The 12th Gemini Bus - the journey continues

[AGnu]

Looking forward to seeing where this thread takes us!

[AGnu]

I did another test... there's still a line bit it's lighter than Sunday's. I had planned on telling DH tonight but I think I'll wait a couple of days now. I'm out of tests, don't know if I should buy more or if that would just be torturing myself!

[AGnu]

Urgh, I thought I'd distract myself by writing a packing list for our holiday next week. I dug out some old lists that DH put in the filing cabinet & it was taking my mind off everything until I found the list from when I was pg with Calf which included "maternity notes". As if that weren't enough to set me off atm, having come to the conclusion that AF is probably imminent, I then discovered my list for my hospital bag for when I went into labour with Runt! Talk about rubbing salt in wounds! I'm so irrational at the moment I'm having to sit on my hands to stop myself calling DH at work to shout at him for saving those specific lists! I've still not told him I conceived this month - he'd be very confused!

I realise I'm mostly talking to myself now... gives me something to do other than sit around feeling sorry for myself!

[peardrop2]

Oh Agnu It is pure torture waiting for a positive line or AF when you desperately want to know whether your dream has come true. I really really sympathise. Big hugs to you lady and some cake!

[AGnu]

No AF yet, I'm feeling a little calmer now! Cramps have been coming & going all day. I'm trying to figure out when to tell DH. I've made him a cute card of things that are a similar size to a 2wo embryo... just don't want to give it to him if I'm going to have to tell him it's not going to happen again.

[peardrop2]

Have you told him? If it was me I would hold out but I know how hard that is in real life I really want to ask what's on your hospital bag list but I know that it is a no no question lol

[AGnu]

Not yet. It feels wrong keeping secrets from him but it seems easier if only one of us gets excited about the possibility. Not sure when would be the right time to tell him. A miscarriage could happen at any time & I can't keep it from him until I've had a scan! I think he'd probably be hurt if I didn't tell him for much longer than this.

[AGnu]

Told him last night, spotting this morning. Maybe I should just not tell him at all... it does seem to happen right after I tell him. Maybe if I say nothing it won't happen again?!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Hi gals. Feel like a horrible friend and I'm sorry to have left you all for so long without a response.

Agnu I'm sorry you're having to deal with the confusion. Sounds like the shitty place known as "LIMBO". I hope this is just some implantation spotting and onwards and upwards to a truly B F P! I'm impressed you're able to keep it for so long without telling your DH. Mine can read me like a book and he'd be like "what's wrong with you?"

Pear having siblings who don't have kids is a fucking nightmare. I've been there. I totally understand what you're going through and I can empathize with your situation on so many levels. Trying to coordinate with anyone who doesn't have any kids is like that. I shudder to think about what kind of person and friend I was before I had kids.

[AGnu]

DH might have picked up on it at any other time but he's been distracted by his granny's funeral, loads of work & planning for our holiday. Today's his first day off & I'm so glad he's home! No more spotting since the tiniest bit this morning but I've spent most of the afternoon lying in an empty bath feeling like I was about to pass out with D&V! No idea what's going on with my body now! I've sent DH out for a digital test. One that gives a weeks reading will hopefully be easier than peering at lines!

How's life with you bring? Anything yet on DH's job? How's MIL?

[peardrop2]

Bring thank you for sympathising I had to see my sister at a family BBQ today and we said hello but I didn't make chit chat. She was her moody self so I noticed nobody really spoke to her at all. Everyone is sick of walking on egg shells

My other sister has lent me her baby name book so I'm going to have a good read of them tonight.

Agnu don't make us wait too long!!!!!

[AGnu]

Spotting again. More than earlier. Can I go to sleep & wake up when my body decides what's happening?!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Life feels really complicated atm to be honest Agnu MIL isn't really any better but isn't really any worse either. We haven't had any word on whether the radio therapy worked or what the next step is. She is taking a lot of medication for pain control and so she's loopy most of the time and is forgetful. She's unable to walk and is tiring quickly even from someone else pushing her around in a wheelchair. So it's tough. We're really far away so other than DH going to see her... contact hasn't been as great as I would like. She gets really tired even from trying to Skype and conversations are pretty non-existent since she can't keep up with what we're talking about. It breaks my heart that her quality of life isn't what she would want right now because she has always been such an active person who's environmentally conscious and was always very much into mindfulness and yoga... so we're just really trying to come to terms with where she's at right now. A lot of big feels going around.

On the job-front. Still in limbo. Since there hasn't been an actual vacancy for the kind of position DH is looking for, the company hasn't really made much of an effort to contact him and let him know what's happening there either. He got in touch with the director who he sent his CV to and she suggested reaching out to HR who in turn asked for a cover letter (of which I finally wrote myself after bugging the heck out of him for 3+ weeks) so back at a stand-still. Fucking sucks.

And.... dealing with some heavy duty depression and anxiety. Currently seeing a counselor 1x per week and having to work through a lot of heavy family stuff of my own. So it's just all feeling really hard right now!

[AGnu]

Oh bring, that all sounds so tough. I just want to wrap you in a big cosy blanket & make everything better! Do keep us updated when you feel up to it. We may not be counsellors but we're here if it helps to talk! as my DC would say!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Plus... I'm a die-hard independent liberal and our political climate here is a fucking shit-show. A fascist clown versus a corrupt lying psycho bitch and we're expected to chose the lesser of two evils. My favorite just had to step down from the election even after some major corruption leaks that have been released and the media are just as corrupt because they refuse to show the rest of our country what's really going on (unless you're on twitter or facebook groups who are exposing this stuff, you'd never know about it). It's just a whole lot of nasty going on over here. And yes, I've very closely been following the climate in the UK as well so our big anticipated exciting move doesn't really seem to be much in the way of getting out this type of upheaval in our cultural divides. The problem is that I care too much. It's hard to ignore and hard to let go of all the injustice I feel with it right now.

[bringonthetrumpets]

Sorry It's just all come rushing out. Thank you for your support. I do feel like I need a monster hug but if I get one I'll just start bawling again.

DH and I booked a trip over for Oct. We'll stop in Iceland again for a 3-night jet-lag release and adventure and then head over to visit family for a few weeks. We are just so happy that's it's dirt-cheap to travel in Oct! So far even with flights, cars, accommodations, etc, it's been cheaper than just the plane tickets last summer! So something to look forward to. Halloween for the kids over there. Mine and DH's 9-year anniversary so thinking of taking a weekend holiday on our own (TG for his family who actually want to help and take care of our kids for us!) to celebrate. Bath maybe? Any romantic suggestions? So things to keep us moving forward at least.

[AGnu]

It's good you've got things to look forward to bring! Bath is beautiful, the perfect place for a nice weekend!

I totally get the "hug me & I'll cry" feeling. I'm properly bleeding now so updated my pregnancy app & then cried when I got an automated "we're sorry for your loss" email! If DH so much as looks at me the wrong way it sets me off! I'm swinging between making plans for trying again & just sitting on the sofa wallowing. The last thing I feel like doing is packing to go away with friends & pretending to be fine all week. DH is being fantastic & keeping the DC occupied while trying to get things a little organised. Need to pull myself together before tomorrow, it'll be all hands on deck getting packed up ready to leave really early on Saturday.

[peardrop2]

Awww yes Bath is beautiful! I stayed at a lovely spa hotel in Bath for a friends hen party and we had a fab time. Bournemouth and Bristol are also fun places to stay for a weekend break. Is Bath the closest location wise Bring?

Agnu really sorry to hear that AF has arrived. On the bright side...wasn't it this month that was the month you wanted to avoid? Next chance will be a May baby won't it? I do love having a May baby!

I'm having a bit of an odd morning. I seem to be leaking and it's not wee I've had an upset tummy for the last 2 mornings which is unusual for me. I'm now wondering whether these are signs that baby is days away from coming rather then 4 weeks! DH really can't get his head around all this at all and has gone off to work. His response was, surely 4 weeks is too early? Anyway, we haven't even washed the car seat or packed a hospital bag so this will certainly be interesting! I'm amazingly chilled because it's now go to the point where I just can't believe how unprepared we're However, at least I know how to breathe and really that's all that matters! The baby's movements are fine so I'm just going to be at home for the next two days and see how things go. Probably just a false alarm!

[peardrop2]

Waters have broken and I'm now in hospital on antibiotics Probably here all weekend and then if nothing progresses they will induce me on Monday. Feeling a bit shell shocked and sad that I won't be allowed to go on the midwifery led unit Didn't have a hospital bag packed so panicked but now trying to get excited and get my head around my baby arriving 4 weeks early DH is pissing about in Tescos with a shopping list

[AGnu]

Wow, pear! That's a bit dramatic! You weren't supposed to have the baby until at least 8 days from now - I'll be on holiday this week! I'm unlikely to have much signal while I'm away but I'll try to check in when I can. How exciting that you'll get to meet your baby soon! Fx it all goes smoothly for you all! Is bpear coping ok? Hope DH gets all the things you need!

[peardrop2]

Haha Agnu I guess she wants to make an entrance! All I keep thinking about is how unprepared we're The house is upside down and DH has only just started painting the nursery. We didn't get a chance to clean the carpets. Oh well... She will be well loved!

My waters won't stop coming. Seriously, how much water can my tiny bump actually contain!

My sister, the one I was complaining about is with Bpear and took him out for pizza. My mother is away and there is no way my MIL was going near bpear! When I told him I needed to go to the hospital he gave the bump a hug and was absolutely fine with saying goodbye...he is forever surprising me!

[AGnu]

Oh bless him! I'm pretty sure amniotic fluid replaces itself so it's probably like when you've got a cold & have an endlessly runny nose! This could be complete nonsense, I'm pretty sleep deprived from much holiday prep. Don't think I even sat down until getting on for 10 last night & then it was only because my feet hurt so much. I was directing DH's packing until gone 1, took a while to get to sleep & up again at 6. Hope you managed to get some rest last night! Will check back in later before I lose signal!

[AGnu]

Last few minutes of signal for most of the week... Hope everything's ok pear! Have a good week everyone!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Oh gosh! Pear! Wow. Just really hoping the best for you despite the surprise circumstances! And yes, like Agnu mentioned, the amniotic fluid is constantly being made so you'll keep leaking until babe is out. Fun Squee! You're having a baby very soon!! I can't wait to hear about everything!

Have fun agnu! Tell us all about it when you get back!

Has anyone else noticed we have trickled down to like 3 people.

Where the heck is everyone?

[peardrop2]

Things are progressing slowly I begged to come home and they finally let me home yesterday afternoon but all I'm getting is period pains and more waters. Nothing much happening! I've been waving around essential oils and trying to rest as much as possible. Not sure what else I can do to encourage this baby out I have to go back to the hospital this morning for monitoring. I'm booked in for an induction on Monday morning. Just praying that I progress by then!

[Loraline]

Wow pear. Just popped on to attempt to catch up and saw your developments. How are you this morning? Any progression? Thinking of you today