Perimenopause and “ Sex Surge”

[SpiritedLondon]

Ok so I’m not sure if I shouldn’t have name changed for this. I have been married to my DH for 12 years but we have been sexless for about 6 of those years. I would say that we have moved into the “ friends zone “ but I have generally had a low libido over that time so have felt untroubled by this. During the last couple of months I have experienced some changes in my period ( closer together and shorter) and have had low moods and irritability which I guess indicate a move towards menopause. Another pretty terrifying symptom is the massive increase in my libido - almost uncontrollable. I’ve looked online and discovered a website which refers to this as a midlife sex surge. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and come through the other side? It sounds like a good problem to have ( in comparison to no libido) but I have nowhere to put these feelings and feel to desperate and scared that I’m going to do something life destroying. Any help would be appreciated.

A while since I posted so thought I'd post an update. It's settled down a bit but I still get reckless surges.
The upshot for me as that I separated from my partner of 23 years earlier this year, he bought me out and I'm in the process of buying a flat.
I think it would have happened anyway but peri and menopause really brought into sharp focus what I wanted in life and how unhappy I was.
It's all amicable and although I will miss him, I'm excited for the new chapter in my life.
Definitely not short on male attention but I don't want anything too heavy and just want to have fun whilst I discover who I am and what I want.
Would never live with anyone else again and am looking forward to doing my own thing. Funnily enough my best friend is now going through a similar surge and is obsessed with a work colleague!

I have just read this entire thread. What an absolute and total relief to have found this. THANK YOU everyone of you - my God I hear you! Boy do I ever. I'm 47 and am four months into my HRT and I've turned into a sex-mad machine. I literally went from zero libido to gazillion, overnight. When I told my DH of 21 years, he said it was literally the best day of his life! 😂Needless to say he's been very supportive. I've been streaming sex scenes from shows I watch (not quite ready to hit the 'porn' button), looking up vibrator websites - something I've never done (my DH is encouraging to 'go for it' and buy one!). I'm fantasising having sex constantly, weirdly obsessing over an ex, who also happens to be in town 🤔Will try my best not to go there but seriously, it's like I've become an animal. I can't think or function day to day. I'm not getting my work done as I'm so preoccupied (I work from home - thank God). I've a big contract starting in December - have no idea how I'm going to cope. 😳

BUT it's so good to know I'm not alone and this is all, errr 'normal', so to speak.
Just need to learn some self restraint, somehow, whilst also making the most of it, if you know what I mean?

I'm not sure how long it is since my post on this thread, perhaps 2.5 years but what I will say is how differently I feel. The surge felt fantastic, enlightening, empowering, life changing but ultimately it was dangerous to my marriage and to my overall well-being. I am lucky - so far - to remain married with a high sex drive but I have a friend who went through a similar process and now lives in a camper van , estranged from her husband and children. It is no different from the male mid-life crisis that we females love to mock but the end result will often be the same, a somewhat sad middle aged person pretending to be in the first flush of youth trying to recapture the past, who ultimately ends up alone.
Be cautious lovely ladies with this "gift" of a raging sex life given to you because it may end up as your downfall. As a Christian woman I will say it is the devil at work but whatever forces are at play be careful not to lose all of yourself in the throws of this new found surge. Much love to all.

Oh my god.. hahahahaha.. I know this post is VERY old but my god, it made me laugh.. for the first time in a long time. Like full on belly laugh - still laughing now 👏

I know right! I have the same surge. And it always happens when there's nothing i can do about it! I mean wtf is going on here?!!

I had this, left my unsatisfactory husband and am now the happiest I have ever been.

So it's not all doom and gloom.

Would love to hear from people whose marriages stayed in tact. Any positive stories would be very helpful rn. I am happily married for 20 years (I’m 47) with decent sex life but this hit me like a train. I feel turned on all of the time. I can’t stop thinking about it but DH isn’t in the fantasies. Despite me thinking I’m straight, my fantasies are bi and I have crushes and fantasies of people from work. I want to explore more and dream of outside our relationship but also want to stay married. I know I can’t have it all. When situations have presented themselves. I’ve backed out at the last minute. The tension is hard.

My marriage stayed intact and thankfully the surge has passed without triggering any disasters. Get a good vibrator is my advice!

I'm lucky that my life is boring with little in the way of temptation. If I needed any reining in, I just thought of messing up my children's lives. Which was enough to sober me up a bit. I also told myself none of it is real, it's just your hormones. What is real, is your marriage.

I'm very, very glad nothing happened as a result of my surge as I had no way of knowing what horrible events were round the corner in my life and I really needed my DH.