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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby Showers?

100 replies

sweetchilli77 · 28/02/2017 15:33

What are peoples views on a baby shower?

Who is having one?

Did you organise it yourself or did a family member or friend?

I ask this because my friend has just asked am i having one, when i said "not that i know of" she replied "its just everyone seems to have them these days"
which is probably true in our circle of friends.

Before getting pregnant i didn't really like the thought of a baby shower. I found them to be a bit cheeky, and that the guests are expected to turn up with a gift....i also wasn't keen as i was dealing with infertility and found people feeling sorry for me......anyway

Im now pregnant after a successful adoption so didn't really get to do the whole "shower"thing.

I feel if i arrange my own its cheeky but i don't want to come across as "woe is me" by expecting a family member to do it or friend.....

Jesus what the hell am i posting....bloody baby brain and hormones

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Babyblues14 · 28/02/2017 20:04

I think it is like begging for people to buy you things, tbh I wouldnt even ask for gifts when I get married. I want to buy everything myself and dont want anyone to think im relying on them. Im only 11 weeks and my mum has already starting buying loads of stuff. Im not ungrateful, I do appreciate it but im worried by the time baby is here she will have bought everything me lol need to find a way to calm her down

RoseBud2016 · 28/02/2017 20:22

I'm not having a baby shower- I've only ever been to one and I found it really cringey!
But I am planning to invite my closest friends and family round to my house nearer to my due date for an afternoon tea style lunch and drinks.
I'm going to make it clear that it's a get together, not a shower and I don't want any gifts (and I definitely don't want any games )
This pregnancy is the result of a long, hard battle with infertility and until the baby is here I won't feel completely at ease that this is finally it for us. X

RasperryInAMelon · 28/02/2017 20:35

Mines in a few weeks when I'll be 35 weeks and I can't wait. I'm 29 and it's my first DD and I know all of my friends are just as excited. I'm not the first but won't be the last of us.

My best friend and SIL are organising it and are both crazy excited. I have no idea what the plan is, just the date.

McGintyii · 28/02/2017 20:43

I too think they are grabby, greedy and Americanised. My MIL was desperate for me to have one and when I put my foot down she wanted my DP to have a 'going to be a dad' party which he said no to as well. She just wanted a party of some kind we think! We said by all means buy something for the baby once she's here safe and sound but please not beforehand

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/02/2017 21:04

I know the views of baby showers on mn. And they are not approved

I had one Sunday.😛😛

My 3 oldest friends arranged it for me and all wanted to do one as 1) I've been to many over the years 2) Bubs has taken 10yrs ttc and 4 failed private ivf and 5th hit jackpot and friends I've known 20yrs + waned to spoil and surprise me

I did say I didn't want lots of gifts (does feel a tad grabby) but all ignored me and bubs got totally spoilt

After nagging by all - I did do an amazon gift list of things I would like - bibs teats books teethers etc as well as one or two exspensive things that 3/4frirnds clubbed together but I included things that were few pounds as well

All brought their fav book and signed it and all in a box - which is a lovely idea and created a library

And yes op your first post did sound like you wanted one and then all on here said tacky

Have one. The friend who asked you maybe wanted to check no one else is doing you one.

And as for tacky. One of my friends said they all wanted to come and celebrate as knew how much I had wanted a baby and they were overjoyed finally happened and wanted to share the joy

Lots of blubbing from me and df once I was home couldn't believe all the lovely cards and gifts people had given us

Sundaygal · 28/02/2017 22:16

I've been to tons of baby showers. Some of them before the baby was born and many after the baby was born. It is a nice time to celebrate together. If people like having them, great. If not, great ... I wouldn't organise my own, but when someone wanted to organise one for me I felt appreciated. It was nice.

KittyB52 · 01/03/2017 09:50

I am expecting a baby through surrogacy (39 weeks tomorrow!) and hadn't given much thought to baby showers until recently, when a friend asked if she was going to be invited to my baby shower and I had to say there wasn't going to be one. I did feel a tiny bit sad about that, which I know is ridiculous, as they are a recent thing and not required at all.

I am hoping we will have some sort of party once baby arrives so that family and friends can come and meet the new arrival (it's been a looong wait, there are a lot of very impatient people dotted around the country waiting to meet baby ) as well as meet our surrogate, who will be able to enjoy a glass of fizz or two.

oliversmummy26 · 01/03/2017 10:25

I must admit I like the idea of a book shower, and I love that friends signed them, giving baby a library is a lovely idea.

specialsubject · 01/03/2017 10:32

Someone up thread explained why they work in the states but not here.

Pros - chance to meet with friends and have fun before spending months wiping and feeding.
Cons - no good if you don't like games and cutesy stuff, although you could knock all that on the head. And while there is no such thing as luck, if there is no happy ending you have presents etc to deal with.

Me, I give presents when a baby is safely born and I grew out of party games aged about 12 . bear in mind that some of your friends may feel the same.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/03/2017 10:43

THE book idea is lovely. My friend and I did it for a friend late last year and did kinda hope would get the same

Which I did. So have a box of classics :fav books like

Dear zoo
Bear hunt
Guess how much I love you
Tiger came to tea
Each peach pear plum

Etc

Classics that I've read as a nanny for over 20yrs

And all in a lovely box

I'm glad my friends suggested doing a baby shower. Was lovely to see and catch up with some old friends there

Pinkbottletop · 01/03/2017 13:01

I am actually flabbergasted on how much negativity is surrounding baby showers. Maybe it's a generation thing. I don't think any of my friends or family who have had a baby have NOT had a baby shower. It's normal in my circles and definitely not a 'grabby' gift showering exercise. You can ask people not to bring gifts; I've been to some that have done that. I've been to some who have asked for vouchers. I have been to some who have given a link to a wishlist. It all depends.

Every circumstance is different. Some people don't have family or a partner to fall back on for support and help and a baby shower is a great way of helping you not feel so alone and giving you that bit of financial help with gifts - if you want it.

Plus, I know that once the baby is here for me, the LAST thing I'm going to want is a revolving door of visitors all turning up to hold the baby and bring me gifts while I'm sleep deprived and covered in vomit and my house looks a mess. And after a few months when you probably are ready to host something, people tend to lose interest in the fact you've had a baby and move on with their lives.

Different strokes, different folks.

KitKat1985 · 01/03/2017 13:08

I think they're a bit grabby and Americanised too - sorry. I'd also rather give a gift once the baby had safely arrived rather than before, as sadly complications can occur in late pregnancy / labour. All the silly games (like pin the dummy on the baby etc) just make me cringe too.

When I had DD1 I said I didn't want a baby shower but would happily go out for a curry with friends etc before baby arrived (I massively craved Indian food) but no-one seemed up for that. By DD2 thankfully the expectation of a baby shower was much less.

KitKat1985 · 01/03/2017 13:20

Mind you I think gender reveal parties are even worse. Do people really think that hoards of people are really that bothered as to if you are having a boy or girl? Surely the only people who really care are immediate family and maybe a couple of close friends?

Strokethefurrywall · 01/03/2017 13:36

I had a baby shower (British but don't live in UK or US).

We threw showers for every new mum to be in our close circle. Some wanted to register for gifts, others didn't (me, not because I don't agree with registering but because we didn't have a fucking clue what we needed).

Each shower was different and none of them involved party games. Oh no, wait, the first one we threw for the first one of us that fell pregnant, we threw a bachelorette themed baby shower, which involved masses amounts of drinking games, chug the baby bottle etc. That was an awesome day, everyone got ratted (with exception of m2b and myself who was 20 weeks).

For mine, my girlfriends hired a back room in a day spa and arranged deals on mini mani/pedis, champagne, cupcakes then we all went to dinner.

For second babies, we just did a breakfast/brunch and clubbed together for a massage voucher for friend to use.

Despite the general and massively limited view on mumsnet, they aren't all "tacky", "grabby" or "Americanized" (which is just damn insulting frankly).

Let your friends throw you one, just specify no boring baby games like smell the nappy and/or no gifts. If people insist you could always say that you'd like a voucher for a newborn baby photo shoot or similar.

Pinkbottletop · 01/03/2017 13:39

stroke couldn't agree more.

PlinkPlonkPlunk · 01/03/2017 13:43

I've been to a couple... One was lovely; the organiser (friend of the mum-to-be) made it clear that any presents were to be small, like a pack of baby wipes or something like that. The evening involved a few awful games, but was mostly just a chance to chat. The second was more grabby and involved a lot more games - not my cup of tea at all! I didn't have one; just didn't want to.

DeleteOrDecay · 01/03/2017 13:47

I've only ever been to one and didn't have one for either of my dc. The one I went to way okay, but the games and 'fun' stuff were not my thing really, I don't really get the point of them? Id go to one if a friend had one in the future but would never host one.

Anotherminime · 01/03/2017 13:49

I don't like them, they are grabby and seem to be an excuse to get your friends and acquaintances to spend money on you. Second baby showers are even worse imo, absolutely awful, you should have everything you need already so why throw a baby shower and then not thank people for the gifts, not that I'm speaking from experience.

If I wanted to do something it'd just be an opportunity for me to spend some time with my friends - I'd make it perfectly clear that presents were not allowed!!

What I don't get is, if you have had a baby shower, do you then also expect presents once the baby arrives?

Sparklyuggs · 01/03/2017 14:57

I'm not sure I think they're 'grabby', it's more I simply don't like giving baby gifts until the baby is here; but I'd explain that to my friend whose shower it was.

IMO the games are boring, in the same way that hen party games are boring. I'd rather go to a baby shower than a hen do but that's a whole other thread.

MinnieNoush · 02/03/2017 22:11

Gosh from the negativity on her you would think she had asked for your views on having an exorcism for her baby, not a celebration of her pregnancy with the people she loves!! lol

wrinkleseverywhere · 02/03/2017 22:19

The first time I went to one, I was really reluctant for all of the grabby, tacky etc reasons listed on here. However, I had a very enjoyable afternoon sat around with a bunch of friends chatting. I've subsequently been to a few more & now think it's a nice thing to do.

Ljane22 · 02/03/2017 23:03

I'm having one, but I've told people I don't want them to buy me gifts (unless they really want to!) as it is a bit cheeky. We've put a few links on our Facebook event page to some baby charities so people can donate if they want to. I just think it's a nice opportunity to get family and friends together before baby arrives, have some cake and a few glasses of prosecco (them, not me!). It's your shower so do it how you want. Don't feel you have to give into any fads. Or don't have one, it's a personal choice! Oh and I'm arranging my own (with my sister's help) which I think is fine as I'm not demanding gifts.

kel1234 · 03/03/2017 11:33

I'll get flamed for this but here goes, I'm entitled to my opinion.
Personally I don't like them at all. I don't see the need to arrange all that, so people can bring things for the baby. If people really want to get something for the baby, they can do so, either before or after the baby is born. I think they look a bit grabby, like presents are expected (I know some people say no presents, but most people feel expected to get something if going to one).
Also the money spent on arranging one can be used to but things for the baby personally. I'd hate the idea of people thinking I expected them to find my baby.
(When I was pregnant my best friend said she felt bad for not doing one for me. But I said I didn't want one anyway).
Sorry for me baby showers are in the same category as wedding gift registries- unnecessary and grabby. To me, you don't ever ask anyone or expect anyone to get you anything, and baby showers typically involve brining presents, and a wedding gift list is literally telling people what they can get you.
No. Like I said if people want to get you something they can feel free, but I could never and would never ask, or arrange anything where bringing presents is expected or the norm.
As I said I'll be flamed for this, but I mean no offence to anyone at all. Personally I just hate everything about them.

DuggeeHugs · 03/03/2017 11:59

Not my thing at all for various reasons. My focus is on us surviving the pregnancy and birth - that'll be enough of a celebration for me

Pinkbottletop · 03/03/2017 12:22

Can I ask how people feel about birthday parties for children under the age of 5? Because to me it could be perceived as the exact same thing.

You throw a party for a child who won't remember it, invite loads of people (some of which won't have children the same age or at all) and expect them to turn up with gifts and sing children's songs and sit around celebrating the day your child was born.

At least for children over 5, they will remember and participate more and have an understanding that the people there are those who love or care about them. But still a very 'grabby' exercise if I'm going by some of the definitions on this thread. You can say you don't expect gifts but people will still bring one out of obligation.

Personally for me I have been to countless birthday parties of very young children and have been expected to bring gifts and sit around and participate though I don't have children to enjoy the bouncy castle or whatever is there. I'm bored out of my mind. But I go and I try to make the best of it because it's obviously important to the parent.

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