5 month old and pregnant again

[user1476170036]

I have a 5 month old baby and have just found out I'm pregnant again. It took us a while to conceive our first and we're both in our late thirties so decided not to go back on the pill but I never thought it would happen so quickly. I guess in an ideal world, I would have got pregnant again in about 6 months time.

I really don't know how to feel about it all. I remember the excitement and joy when we got the positive test with our first but this time I'm just in shock. I don't want this pregnancy and baby to distract from our current child and mean that she misses out on stuff but I also want to be able to love the new baby as much as the one we already have.

I also am stressing about work as I would have only been due to go back to work about a month before this baby is due, and although my husband has a good job, I'm wondering what this will mean for us financially.

Please can someone who has been through this just tell me that it will be ok!!

[Floridasunset]

I'm going through this now, although we did plan it this way. We will have a 15 month age gap when baby arrives. I can't answer most of your concerns as baby isn't here yet but try to focus on all of the benefits of a small age gap. Hopefully they will be really close and great friends and you get all of the sleepless nights out of the way in one go. Dc1 will be too young to experience the jealousy of a new sibling arriving.
Good luck I'm sure it will be fine

[user1476170036]

Thanks! How far along in your pregnancy are you? I just hope that I'll be able to cope with being pregnant whilst having such a young baby. There are definitely lots of benefits to having a small age gap, that's what I'm trying to focus on at the moment!!

[Floridasunset]

I'm 24 weeks. It can be tiring at times but it's also good not being at work although i do have to go back for a couple of months soon.
I try to have one day a week without plans so we can stay at home and I can nap when baby does if I need to.
The worst thing is dirty nappies when you're feeling nauseous
What will your age gap be?

[Floridasunset]

Also I would contact your HR at work. I still get full maternity benefits but I have a friend who couldn't be more than 15 weeks pregnant when she returned or she didn't qualify for full pay athough would obviously get statutory maternity pay still

[user1476170036]

There will only be a 13 month age gap!! I only get SMP in my work anyway, and had been planning on staying off until October when my little girl will be 1, but new baby will be due in November! Unfortunately I don't even think i'll get SMP next time as I won't be earning enough in the 8 week qualifying period (I'll get SMP for about 4 of those 8 weeks and then nothing for the other 4 weeks). Need to look at it all properly and talk to HR when I get my head around the situation, I may have to go back earlier then planned, but could hopefully take some annual leave to make life a bit easier.

I really worry that this pregnancy is going to mean that I can't focus on my amazing little girl as much as I would have done otherwise in her first year, this has me in floods of tears every time I think about it, guess the hormones aren't helping either....

[hoddtastic]

try to go back sooner for a few weeks and get your mat leave. your daughter will probably not even notice.
It will be hard for a couple of years, and then amazing.

[Toddlerteaplease]

My sister and I had a 15 month age gap. I think my mum was glad to get it over with in one go. We never had sibling jealousy and as adults are very close. It'll be fine op. I think my mum was most stressed when she had four years in a row of my gcsce's then sisters, then my A levels then sisters.

[Floridasunset]

To be honest this pregnancy is nothing like my first. Most of the time I have been so
busy with dd1 that I forget I'm pregnant. She definitely hasn't missed out during the pregnancy and I will be at home for another year so that is a huge benefit for her.
Hopefully once the hormones settle you will be better about that and that once you speak to HR they put your mind at test about the financial side of things. Going back a few weeks earlier will be worth it if you're more comfortable for your maternity leave.

[waterrat]

You know what - the truth is there is no perfect age gap. There will be brilliant things about the age gap you have that will compensate.

Yes there are things that will be hard - having two babies! But they will be incredibly close as siblings. My two are two years apart and there are things about that I hated - having a two year old tantrumming toddler who would scream and shout while I was trying to breastfeed in park ! or trying to potty train while incredibly sleep deprived with a 6 month old - there are so many different things that happen with each age gap.

but now - my two are so close and adore each other - so I'm glad I got it out of the way.

Having the gap you have - bonus is that they will both still be in the baby phase and will enjoy the same activities/ both have naps in the day - you can just keep your routine going - and as you say, how lovely for your eldest to have two years with you around.

[user1490104413]

Hey! First of all, this is a great question and one that I hear a lot (I am a baby consultant). The answer is that you should ask your current baby if he/she wants a sibling. If they can't talk yet then feel free to interpret their non-verb communication as you wish. Just remember to let them know when they're older that it was their decision and their fault whatever happens! Good luck

[britespark1]

Congratulations! I have 3 DC, born Jan 11, Feb 12 and Feb 13 so understand your concerns. It was tricky at the time but looking back I'm actually sort of glad we got the 'baby' stage done quite quickly. I'd find it very hard now they are at school and nursery if I had to cope with a newborn now. I don't think the guilt ever goes away, I often feel like they are hard done to in some ways as they rarely exclusively have my time. BUT my husband and I do make an effort to spend one on one time with each of them when we can. They are great company for each other, if a little boisterous

[user1476170036]

Thanks, really appreciate all the messages. Although I am trying to focus on the positives, I still can't quite get my head around it all and the fact that my baby won't be the baby any more when the new baby comes. It's not helping that I'm feeling exhausted but hopefully that will pass in a couple of weeks if it's anything like my last pregnancy. I just can't believe I'm putting myself through all this again so soon!!

[BikeRunSki]

Congratulations! You'll have the same gap as MIL did. She said that the first 12 months was hard, but after that the close age meant that DH and BiL did pretty much the same thing at the same time. They were largely in the same school, swimming lessons, Cubs etc together and DH was too young when BiL came along to remember life without him; there is no sibling rivalry really (they are not super close either, but that is personality rather than age difference).

[SixFeetUnder]

I have been in almost exactly you situation and felt exactly the same way you did.
There are fifteen months between my two boys and although everyone said it would be hard with two babies I never found that at all. I did find when they were both toddlers more difficult but I think it would have been harder anyway, it was just multiplied by two.
Mine are now 10 and 9 next month and although we didn't plan it this way, I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out. I got all the nappy stage and toddler tantrums out of the way at the same time. My boys are very close and get on very well most of the time like most siblings. They are interested in the same things, play together well and are generally best friends. They want to do the same things at the weekend so days out aren't a battle of wills over what's going to suit a broad range of ages like younger and older.

Try to focus on the positives and feel free to PM me if you have any questions or I can help with anything, I remember the way you're feeling so very well.

[Bluebell101]

Snap! In exactly the same position as you, I have a 5 month old as just found out we're expecting number 2 in Nov. The financial bit is definitely a worry but I think (hope!) there is some benefit in getting all the baby exhaustion part done at once. I have friends with bigger age gaps (3-5years) who said it was really hard to get used to having normality/routine then back to the shock of a newborn. I think any way you do it'd be hard juggling 2. I did start worrying about having to get a double pram today though!

[user1476170036]

Ha ha well we did actually buy a pram which we're currently using as a single but which converts to a double because we knew this was a possibility!! Just wasn't quite prepared for it to become a reality so soon. One of the first things my husband said when I told him the news was that at least we'd get to use our double pram!!

I think you're right that any age gap is going to have it's challenges. One thing I'm really glad of now that I'm feeling the first trimester exhaustion is that I don't have to get up and out of the house to go to work and get a child up and ready too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy too!!

[2020lockdownmum]

@user1490104413 so I now find myself in exactly the same position you were in when you started this chat. So how was it...??!

I’m in shock and starting to freak out for all the same reasons you were 😱

[Yorkiee]

Reading all this gave me a panic attack :) i can just about cope of one! :)))

[Yorkiee]

*with one!