Shit. My mum is losing the plot.

[charliecat]

This has been going on for the past year or so, she has a neighbour who when he first moved in, was noisy, keeping her up at night etc and driving her up the wall.
Nwow he is quiet, but she has came COMPLETELY obsessed with him.
Her whole life is about him.
The most extreme example I can give you is one day in her garden , she was pottering, and the neighbour shut his window and left his flat, and in her head he had been watching her, was irritated her so she followed him in her car with intention of running him over.
Now all he had ACTUALLY done was shut his window and left his flat, the rest was imaginary, in her head.
She has just popped by my house, she couldnt ring me because he would hear...shes been racking in his bins.
Ive just rang her best mate, and I said asd long as she doesnt run his over or go to his door and its all in her head its ok.
She said its too late, she went up to his door and tryed to kick it in.
My brother has paranoid schizophrenia. Even when hes ranting saying hes going to kill people they dont section him.
How can I make mum see the irrationalness of all of this?
Hes quiet....because hes listening to her. ARGH
Its not him, its her.

[Dragonbutter]

Have you told her she's being paranoid?
What was her reaction?

[laidbackinengland]

Can you speak with her GP? . It sounds like she is expereincing some paranoid delusions ( and as such will not be able to respond to your objective challenges) . What age is she ?

[wingandprayer]

God, poor her and poor you.Does she in anyway recognise her fears are irrational? This obsession, apart from upsetting for her and those around her, obviously has the potential to get very serious. Can you go and see her GP, on your own or with her? Can she stay with you or relative for a bit to get her out of the situation and hopefully give her space to realise how out of hand it's got?

[charliecat]

Months ago, I was worried she was going to go to a meeting with housing assocation workers to complain about him and make a fool of herself..so i said, right you re going to go to this meeting and they are going to ask you HOW he knows you are going to the bathroom, How he knows you are going to bed(because she says he follows her round her flat, hes above shes below) I said You can hear him, because his foot steps are above, but he DOES NOT know you are moving.
Yes he fucking does she said I said Tell me how...I stood up, visualising the silent standing up so she would maybe SEE where my logic was coming from...so she stopped ranting on about him to me.
Pretended, to me it was all ok.
Meanwhile her best mate and her sister get it all.

[charliecat]

She doesnt recogise she being irrational and got really sannoyed with me for challenging her last time.
Everything she does, turning the newspaper page, hes listening. Doing the gardening, he watching. Its a fucking nightmare
If you ring her the call is scattered with Shhhhhh and hes right above me, and then she switches her telly up so you cant hear her, but shes not listening anyway.

[charliecat]

Oh shes 59

[EffiePerine]

she needs to get some help. Can you talk with her GP? Could you persuade her best friend to take her along (she may not listen to her children on this one).

Sympathies: have been there with a parent and it's scary and hard

[EffiePerine]

if she's delusional she won't recognise that she is (all part of the problem) so you're going to need some external help here.

[charliecat]

The thing is, she doesnt think there is anything wrong.
Its all him, not her.
In reality its her, NOTHING to do with him at all.
I did ring the gp and missed him ringing back once.
Talking about it makes me sound as nuts as her.
Unless she approaches him, and she wont with me or her best mate, what can they do?

[charliecat]

ringing doc now actually. gotta do something.

[EffiePerine]

she needs to get some professional help - it isn;t about her going round and kicking his door in, it's about her being delusional. Do you have a local mental health team? Or a social worker?

it is obv affecting her quality of life, which is at least as important as inconveniencing her neighbour

[laidbackinengland]

I would

1. Speak to GP
2. Ask him/her to see your mum and request assessment with the local Community mental health team.

She is unlikely to change her views on what's happening - as to her it appears very real.

In some areas, 'Mind' and other mental health organisations have housing support workers who can support people with these sorts of issues maintain their tenancies. Might be worth checking out too.

[EffiePerine]

Good luck - it is a shitty situation to be in

[charliecat]

hes ringing back at 5.45

[laidbackinengland]

Well done charlie.

[charliecat]

It is her life. Fuckety arse, I feel like my heads going to explode.
Huff Puff, BREATHE.
I think the doctor has gave her sleeping pills.
Not sure if she takes them.
Heavy shit.
Thanks for listening.

[EffiePerine]

if you want to get some more info before then, MIND helpline: 020 8519 2122

[EffiePerine]

SORRY infoline is 0845 766 0163

(the other number is for head office)

[zippitippitoes]

poor mum

the troubloe with living on your own is you get too much time to think

she is playing stuff out in her head

she needs to get things back in perspective with talking to someone

and she needs something else to stop her living in her thoughts all day

[charliecat]

thank you. We have been here before with my brother, he tends to be groups of men chasing him, dusting the whole house with talc so he can see finger prints of the people watching him etc...
This has became scary with a RL innocent person at the brunt of it, and because my brother is fixed on non existtn things its easy to seperate from reality. My mum completely wangles a bit of reality, the bloke runing at tap.....round an hour of delusions, I did this, so he did that bla bla...oh

[charliecat]

Yes I said she needs distracting. its gone way further than that though. Everything is, i went ot the co-op to get away from him, not...i went to the co-op to get milk IYKWIM

[zippitippitoes]

oh yes i can see she has lost touch with reality which is serious

i wasnt suggesting that doiung a crossword with her would sort it

problems with reality and what is inside yiur head are not easily addressed

[charliecat]

No they arent. Weep. A little touch on reality would be GREAT it this instance, we could build on it.

[bossybritches]

Charliecat be prepared for the GP taking the "I can't discuss a patient confidentiality etc " bollocks.

I had this with a dear friend of mine. We have a mutual Gp so I asked for a phone consultation. When she rang back I started by saying I knew she couldn't discuss the said friend Bc of the confidentiality thing but that I was worried & could I just share some concerns with her?

"Riiiiiight " she said cautiously.

I described my friends irrational behaviour (long story) & just said that a few of her mates were concerned & could I just leave the info with her. She thanked me & and said "actually that could be useful with other stuff that we know" and left it at that. She got help & is a much calmer person now

Good luck- awful situation to be in.

[charliecat]

Hmmm, now I said i would ring her best mate back when Id spoken to her.
I am thinking of not saying I have rung the doctor, not sure why? Because she is my mums mate and her loyalty is whith her and we will all feel guilty grassing her up, even though its for the best,so If its just me then....well i can take the guilt myself.
And then...well. Dunno. Argh, must go tidy house.