes over fine because everyone has them and they are very run of the mill. In England it's not something that most people really expect and I think it does seem grabby. I was invited to one and to be honest I did roll my eyes because it was exactly the person I would have expected to host one (she is basically lovely but she's very dramatic and flowery, loves the limelight and is a bit grabby). It wasn't really my cup of tea, a bit tacky and basically just felt like "please buy me a present and come and shower me with attention for an afternoon". I politely declined.

Italwaysworksitselfout Tue 28-Feb-17 17:16:59

I'm going to tell dm not to bother as I think I'll be too worried people think it's grabby (me included) and attention seeking 😕 I don't like being in the limelight anyway and I feel I'm too old for such things. Each to their own 😆

Helbelle75 Tue 28-Feb-17 17:23:38

I've said I don't want one. I agree that babies should be celebrated when they arrive, and we've enjoyed buying everything ourselves.

LoveAB Tue 28-Feb-17 17:26:01

I'm having the same dilemma! So I'll watch this thread with interest. I do tend to roll my eyes when I'm invited to them, but the last one I went to was actually really fun and I don't want to miss out!

The gifts make me feel awkward however, and I agree with others who've said you should celebrate after the babies born, it's kind of tempting fate.

I think I'll probably have a meet up with some very close friends before the babies born for lunch or something, which will be a nice excuse to celebrate and relax before the madness arrives, say no presents, and then invite them all together after the babies born too (so they can give me presents then wink)

MrEBear Tue 28-Feb-17 17:36:16

I think they are grabby, esp for a second baby, yes your first is your adopted baby and you admit you were "spoilt rotten".

What would you look for people to buy you that you don't already have?

sweetchilli77 Tue 28-Feb-17 17:42:48

Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that. Nothing against those who are having one though.

I like the idea of having a little meet up for lunch with a few close friends but i don't want gifts, tbh having a small baby i don't need anything anyway.

As regards to waiting for baby to be born, I'm much the same on that one, only because i feel this is all too good to be true having dealt with years of infertility.

Watch this now, ill have some big bloody surprise shower organised and I'm saying all this hahahah

thanks again ladies and good luck xx

Sparklyuggs Tue 28-Feb-17 19:28:51

I've been pondering this. I'm either doing a no gifts policy or I read about a book shower where people can bring a book they loved as a child, which appeals to me more than an inappropriate outfit that will barely be worn.

I live abroad so it would be lovely to have the chance to see my friends before I'm too Pg to fly as I won't fly with the baby for a few months.

Oh and no games, not my thing. Just cake and brew

MinnieNoush Tue 28-Feb-17 19:39:24

I feel like in your first post it came across like you wanted to have one but you thought it might appear cheeky as this is your second child, even though you didn't get the opportunity to have one with your first. Now after lots of people have said negative things about baby showers you are agreeing and saying you don't want one.

I think you should definitely have one, you deserve to celebrate this wonderful time in your life and it certainly doesn't have to be about gifts if that makes you uncomfortable, it's about getting together with all the people you love and celebrating and spending some time with them before the baby arrives.

I feel like baby showers are completely normal these days, every single person I know who has had a baby has had one and I have always enjoyed them. I'm having mine in a couple of weeks and I am so excited, I feel like it will be something I will treasure and remember forever and I can't wait to spend time with my loved ones, take some last photos of me with my baby bump and all my friends to look back on in years to come and just silly things like that.

Also, I don't think it's weird to organise your own but if that makes you uncomfortable perhaps you could ask a friend or family member to help you organise one.

LoveB Tue 28-Feb-17 19:46:40

Sparkyuggs the book idea is a great idea! I may steal that one

Sparklyuggs Tue 28-Feb-17 19:53:06

loveb I think it's great- needn't be expensive but is a way to give a small gift. I don't give gifts until the baby arrives and tell the mum to be that, but I'd be happy to give a copy of a book I loved and a bigger present later.

sweetchilli77 Tue 28-Feb-17 19:55:16

MinnieNoush its not that I'm against them, i just always thought they where a bit cheeky, however your right about me not having the chance before which is why ive asked the questions on my 1st post and it was a friend who asked me what where my thoughts on one.

.My other point is, i didn't really want to arrange my own shower but if i expressed this i didn't want people to think I'm playing the woe is me victim and make people feel guilty.

Also what i didn't add was, I'm 32 week now. I'm having a party at 34 week which will be my LO celebration day at court, so we will be celebrating the finalisation of the adoption process, and then at 38 week will be her 1st bday. I feel like i have a lot on to organise my own shower, plus these other events plus cope being 39 week pregnant if i get that far, As well as have a toddler hahaha. Life is a bit hectic.

I will see what the next few weeks bring. Im swinging from day to day so god knows what i want. Hormones sad

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 28-Feb-17 20:00:15

Goodness, haven't you got enough parties coming up? Or is the adoption a private celebration? I think it would be difficult to ask friends/family to attend 3 events in a month.

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