Baby Showers?

[sweetchilli77]

What are peoples views on a baby shower?

Who is having one?

Did you organise it yourself or did a family member or friend?

I ask this because my friend has just asked am i having one, when i said "not that i know of" she replied "its just everyone seems to have them these days"
which is probably true in our circle of friends.

Before getting pregnant i didn't really like the thought of a baby shower. I found them to be a bit cheeky, and that the guests are expected to turn up with a gift....i also wasn't keen as i was dealing with infertility and found people feeling sorry for me......anyway

Im now pregnant after a successful adoption so didn't really get to do the whole "shower"thing.

I feel if i arrange my own its cheeky but i don't want to come across as "woe is me" by expecting a family member to do it or friend.....

Jesus what the hell am i posting....bloody baby brain and hormones

Pink we have had birthday parties for my son every year since his first birthday. His 1st obviously he didn't remember and we were aware of that, so it was just immediate family for that, a very small gathering at home.

However, he's now 4 and remembers parts of his 2nd birthday and very clearly his 3rd and 4th parties..I tended to invite family and friends with children around the same age. I wouldn't invite a friend with no children unless they were a god parent or something, and understand what you're saying, I imagine it's deathly boring for you!

Since he's been 3 though, several of his other friends are having parties and it's very difficult to say no to him when he only wants what all his friends are having. They have never been very lavish affairs, just a small group of friends and family and some party food.

I don't think it's the same thing at all, as this is something for your child, whereas I think a baby shower is for the mum to be to be spoilt and made a fuss of. There are different ways to spoil and make a fuss of pregnant ladies without getting your friends to play guess the baby food flavour or what's in the nappy! I only think baby showers can seem a little "grabby" as in the UK the tendancy is to give a gift after the baby has been born. Having a baby shower before the birth makes me think, great, now I have to buy two presents! That's where the "grabbiness" comes from I think..

I think if you want a baby shower perhaps after the baby has been born would be a better time, then all the risk is gone, the baby is here safe and well and you can show it off to all your friends and have some tea and cake!

I have no issue with birthday parties and really don't think it's the same. It's traditional in this country to buy gifts for a baby once its been born. A baby shower usually requires not only a larger spend, as you're buying things for the mum, but you also then need to buy for the baby when it's born. Which is what irks me about the whole thing. You get the gifts twice!!

Just to ask, in the U.S.A, is it typical to have a gender reveal party with gifts, and a baby shower with gifts, and gifts once the baby arrives, and maybe another set of gifts if the child is then Christened / Baptised etc? Because that seems bonkers.

That's not how my circle of friends do baby showers and I think it's quite short sighted to assume all baby showers are the same and all are grabby. I also don't buy gifts once the baby is here if I've bought one for the baby shower. I also don't buy gifts for the mum; I buy for the baby.

Like I said in a previous post, I do not want a revolving door of people coming to hold the baby and bring me gifts. When I'm ready, I will take the baby to see people who I feel need to see the baby and I will also then extend invites to others to come over.

My baby shower will be intimate and classy and completely not grabby. I would never hold it against anyone if they didn't bring a gift. Nor would I specify what kind of gift to bring/donate etc.

I understand birthday parties for children at an age where they understand and can appreciate it; but to me birthday parties for babies just seems OTT for me and again grabby as you can't attend with no gift. To me, baby showers are a celebration of an upcoming baby. It's a chance for everyone who cares to come together and socialise for that purpose. I can't see a difference in having a birthday party for a 1 year old and having a baby shower. Either way that child has no recollection of it and won't have a clue what's going on.

If the only issue is gifts; don't bring one. Plus, the risk doesn't end when the baby is born, so to me that's not a valid enough reason.

Everyone has them here. A nicer way people do it sometimes is to call it a Blessingway which is to welcome a new mother in to motherhood and ask for no gifts.

Sil just had her 2nd baby shower in 18 months for a same sex child. Put where she was listed in big letters on the invite. Apart from us and parents nobody showed, not even her best friends. And now everyone thinks she's an awful grabby cow.

Bummy yeah I would find your SIL a bit cheeky. I'd still go but probably wouldn't bring a gift.

All the baby showers I have been to have been exactly as I've described, so I am just giving my experience and opinion which is what the OP requested. I've never been invited to a party which has stated no gifts, nor that gifts are not required or what type of gift, it is generally assumed that a gift will be expected. And turning up to a party where other guests have brought gifts and you haven't would feel awful I imagine.

When I had my DS I didn't have the revolving door of people coming to hold the baby and give gifts as I think most people understand that the first few weeks of having a baby are exhausting and the last thing you want to do is tidy the house and put your make up on and get dressed to attend to visitors. People understand this and generally wait to be invited. 90% of my baby gifts were posted to me. I am genetically programmed to send a gift when a baby is born, that's just the way I am, but I think lots of people would be the same.

I can understand that it will be an exciting time, particularly if this is your first baby and if it's what you want to do then of course, go for it! I'm sure you'll have a great time. Especially if it's what your friend circle does then I think that's fine. But only a handful of my mummy friends have had showers.

I really can't see the harm in having a birthday party for a 1 year old and would far prefer that to a baby shower before the baby is born (of course the risk doesn't end when the baby is here, but it's far higher before) as you can see your child's reaction to the attention he's getting from family and friends. Are you saying you won't have a first birthday gathering for your child when it's here as I find it very hard to believe that you wouldn't mark the day in some way..

pinkbottle I think the difference for me is that you wouldn't do a 1st birthday party at 9 months, so a celebration of an unborn baby is a bit early for some, whereas once they are born you're celebrating the arrival. Stillborns are rare but do happen which is why some feel uneasy with a baby shower. Not sure if that makes sense?

Pink we didn't take a gift. She and mil have made snippy comments ever since.

Oliversmummy I understand you've had bad experiences with baby showers but I think this thread has taken the tone that it's looked down upon way for anyone to have one and I think to look down on anyone for wanting to celebrate their baby's impending arrival is disgusting. I'm not saying you've personally done it which is why I haven't targeted you. But if someone invites you to a baby shower and you don't want to go or find it 'grabby' is completely your choice but I don't ever think we should make someone feel bad for wanting one. And that's what's coming across on this thread.

In my experience, people tend to be far more excited in the prospect of a baby than the actual reality of one. Some people only want to come along and present a gift and eat cake. They don't want to actually hold the baby or have much to do with the baby itself. I wouldn't expect anyone to go out of their way and post me anything. Most of my friends and family wouldn't. My immediate family will be buying gifts (and have already been buying gifts) all throughout my pregnancy and long after. My friends like baby showers.

I also didn't say I wouldn't have a first birthday party. What I'm saying is that to me, it's the same sort of grabbyness. You're celebrating your baby turning 1. It only really means something to you. A baby shower, imo, is instead of throwing something once the baby is born. I'd hate to throw something when my child is 2 or 3 months and then 9 months late I'm throwing something else and expecting more gifts. No, not for me.

Sparkly Completely understand that. But it all depends on what you're celebrating. For me a baby shower is a chance for everyone to come together before the baby gets here and celebrate that the pregnancy is almost coming to an end and soon life will change and there will be a beautiful baby there. Like a hen party. Which again not everyone likes and that's fine, but I'd personally never make anyone feel bad for having one.

Thanks @pinkbottletop. You have explained it well

As I said I loved having a baby shower. Been waiting almost 11yrs for this Baby to come and all my friends overjoyed that I'm finally preg

As mn always says it's an invitation not a summons - when it's a wedding or hen do. Same with baby showers

If you don't want to go and celebrate Then that's fine

Just say no

💓👶🏼💓👶🏼💓👶🏼💓👶🏼💓

Don't like the idea personally - as someone else said, for me the point to celebrate is when baby/child (if adoption) - and the whole party games at these things is a bit sickly bleugh lol.

I don't like the idea of a baby shower at all and didn't have one with either pregnancy (i didn't have a proper hen party either for similar reasons - a few of us just went to the pub) - but each to their own. If you want one, have it! Just maybe specify no gifts till baby safely here. And enjoy a day with friends.
But GENDER reveal parties? Seriously? Are you kidding me? What manner of self absorbed nonsense is this? Who honestly thinks that your wider circle of friends has any real interest in what gender your baby is beyond 'oh a boy? That's nice'. I don't personally understand why on earth people want to spoil the surprise by finding out before they are born anyway (it was one of the best bits of birth for me each time!) but to throw a party to force people to look like their care in front of you - when you're still months off baby safely arriving.... Seriously????

I didn't want one at all and made my views clear on this. I am a much older mum. However a very dear work colleague organised one for me and it was a lovely morning catching up with lots of my work colleagues eating cake and drinking tea. Bliss. Some bought presents some didn't was a very relaxed experience

My daughter had a baby shower last year which was arranged by her friends and held in my house. It was lovely, really relaxed and not tacky or grabby at all.
All her friends brought a plate of food, I made sandwiches and scones with jam and cream and got out my grandmas tea set so a proper afternoon tea with a few bottles of prosecco for those that fancied it.
We had a couple of games - everyone brought along a baby photo of themselves , we hung them on the wall with mini clothes pegs and had a guess at identifying who was who which went down well and a guess the weight with a box of chocolates as the prize.
Only those people who lived further away or were work colleagues tended to bring small gifts, others waited until the baby was born as she hadn't found out the sex.
It was a lovely get together of around 20 family and friends, lots of different age groups, with no expense for the guests and loads of happy memories.

I don't think they're grabby at all - why are wedding gift lists not granny buy baby showers are? People buy stuff for babies anyway. Only on mumsnet have I heard people say negative things (same as money as a wedding gift). Have one if you want one, if you don't then don't.

*grabby!

I've only been to one, it was crappy and twee.
I've dodged another two since. I didn't have one myself, I was very clear it's not for me.

MIL wants me to have one. I'm refusing. The main reason being that I have no friends to invite.

I arranged an afternoon at the pub as a chance to see friends before I popped. Was not a baby shower and did not receive gifts which was just as I wanted 😊

I told my mum that if anyone approached her about organising one she was to put stop to it, unless it was just an afternoon tea or something with a few friends, just a meet up with no fuss. But she said no one has approached her because they all know I'd hate it! I've got such hip issues at the moment as well I can barely leave the house, I can't imagine a social event in these last few weeks!

But they are organising one for me at work for my last week & I'm quite nervous about it as I am worried there will be games / I'll be massively the centre of attention! Hopefully it's just some decorations & cake!

My friends have asked to give me one, the same lovely ladies who planned my hen party. I would gave never asked them to but equally im not going to ask them not to. Im the first of my friends to have a baby and its a bit of a novelty. Ive been to one before and have no problem buying a little something then giving something else when its born. Very much depends on your social circle i think.

I lived overseas for a while where it's acceptable. I attended many and had a shower for me hosted by a family member and also at work. They were lovely occasions and I felt they were genuinely hosted and attended by people who wanted to be there. I guess anyone who thought they were grabby and attention seeking stayed away.
From my experience there were two unwritten rules; never host your own (it can happen at your house if you wish) but you shouldn't have anything to do with the invitations, planning, catering etc and you only have a shower for your first child. It's poor form to have one second time around as it is assumed you will already have everything you need. I suppose those rules would be relaxed if there was a big age gap for example.
If your family and friends want to host for.you then accept. Anyone who thinks you are being grabby will stay away but those that genuinely want to attend can. It seems silly not to have one because of what some people might think.

I probably wouldn't plan one for myself and if someone asked if they could arrange one for me I would probably say no. That's purely because I know other people find them grabby. I ended up having one but it was a total surprise and very low key. It was lovely. My friends drank whisky and I ate cake and opened presents with my DH. There were five guests and two of them are now our DD's godparents.

I actually love the idea of them, and would go to a friend's, (unless I secretly disliked the mum to be or something - I don't have any real friends who I would call grabby behind their backs). I don't think showers are necessarily grabby or tacky tbh, I just know that's how they are perceived (thanks to MN). The only one I have been a guest at was for a friend who I love. It was joyful, beautiful and I loved it because I love her and was thrilled about her baby, so wanted to celebrate with her.

Maybe if some practical stranger presented me with an invite and gift register I'd raise an eyebrow and yes, that's a little grabby.

The babyshower concept makes me cringe. I've been invited to a couple and been to one, heard about friends experience of others.

The games are boring at best and cringe worthy at worst. Who wants to pin the sperm on the womb? Or guess where baby was conceived?

Even afternoon tea there's an expectation of a present. Then another present after the birth. It's all 'me me me' for the mum to be. Sorry, just unpleasant and grabby.