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Abortion, im so scared

(275 Posts)
wonderingwendy Fri 01-Nov-13 18:04:50

sad I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

purplewithred Fri 01-Nov-13 18:08:41

I can't help a lot but am bumping for you. The counsellor will have a lot of experience with your kind of situation and is there to do everything they can to help you make the right decisions for you and to support you through the process. Thinking of you.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Fri 01-Nov-13 18:31:34

You won't have to look at the scan. If you are under 9 weeks it's called a medical termination where you get one pill orally then 4 inserted vaginally in the clinic within a few days. That induces bleeding, quite heavy, to pass the pregnancy. You might be able to go home or given the chance to stay in for a few hours until it passes.

Over 9 weeks is a procedure under General anaesthetic.

You can talk through your decision, they won't try to change your mind

ILetHimKeep20Quid Fri 01-Nov-13 18:34:31

They will discuss long term contraception. Because it is likely that you won't get put under for the procedure you might have to arrange that for another time.

wonderingwendy Fri 01-Nov-13 18:34:44

I really can't do the pill option im terrified of the if im 7 weeks then does it mean I can wait until im past 9 weeks so I can have a general ?

ILetHimKeep20Quid Fri 01-Nov-13 19:17:46

You manage the pain, they will make sure you have ample pain killers. Your best bet is really go to your appointment and voice your fears with them. They will talk you through the options.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 01-Nov-13 19:24:41

Oh op. I really feel for you...

Go to the appointment on Thursday & tell then how scared you are. They deal with this every day. They will be able to put everything in context for you.

If you weren't worried it would be unusual. You've made your decision. Its the right decision for you. This is difficult but you will get through this horrible time.

Take care of yourself.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Fri 01-Nov-13 19:31:23

When I went through it recently my reasoning was I had already made the decision not to have a baby when I used contraception. That failed. This was just the next step in that process

wonderingwendy Fri 01-Nov-13 19:53:15

ilethimkeep20quid which option did you take if you dont mind my asking?

Strumpetron Fri 01-Nov-13 19:56:18

Didn't want to read and run, hope you get the help you need OP x

ILetHimKeep20Quid Sat 02-Nov-13 00:45:45

The pills. I tested on the Saturday went to the doctor on the Monday had my appointment with the clinic on the Wednesday where I was scanned and dated (7 weeks) and discussed the options. I took the tablet orally then went back on the Friday and had the 4 pills inserted vaginally. I choose to go home but could only do so as my husband was with me. They need to know you have support at home. They also gave me an antibiotic and some paracetamol before I left.

I went straight home. They also advised me to get in paracetamol and ibuprofen and supplied me with dihydrocodine with instructions to keep my painkillers topped up and to take the dhyhydrocodine if I felt any pain in between.

After an hour I started cramping. I just set up camp in bed and went to the loo every so often. I think I felt it pass quite quickly, maybe 45 minutes after the cramping. It was a strange feeling. I didn't check the toilet, you don't have to. You just kind of know. I was cramping for the rest of that day, from about 11am to 6pm and you do bleed heavily. I only had to take one dose of extra pain relief. It was like a heavy sore period. Not pleasant but manageable.

The next day I was up and about, taking paracetamol if needed but still taking it easy.

I'm a week after now. Still bleeding but it is trailing off. Not in pain.

TheWanderingUterus Sat 02-Nov-13 01:00:46

They don't show you the scan.

I went to the clinic when I was almost six weeks. I turned down the pill and went for the other option which is a small procedure where they (sorry) insert a little suction tube through your cervix. You can have it done under light sedation or without. I chose without. It lasted about a minute, was uncomfortable rather than painful. Bleeding started straight away. Had a big crash afterwards, lots of guilt and sadness but a lot of that is related to the hormones. It was two years ago and I regret being in that situation but I am not unhappy about the choice that I made. I couldn't cope with another child and had taken measures to avoid having one, which had failed.

I'm sorry you are in that situation too, OP, I hope you have some support through this. X

wonderingwendy Sat 02-Nov-13 15:18:51

thankyou for your help and advice. I feel a bit more positive now.
Would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't having morning sickness and sore boobssad
makes it so real

ILetHimKeep20Quid Sat 02-Nov-13 17:00:57

It really is a shitty situation by but you will come through the other side. X

wonderingwendy Mon 04-Nov-13 15:37:58

feel so nauseous today and my boobs are so soresad
told my older sister today and she asked me to take my time to decide but I told her there is no part of me that wants this baby.
she asked if she could have it sad
that wasn't very helpful.

KringleCandleLover Mon 04-Nov-13 15:54:09

Hang on in there. It won't be long and it'll be over for you x

wonderingwendy Mon 04-Nov-13 20:45:02

I know this sounds strange but whenever I go to the toilet I keep hoping there will be blood and that I will miscarry (sorry if that sounds so awful)
I just need to be over this.
why do the NHS make you wait so long ?
I will be about 8-9 before I get my op date.

KringleCandleLover Mon 04-Nov-13 21:13:57

You'll be surprised how quick they book you in. My health auth had me in within 3 days, though it was a few yrs ago. Won't be long x

TheWanderingUterus Mon 04-Nov-13 21:23:33

It's not strange, its natural because it would take the decision out of your hands.

The NHS takes so long because they often only do the procedures on certain days and the cynic in me thinks that the NHS think that if they leave people long enough there is a higher chance that they will change their mind, become attached etc.

I had it done at Marie Stopes five days after I saw my GP for the first time. I don't know why but I didn't pay for it either, I think my GP service did as the doctor gave me a little slip which I handed over to the MS receptionists. I was offered the NHS service too, but that would have taken four weeks to get the appointment. It would have been £800 to pay privately.

TheWanderingUterus Mon 04-Nov-13 21:25:19

Forgot to add, I can imagine how hard it was, it was hard enough to wait the few days I had to, let alone weeks.

Just distract yourself, stay strong and be kind to yourself. It will all be over soon x

ILetHimKeep20Quid Mon 04-Nov-13 21:32:32

I felt the same sad

My turnaround was really quick. It seems your initial appoinment has taken some time, be prepared for things to move quickly after you've had that.

wonderingwendy Mon 04-Nov-13 21:33:04

so when do you think I will get the op date after my scan this Thursday ? it wouldn't be over the weekend would it?

ILetHimKeep20Quid Mon 04-Nov-13 21:35:21

I'm guessing every health board is different but I was in the next day, so seen the Thursday and in for the pills on the Friday. I was worried about the timings as well, once I knew I felt a lot better.

wonderingwendy Mon 04-Nov-13 21:38:47

but as the pill option scares the life out of me it will take longer ?
I want to curl up in a ball until it's all oversad

Whitegrenache Mon 04-Nov-13 21:48:30

I found out I was pregnant with number 3 after failed MAP and I had no doubts at all that I wanted a termination. I took the easiest option for me and had a suction removal of pregnancy under GA and a mirena inserted at the same time.
The scan at 5 weeks was not shown to me and was the hardest bit as I had very fond memories of my previous (wanted) scans. I opted for the surgical option as I was too much if a wimp to have the tablet and be in pain and have the potential to see it. I thought having it done under GA would be best as I would not be aware of it iyswim? Woke up a bit tearful after but can honestly say I have never ever regretted my decision. HTH and best wishes in whatever you decide x

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