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Perimenopause and “ Sex Surge”

(99 Posts)
SpiritedLondon Wed 03-Jan-18 17:54:16

Ok so I’m not sure if I shouldn’t have name changed for this. I have been married to my DH for 12 years but we have been sexless for about 6 of those years. I would say that we have moved into the “ friends zone “ but I have generally had a low libido over that time so have felt untroubled by this. During the last couple of months I have experienced some changes in my period ( closer together and shorter) and have had low moods and irritability which I guess indicate a move towards menopause. Another pretty terrifying symptom is the massive increase in my libido - almost uncontrollable. I’ve looked online and discovered a website which refers to this as a midlife sex surge. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and come through the other side? It sounds like a good problem to have ( in comparison to no libido) but I have nowhere to put these feelings and feel to desperate and scared that I’m going to do something life destroying. Any help would be appreciated.

ohfortuna Fri 05-Jan-18 20:11:00

Yes that happened to me, I was rampant for about 7 years and then after menopause my sex drive just dropped off a cliff
I have no advice sorry 🤤

goodbeans Fri 05-Jan-18 21:44:44

Yes, this is definitely “a thing“! You say that you have nowhere to put these feelings, but what was it that rendered your marriage sexless: could it be reversed?

Zuma76 Tue 27-Feb-18 21:35:15

I know I am joining this chat late but I am experiencing the exact same thing with the same problems. I cannot stop fantasising about sex and it’s not with my husband. Argh.

Fanjoferrets Tue 13-Mar-18 11:00:02

I am 41 and am in a similar situation. The surge hit a few days ago and i feel like a conplete horny letch. 'Relations' have resumed with a tired and now sore DH and a 20 yr old vibrator. As soon as we are finished i am ready to go again...and again...and again.... best i have managed is approx an hour of relative calm before i become a massive nerve ending again.
I am currently waiting at home for a rampant rabbit and feeling annoyed that i don't now when it is coming because i also want to nip out for lube, a bumper pack of condoms and a durex 'bullet'.
I was a horny teen but right now is insane! I am torn between wanting a bit of calm or worrying that this will pass soon and i will never want sex ever again 😨

Fanjoferrets Tue 13-Mar-18 11:00:41

Urg, know not now... can't even think straight!

Pulipatchouli Sat 17-Mar-18 18:56:31

I am experiencing this and feel awful about it. I just feel filthy.
All my research on perimenopause says lack of libido. Well I've never felt so horny.
I just don't know myself and wish it would end. I'm 47, and have been like it for a year.

Mammysin Sat 17-Mar-18 19:05:17

I'm early 40s and have this incredible sex drive despite my depression. It was incredibly exhausting, particularly at the start, and I really felt at the mercy of my hormones.

1966gettingold Sun 18-Mar-18 07:06:12

mimibunz Sun 18-Mar-18 07:13:41

Ugh, I had this at 48. Fortunately I didn’t do anything to ruin my marriage or life but it was scary and confusing. I do tend to think that things that are intense burn out faster, at least mine did. Maybe take up running? Or horseback riding? grin Sorry, I’ll show myself out.

BGD2012 Sun 25-Mar-18 17:05:36

Going through this too at 45. I can't get enough, luckily my husband is receptive but still want more! I seem to suddenly like men who ooze testosterone muscly, tall and bearded. (Not my type normally).

Josiejo1127 Mon 26-Mar-18 17:26:56

I feel exactly the same. I am 47 and peri-menopausal. Been with my husband for 32 years and apart from when we were a lot younger I have had a very low libido. These last few weeks I've felt so horny it's untrue... hubby definitely not complaining. We've gone from DTD once in a blue moon to at least 5 times a week! It's all I can think about! Just hope it lasts a while 😂 It's just frustrating that we have adult children still living at home so have to be quiet. Have booked us a cheeky night away in a hotel!

Tuesdaynightname Mon 26-Mar-18 17:32:47

Going through this too. Also in an almost sexless marriage, although DH is good to talk to, and has made an effort.

In the meantime, I'm in the middle of a filthy crush on a good friend, which nearly got out of hand but thankfully didn't. Completely out of character for me, but I have honestly never physically wanted someone so much. Madness.

BGD2012 Tue 27-Mar-18 17:55:19

Its crazy isn't it? I've gone from not really being bothered to being obsessed.

annandale Tue 27-Mar-18 17:58:36

It's awful tbh. I'm scared of getting into a relationship with someone based on this only to disappoint them massively when it all goes dead at menopause.

SpiritedLondon Thu 29-Mar-18 08:48:19

Omg ladies where did you all come from? . ( I’m the OP). I’m sat on the train nearly crying because I was feeling really alone with this and no one had really answered initially ( I haven’t checked this thread for ages) My god it’s all good and bad at the same time. I can’t really post too much since I didn’t sodding name change initially but I can tell you that I’m a regular at Love Honey grin Thank you all for posting I’m so grateful. Ps I’ve signed up to that website re Sex surge and get weekly emails which are interesting but I’m still uncertain of what the future holds for me re sexless marriage.

SpiritedLondon Thu 29-Mar-18 08:52:10

I’ve also had a massive crush on my friend / colleague/ boss blush who is aware and is stoically continuing to be my friend despite my sometimes inappropriate suggestions. God help me if the roles were reversed I would probably have a decent sexual harassment case!

Tuesdaynightname Thu 29-Mar-18 15:27:50

My friend (ie crush) started a bit of fairly innocent, but naughty, flirting with me a few months ago. I don't think he expected the reaction he got. I certainly didn't. blush

Got it back under control on the surface, but in my head...another matter. And I think he knows it. blushblush

Just thank goodness no one else has a clue, and I'm such a sensible person, they would never guess.

BGD2012 Thu 29-Mar-18 16:38:55

I've just had a look at Love Honey. Some interesting equipment on there!

Tuesdaynightname Thu 29-Mar-18 19:10:48

I have also frequented Love Honey and now have a secret stash of bit and pieces. It's scratching an itch, but it's still not what I really want...

SpiritedLondon Fri 30-Mar-18 02:22:14

My surge started in December and although it’s still very much alive and kicking it’s not as strong as it was in the first early weeks. At one point I could barely stand to be close to a handsome colleague who was a bit flirtatious with me. If you could die of lust I would be a corpse on the floor - it was so excruciatingly. In the end I ended up in a “ sexting” situation with the guy which turns out does little to quell the flames. grin

Josiejo1127 Tue 03-Apr-18 01:08:05

Well my surge seems to have gone again 😢. Hubby and I have both been ill this week so not sure if it's that. Hope it will return again... gutted if it doesn't 😂

Ofthread Tue 03-Apr-18 01:16:13

Do not sext, take up wholesome activities, get some cassocks clothes from Toast and some cornish pastie shoes. This is Mumsnet fgs!

SpiritedLondon Wed 04-Apr-18 07:00:24

Thanks ofthread so you don’t think the crotchless knickers will help no? grin

SparklingPeri Wed 25-Apr-18 19:26:00

Thank goodness I've found this; I thought it was just me as everything I've read about the perimenopause talks about low libido. Mine has gone through the roof lately and I think I'm starting to scare DH. Mid cycle is the worst time as I can think of nothing else but DTD for a few days. Cornish pastie shoes may be the answer! Any other suggestions?

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