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Almost 37, too fat for fertility treatment desperate and running out of time.

(89 Posts)
Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 09:51:37

Things are particularly hard today.
I’ve locked myself in the bathroom to silently fall apart, I don’t know why it’s all so painful today.

Sometimes I feel I don’t want to go on and can’t imagine life without a child.

I’ve left it all too late.
I’ve come down in weight from 20st 4 in January to 16 st 4 now.

I need a BMI of 35 max as in my area women over 37 years old can be accepted for fertility treatment at higher bmi.

I sort of know it won’t work for me though.
Been trying to conceive naturally for 5 years.

I’m s fat failure. Everyone asking me what’s going on, I’m too ashamed to spell it out to them and even my partner that my weight has huge amount to do with my failure.

I think only one cycle of ivf will be offered if I ever meet criteria. My body has failed me and I’ve failed my body, ivf would probably not work, also given I’m nearly 37yrs old means my best window has been missed.
I feel my only option won’t work.
Is there any options after this.
I try to read the threads but don’t understand the accromins.
I’m rambling and feel sick for the future, I just want a baby . I don’t even know what I’m asking.
Gp tests were fine for both me and partner.
My mum had early menopause at 36 but don’t know if it was brought on premature by some gyne surgery.

juneau Sun 08-Jul-18 09:55:35

You've done really well to lose 4 stone in the past 6 months and beating yourself up is not going to help. Keep going with the weight loss, because your chances of conceiving and holding onto the pregnancy will increase the closer you get to your healthy weight. Don't give up! Once you're at a healthy weight you may be able to conceive naturally, if you don't have any specific infertility issues that will prevent it. High BMI is a major cause of fertility issues, so just keep plugging away with the weight loss. You're doing so well!

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 09:57:47

Had a miscarriage when 29.
Lots of blood clots in the last 2 years.
Went to see one of the best nhs gynaecologist in uk (who also deals in fertility) he said all my problems with periods and fertility would I’m improve with weight loss and that I have no particular problem.
If anything things have been worse in the last month and bleeding 3 weeks out of 4.
No signs I’m ovulating, I do all the tests and know the signs.
Going to see gyne again in a few weeks where I will no doubt get brush off again within so much as an examination

mouse1234567 Sun 08-Jul-18 09:59:55

Well done for losing so much weight-remember it’s a journey and it’s going to take time. Have you looked into the keto diet? Take a look online-I have a few friends that have shifted a lot of weight with it.

Ginorchoc Sun 08-Jul-18 10:00:03

Bloody hell thats amazing weight loss!! Have a cry and crack on you’re doing great!!

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:00:46

Thanks for that June.
But my age, there’s nothing I can do about that.
I’m hate myself and have left it too late to sort my life out. I’ve fucked up.
I’m 5’8 so think bmi is 35.
Birth is August.
Does even know if it’s worth me going to gp for referral to fertility clinic then. Seems pointless

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:03:13

Yes I did weight loss with Keri.

A pathetic question but given the scant info I have paoted is there any hope for me.
I’m desperate and never made myself this vulnerable. This is all just spilling out.
My partner is wonderful man and partner. I see the sadness in his eyes about lack of children when we are out and about with family friends.

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:03:47

Weight loss with keto I mean

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:05:07

Sorry, all over place miscarriage when 19 yrs old not 29

Bellabutterfly2016 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:07:16

@Theconifers25

That's an amazing weight loss you need to be very proud of your achievement.

Don't give up, I know it sounds impossible but it's do-able.

If you joined weight watchers or slimming world (SW is my preference) you could easily shed some more. My group is ultra supportive and lots of ladies join for that very same reason.

Book a GP appointment and go and see them, once you have a clear idea of what's required it'll focus you and you can give yourself some achievable mini targets.

Stay positive and remember you've done so well already! 💐😊

Singlenotsingle Sun 08-Jul-18 10:09:11

37 isn't the end of the world. Women go on having babies into their 40s. Keep on losing the weight and you could well find that this time next year you could be pregnant.

Bezm Sun 08-Jul-18 10:10:24

You may need to thinks about alternatives to giving birth if you want a child. Keep up with the amazing weight loss, write down all your options, good and bad, discuss it with your partner.
You may benefit from some counselling to hell you come to terms with your grief. Throw yourself into the life you have, to the life you long for. Good luck x

mooncuplanding Sun 08-Jul-18 10:10:54

Keep calm and keto on

How long have you been on keto? It can take 6 months plus to get some of the fertility benefits

Emma198 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:11:15

carry on losing weight and trying - at the very very least losing weight is good for your health. up to around 12 stone is healthy for you. don't lose hope.

TheABC Sun 08-Jul-18 10:13:17

You have not fucked up. Fucking up is when you refuse to do anything about your situation. You have lost an amazing amount of weight (can I have tips?) and you have already done some of the fertility groundwork with GP examinations etc. Imagine if you woke up next year and started from scratch? You are already further down your path than you think you are. Keep going. And replace those negative thoughts with reality. You are getting heathier, fitter and stronger.

ShovingLeopard Sun 08-Jul-18 10:13:25

You sound very down about things, understandably. Your weight loss is great, though, and it would definitely be a good idea to carry on with that. What is making you think you won't be able to carry on losing weight so you can meet the criteria for IVF?

Also, have you thought about seeing a hypnotherapist for fertility? It can be very helpful if you see a good, well-qualified person. Look for somebody who has undergone specific training for fertility. They will be able to support you through the rolliercoaster ride that is fertility issues, help you lose the weight faster and easier (though in fairness it sounds like you've got that one already). It can also raise the success of both trying naturall, and via IVF. Some studies have shown a doubling of success rates for IVF with hypnotherapy, and natural conceptions increase too. Fertility issues are so so stressful, and hypnotherapy can really help with that.

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:14:38

I know how I sound, a right potty party but it’s almost a realisation to me I will never give birth.
What are my options outside of adoption.

I’m been doing keto since January.

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:20:12

Being in keto is has really helped my mood in these last months but over last 48hrs I’ve become very down, very realistic and negative.
I don’t doubt my ongoing weight losing ability though to ketosis but to what end?
Here I am 37 with a chance I may go through early menopause.
I feel hopeless.

Have been researching fertility at age 37 this weekend and to be honest I wish I hadn’t though clearly need to be aware of facts.

Thank you for the info on the hypno therapy, I will research today.

Thanks you all ladies, I needed to vent and the responses are helpful

MrsBartlettforthewin Sun 08-Jul-18 10:21:22

Op you are doing so well keep going. In my area with a doctor referral you can get cheap gym/ swimming membership at the local leisure centre would starting to do some gentle exercise on top of the diet help you loss more weight?

You are doing so so well but I totally understand the feeling like it won't ever happen. That was me 10 years ago now DD has just turned 9. I lost weight, started exercising and just before I was meant to start treatment found I was pregnant naturally. It can happen.

Have you and DH talked about your other options? Would you consider adoption?

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:22:47

I had tests 6 months ago and not showing signs of being peri menopause.
We can’t be sure if gyne surgery was the reason for her early menopause. Her mum, my grandma is not around for me to ask what age she went through it.

muffinthepuffin Sun 08-Jul-18 10:24:38

Hi OP
My mum and her Mum both went through early menopause but looks like I'm taking after my dad's side (I'm 39) so it's not a guarantee that you'll take after the maternal side. Well done on your weight loss so far!

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:25:56

I do 10000 steps a day which is a world away from my no excercise in 2017.
I don’t think I would be accepted for adoption as I’m introverted and wouldn’t have any friends to give me a reference. My partner is great though and has many friends.
I have aquaintances though and am happy with that generally

NicolaMarlowsMerlin Sun 08-Jul-18 10:27:21

You know your BMI is now under 35, right? You would be better off to keep going as the closer you get to a ‘normal’ BMI the lower the risk of issues getting and staying pregnant, but you should be able to be referred for treatment now if your understanding of your local rules is correct.

I know how debilitating infertility can be, so it is very easy to lose hope. If you possibly can, try to turn that despair into positive action - keep on going with the weight loss, go back to your GP for a referral, ask for very specific reasons why not if they won’t do it, etc.

A very wise friend, one of my extended infertility community on the internet, once said - you’ll know it’s time to stop when the pain of going on is worse than the pain of giving up. Where are you at on that spectrum right now?

It sounds like you may have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) - is that right? If so the weight loss is very important and you should also be tested for pre-diabetic symptoms, have you been? The Keto diet or any diet that helps with insulin regulation will help you, but you would not want a keto diet during pregnancy so keep an eye on that. (And talk to your gp about it so they have the full picture).

Hang in there. Do try the infertility boards as there will be endless people there with similar challenges, it can be very helpful. You’ll get used to the acronyms, but here are a few:
AF - Aunt Flo - period
DPO - days past ovulation
POAS - pee on a stick
LMP - last menstrual period
HCG - human chorionic gonadotropin. This is the hormone that should rise when you are pregnant and is measured in various pregnancy tests
2ww - two week wait (post transfer to find out if you are pregnant)
IVF/ICSI/AH/IUI - all different procedures as part of treatment.

There is a good list here

resolve.org/infertility-101/infertility-faq/infertility-acronyms/

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:32:05

Nicola that is so helpful thank you.

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed wit pcos.
Then during a consultation last year with leading gyne he told me I didn’t have pcos!
Strangely that was a bit of a blow because at least when I believed I had pcos I had a diagnosis and a path to follow. Now I’m lost.

I turn 37 in a month so will go to go then. Probably won’t meet referral criteria if I go a month early

Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 10:33:50

I don’t feel of sound mind this morning so don’t really know where I’m on the spectrum now Nicola

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