Almost 37, too fat for fertility treatment desperate and running out of time.

[Theconifers25]

Things are particularly hard today.
I’ve locked myself in the bathroom to silently fall apart, I don’t know why it’s all so painful today.

Sometimes I feel I don’t want to go on and can’t imagine life without a child.

I’ve left it all too late.
I’ve come down in weight from 20st 4 in January to 16 st 4 now.

I need a BMI of 35 max as in my area women over 37 years old can be accepted for fertility treatment at higher bmi.

I sort of know it won’t work for me though.
Been trying to conceive naturally for 5 years.

I’m s fat failure. Everyone asking me what’s going on, I’m too ashamed to spell it out to them and even my partner that my weight has huge amount to do with my failure.

I think only one cycle of ivf will be offered if I ever meet criteria. My body has failed me and I’ve failed my body, ivf would probably not work, also given I’m nearly 37yrs old means my best window has been missed.
I feel my only option won’t work.
Is there any options after this.
I try to read the threads but don’t understand the accromins.
I’m rambling and feel sick for the future, I just want a baby . I don’t even know what I’m asking.
Gp tests were fine for both me and partner.
My mum had early menopause at 36 but don’t know if it was brought on premature by some gyne surgery.

[Theconifers25]

Purple, I was desperate for a check on my ovarian reserves but was refused even that due to my weight.
I think it would give me some perspective if I could.
Is it a stand alone test I could pay for privately do you think?
When I was having a transvaginal ultrasound for blood clots and pain the technician said she could see some eggs and follicles but wasn’t her job to comment on the quantity .

[PurpleMac]

I've not got any experience personally but I would guess that you could almost definitely get the test done privately - it's an industry and you're paying them money, can't see them turning it down!

[PurpleMac]

Not sure where you are but I've just had a quick look and the London Women's Clinic offer a fertility MOT which includes ovarian reserve. I'm sure other clinics would offer the same, either as part of a package or perhaps a stand alone test but I'm sure others on here are better able to advise than I am

[Theconifers25]

Yes I was just checking it aswell. I realise how dumb it sounds but I thought as I couldn’t even have nhs tests that meant I couldn’t have them full stop.
Of course if I’m paying they won’t turn me down. And I don’t know much but I’m quite sure excess weight will have no bearing on eggs / follicles.
I’m going to call the clinic.
Thank you so much everyone, this thread has given me some structure. I was so down and disheartened and on the dark after being refused even investigations I didn’t even know wjere to start asking what was wrong

[bionicnemonic]

If you go private ask them if there is anything to be gained from having a keyhole investigation (however this could be expensive) sometimes the tubes can get a little ‘clogged’ with mucus and they can ‘blow it through’ in some way.
Very best of luck!!

[faeriequeen]

I had to get my bmi down to below 30 for treatment in my area. It worked first time and i was 37 when I had my daughter through ivf. Now trying for a sibling naturally, aged 39.

[NotLateInTheMorning]

Theconifers25 - just wanted to add a note to say you have done tremendously well with weight loss. yes, this can be a totally shitty ride - but you've clearly shown how much you can achieve. We can only control a certain amount when it comes to TTC - so much of it is chance. You seems to be taking charge of the elements which you can control. And you can't fail at the bits you can't ultimately control. Sending hugs your way xox

[Theconifers25]

Thank you Not. I’d like to say even if I don’t ever get pregnant at least I will be slimmer but it seems like a poor consolation.
Anyway feeling better than yesterday.
One foot in front of the other

[Meredith501]

OP you are doing brilliantly!

While you should be healthy I wouldn't worry too much about hitting an exact number on the scales.
I was like you, had very long heavy periods with clots the size of my palm, we ttc for 6 years before we had ivf. I had a bmi of 33 when I had it and was terrified my weight would be an issue. First cycle was cancelled due to poor response so I blamed my weight. We went straight into another cycle but the clinic changed my stims from luveris to menopur. Bingo - got 15 eggs so nothing to do with weight, just the way I responded to one drug over another. However, only 1 egg fertilised normally. All the others allowed polyspermic fertilisation - where the egg allows more than 1 sperm to fertilise it. We did a 3 day transfer with our only embryo and now have a 15 month old who is perfect.
What I'm trying to say is that my weight didn't cause the abnormal fertilisation. Even if I had a bmi of 22, it would still have happened. My abnormal periods didn't affect my ivf, my clinic didn't even care about them, they just stimmed me. You don't have to be perfect to have ivf, you don't need to get to the route of your abnormal bleeding, you don't need to be ovulating normally; the brilliant thing about ivf is that it ignores all that, it doesn't need to wait for that stuff to be fixed, it just sets out to make you pregnant.

Before ivf I truly believed that my body was useless, that I would never get pregnant and that my husband should leave me to find a young fertile woman to have babies with. After ivf I realised that I had a medical condition which had prevented me from getting pregnant. I had treatment and I got pregnant. I credit my clinic for that, they weren't tied up in the emotion of it like I was, they just treated my medical condition, they didn't blame me for my infertility like I did myself.

Best of luck - I wouldn't be listening to any doctor that just tells you to go away and lose weight. There can be a million reasons for infertility, they should definitely be doing tests/investigations before they just blame your weight.

[AniSL]

@TheConifers25 you have done so well, please don't be disheartened. Stick with it and you will get there. My mother was always obese, she had 4 of us. I started my journey with a BMI of 33.1 when I first started all the tests, I am now 29.7 bmi, I am also 37. Losing the weight did not have any effect on my hormones or my ovaries, our first round my follies didn't respond so well, we are going for another in September. My clinic was happy to treat with my bmi, my weightloss reason was that I know type 2 diabetes and pregnancy aren't a great couple.

[Theconifers25]

Meredith501
Your post is amazingly helpful.
I feel positive from it, I think I’m so caught up in my gyne problems and not being an ideal candidate I hadn’t really thought about the fact that ivf will ignore all of that.
Truly thankful , I needed some objective clarity.

[greendale17]

Everyone asking me what’s going on, I’m too ashamed to spell it out to them and even my partner that my weight has huge amount to do with my failure.

You really need to be honest with your partner. This is unfair on him.

[Theconifers25]

Greendale17 well he knows I couldn’t have fertility investigations due to my bmi so he knows.
What nobody can be sure of is my actual reason for infertility, my gut feeling is weight but as Meredith pointed out that’s not a given.
Only in my darkest hours do I feel it’s definitely my weight causing the problem, but as I have not been able to access fertility tests I’ve no way of knowing

[HappyHedgehog247]

Hi

I haven’t read the whole thread but:

• yes you can go and get two things tested privately FSH and AMH that help identify your ovarian reserve. I managed to get both these on NHS so may be worth trying a different GP
  
• I had my first baby aged 37 so until you know more you don’t know if you are too old or not
  
• you could keep going with the weight loss for another 6 months but use that time to get tested, research ivf etc and get a plan together
  

It’s too soon to give up. Xx

[Theconifers25]

What is FSH and AHM please .

[Yumyumpigs]

Follicle stimulating hormone and AMH is gives you an idea as to your egg reserves. Fsh if low could show why you aren't ovulating properly and declines towards menopause

[Theconifers25]

Anyway I’m booking go appointment tomorrow, my doctors has one of this systems we’re they release appointments 3 days in advance and my doctor has been on leave.
I think I have a calculated correct and my bmi is just on 35, and as mentioned up thread am in area where at age 37 you can be referred with bmi is 37 or over.
Will see what go says. I’m a few weeks shy of 37 but hoping she will refer me already with waiting lists in mind.
I will update

[summertimehere]

There is still hope don’t give up.

Your weight loss has been amazing in such a short time, you can do this I have faith in you.

Pick yourself up tomorrow girl and get going again, you can do this.

There is still hope for a baby, you’re not beat yet, keep going.

I feel your pain, I know it feels impossible but it’s not over yet.

My friend did keto lost 3 stone and got pregnant after 11 years of trying.

Also give reflexology a go it will calm you and if you get a good one might be helpful regarding fertility.

You can do this

[frasier]

Not a weight story but an age one. I met someone who had her baby ten years older than you. (Her eggs were younger!)

Keep on keeping on. Well done on the weight loss.

[Jenijena]

Just another one chiming in at the congratulations at the weight loss. You’re doing amazingly. Talk things through with your doctor. My BMI has hovered in the 30-36 range; conception has definitely improved at the lower range. Thinking of you... 37 is not too old.

[Theconifers25]

Thanks summertime.
I’m quite a chill person with what I would say is a healthy level of anxiety.
My original post was a desperate outburst, a verbal panic attack in a way. I feel more optimistic now.
Am defo carrying on with weightloss and I’m 2 pounds lighter than my op on Sunday.
If I hadn’t been in such a bad desperate place I wouldn’t have posted but whilst a bit embarrassed I’m glad I did as have received some wonderful advice

[Theconifers25]

Thanks both

[summertimehere]

Don’t be embarrassed we all have those days and sure fek it it’s anonymous anyways 😂😂

[Patienceisvirtuous]

I lost over 2 stones and got pregnant naturally at 38 OP after 3 miscarriages since I was 36. Had my DS at 39. We’re hoping to have another child - I am 40 now.

Keep on with your weight loss. There’s still time for you to conceive.

Alternative options would be ivf with a donor egg/adoption and fostering/surrogacy...

[Theconifers25]

UPDATE 1 YEAR TO THE DAY OF MY LAST POST

Thought I would come back to update to say exactly a year on from my desperate, miserable post that I now have a beautiful healthy newborn baby sleeping on my lap,
1 week old today.

As you could gather from my original post I could not have conceived (no pun intended ) of being in this position a year ago.
I thought there was no hope and as bad as this sounds whilst I wouldn’t have had the courage to kill my self I just simply did not want to be here anymore, I felt desperate and empty.

But our beautiful baby is now here, pregnancy was difficult as I couldn’t accept I was pregnant and couldn’t really be happy until he arrived.

I guess I’m posting to say sometimes there is hope and hope delivers?
I hope it’s ok posting this in this thread. I think it would have been helpful to me last year to have read this.
Though I can request the post is deleted if needs be.

For info the things that coincided with the time I got a BFP were:
about to start fertility treatment so maybe less stressed, though hadn’t started the drugs yet
Had some investigative gyne surgery, nothing significant found but my tubes were flushed during the procedure
Keto diet with loads of very high quality fats and lots of walking.