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What might I get if I divorce, as I'm not entitled to benefits

(111 Posts)
adri349 Thu 05-Sep-19 23:17:12

Hi, I'd really appreciate if any of you could offer your opinions or experience on what you think I might get or and could ask for, if I go for divorce at some point. I've put my brief background and questions below. Thanks.

-I'm in my early thirties
-I came to marry in UK 7 years ago (from Brazil), husband already had a 2 bed flat before marriage, no kids.
-I worked part time for about 2 years, just call centre, minimum wage
-I had a daughter with him, she's now aged 14 months
-He is self employed, works around the country, probably earns maybe 30 to 50 a year, depending on work availability, it can vary.
-The flat is worth maybe £130k, with about £70k still on the mortgage
-We both have about £10k each in savings
-I don't want to be married anymore, for my own reasons.
-If I divorce, I can stay in the UK on a Parent Visa because my daughter was born in the UK. I would want complete custody.
-However, the Parent Visa does not allow me benefits. The visa says 'no recourse to public funds'. And I would need to remain on that visa, after divorce, for 5 years before I can settle and get benefits.

1. From what I understand, the government will give me and daughter the flat to live in, and he can find somewhere else. I've added up all the bills, mortgage, car, home maintenance, food, basic leisure etc and I'll need about £1800 a month to cover everything, and thats not including nice holidays. So given that I cannot get benefits for 5 years and I'm a stay at home mum, he must surely be asked to pay the £1800 in combined spousal support and child maintenance right? As that's how much we need.

2. Might the government say he has to sell the flat? In which case how much of the money might I be entitled to, and would he still pay child and spousal maintenance if I used some of that flat sale to pay the bills myself?

3. After 5 years, when I could get benefits, would those be reduced if he pays me spousal maintenance? Or I'm entitled to get both?

4. I'd want full custody of my little one. He can start his own family if he wants, not my problem. So what's the minimum they could award custody or visiting for him? Like a few hours on the weekend, or a whole day?

5. His pension at retirement and any inheritance he might get in future, I read I may be awarded some of that - but would that work the otherway around as well?

6. Can I make him leave the flat? Like just lock the doors on him and say sorry, you're welcome back to visit only if you must. I understand then he has no option but to apply for rights to visit.

7. I hope I would be able to continue to live in the flat after divorce. Surely he would be made to keep making payments on the mortgage if he doesn't live here?

Sorry about all the questions, just comment on any that you feel you wish. I hope the answers will be useful for others.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Thu 05-Sep-19 23:30:06

I’m not a lawyer but on a salary of 30-50k it’s quite possible there would be no spousal at all. He would likely be awarded a share of the flat
All assets go into the pot inc any savings and pensions you have
He could be awarded 50:50 residency

You’re going to need to see a lawyer, it’s complex but from your post it’s likely you will be rather disappointed

millymollymoomoo Thu 05-Sep-19 23:31:28

And no you cannot throw him out of the flat lock the door and not let him back ( while expecting him to pay). I think you sound a little deluded tbh

millymollymoomoo Thu 05-Sep-19 23:31:54

You won’t get future inheritance either

NotBeingRobbed Thu 05-Sep-19 23:39:45

This has got to be a wind-up! You would get 50% of joint assets. You will have to work for a living. Spousal maintenance isn’t often awarded and he will have a right to shared custody, should he wish it. And no, you can’t change the locks on the joint property - which was originally his sole property!

Mermaidoutofwater Thu 05-Sep-19 23:53:17

The child support you will get from a £30-50k salary will be nowhere near the £1800 you desire. Generally speaking, spousal support is unlikely but you need to see a solicitor because your situation with regards to benefit ineligibility is more complex. However it is hard to imagine how your husband could afford it.
The one thing that is certain though is that barring any documented abuse towards her, if your husband wants to spend time with his child he will be granted access.

If you want to end your marriage it would be best to see a few solicitors and get some idea of what you may be entitled to. You might find that you need to stay in the marriage and work towards increasing your earning ability before you can afford to leave.

adri349 Fri 06-Sep-19 00:19:34

hmm. Thanks for your responses... I'm really interested in all opinions and experience. I don't see how I could go out and get a job as I have to look after my little one. And if I was on my own and without benefits, I presume that also means no free child care at age 3? Or is that not dependant on who has main custody? So I couldn't even try to look for work. And even if I looked for work, I may not get it. confused

OP’s posts: |
adri349 Fri 06-Sep-19 00:40:54

Is there a minimum that they'd say the ex can keep for themself out of his salary? Obviously he needs something to live on. A bedsit is £350/month, including bills. Add a few hundred for food and extras, perhaps he could get by on £600 a month? I couldn't find anything online about what makes a basic 'reasonable need', but as I said, I added up mine which came to around 1800. He must make at least 2400 a month, so surely it could work...

OP’s posts: |
BringMeAGinandTonic Fri 06-Sep-19 00:53:02

Are you eligible for ILR (indefinite leave to remain)? Just wondered as you mentioned having to do the family visa and I thought one could apply for ILR after 5 years.

I'd also check you can transfer from your current visa to a family visa.

I agree you need to see a solicitor, as your current visa status might be difficult and possibly more expensive.

pikapikachu Fri 06-Sep-19 00:58:33

It doesn't work like that.

If you sell the flat 50/50 is fair. You can try court but legal fees might be more than the extra.

He definitely won't have to pay you £1800/£2400. He has to pay Child Maintenance (search CMS calculator for amount), spousal support is unlikely because of his salary. He can claim Child Benefit though. It's not appropriate for him to have a bedsit to look after his daughter on his days.

With contact it depends what he wants. He could get up to 50%. Average is 1 weekend every 2 weeks and an extra night on the week where there's no contact at the weekend. This is because most Dads work Monday-Friday and many can pick him children before dinner once a fortnight.

pikapikachu Fri 06-Sep-19 01:00:06

Don't lock him out the flat- if he pays the mortgage then he can break in because it's his house.

sobeyondthehills Fri 06-Sep-19 01:00:26

You need to see a solicitor.

Given that he owned the flat before you married, it might not be as simple as you get the flat.

Worse case, he gets custody as he has a home and you have to go to work. Make sure you see a solicitor.

If it does go the way you think, he would still be entitled to 50/50 custody.

I can't stress enough that you need to go to see a solicitor

thecalmorchid Fri 06-Sep-19 01:13:19

Your husband has to agree to a divorce. If he disputes the divorce you either have to wait 5 years or take him to court with a reason for divorce.

Your child should get funded child care when they are three, her father is UK resident and paying into the system, he may also have your daughter 50% of the time.

A court might grant spousal for example, until your daughter qualifies for childcare, after this you'd be expected to work to support yourself. Courts don't usually award spousal maintenance anymore except in extenuating circumstances.

Both you and your husband have equal rights to raise your daughter. It may be 50/50.

You'd should be able to live in your home unless there is enough equity to house both of you. Then it would be sold. Sometimes there is an order put on the residence saying that when the child reaches 18, it will be sold and divided between you.

Inheritance can't be touched but if inheritance comes in on either side before the settlement then it's taken into consideration. The person that received the settlement might not need so much of the equity in the house to re-home themselves for example.

You can't change the locks as it's his house too! He legally can break into his own house. You need to wait until it's all finally settled before you change the locks.

I'd get some good legal advice soon. Your situation Is certainly complicated.

bellmadboo Fri 06-Sep-19 01:20:33

All I can read is money money money. Get a part time job like everyone else has to your daughters 5 in school so nout stopping u. What's with the benefits in 5 years! Who says you have a right to them your daughter be 10 then

Gingerkittykat Fri 06-Sep-19 01:21:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mermaidoutofwater Fri 06-Sep-19 01:25:48

*Is there a minimum that they'd say the ex can keep for themself out of his salary?*
No, but no court will award you 75% of your ex’s income.

What visa are you on at the moment OP? Maybe there is another one you can transfer to that would make things a bit easier with access to benefits. Sadly the reality for most divorced mums in the UK is that benefits are vital because child support is pitifully small and cannot be relied upon. You also mentioned that your husband is self employed which makes it notoriously easy for him to avoid paying if he doesn’t want to.

We don’t know why you want to divorce or what the state of your relationship is but if things are bearable it might be wiser to stay married and undertake some training or further education so you can earn more than minimum wage and pay for childcare in the future. Theoretically you could have retrained by the time your daughter starts school, so childcare costs would be much more manageable by then.

Cleopatrai Fri 06-Sep-19 01:33:59

It’s complicated because of your immigration status but in summary:

- you won’t get spousal support
- you won’t get anywhere near 1800
- if he wants 50 custody he can apply for that. i don’t know how involved a father he is. he may not want to see your child at all which will mean very little/no contact. it depends how much he wants to go for, really. & ofc what is sensible

-the government won’t tell him to sell his flat

- once you divorce u have no claim on his pension & his inheritance

- he won’t have to leave his house
- he won’t pay any mortgage for a house he doesn’t leave in.

I don’t believe you are a genuine poster but if you are I hope ^^ is useful. smile

LoreleiRock Fri 06-Sep-19 03:19:22

It was his flat before you even met him? Why should he leave? Would he want to have joint custody. You don’t actually get to call all the shots in this situation.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 06-Sep-19 03:25:49

This does have a lot of hot button topics, doesn't it?

Immigration lawyer rather than winding up Mumsnet.

Knitclubchatter Fri 06-Sep-19 04:19:40

your immigration status is key. you need formal legal input on this matter. IF indeed you interpreted matters accurately the intent of that particular visa might be for you to join your daughter when she is gainfully employed and can support your needs for the five years. that visa type might not be the right option for you.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Fri 06-Sep-19 04:25:17

A bedsit is £350/month, including bills.

Wow you're a delight aren't you? I'd say he is getting a lucky escape from you

1. No you may not be entitled to the flat - it may have to be sold and split between you

2 50:50 split of assets is the starting point

3. Spousal maintenance is very rare in the UK and generally only awarded where the other person is earning a LOT of money. £50k isn't a lot

4. Custody will be split - 50:50 is the starting point - very selfish and cruel to presume otherwise.

5. Possibly some of the pension BUT you've not been married that long and tends to only be based on what he has built up during the marriage. Once divorced you are not entitled to future inheritance greedy 🐄

6. Yes and no - it's jointly owned so his HOME too

7. No he wouldn't. You'd be expected to get JOB and not live for free off the back of him

I don't see how I could go out and get a job as I have to look after my little one.

Tough welcome to the real world everyone else has to do it

A bedsit is £350/month, including bills. Add a few hundred for food and extras, perhaps he could get by on £600 a month?

Doesn't work like that - you'll get a couple of hundred a month maximum. Why should he be on the bones of his arse and you live it up with the "holidays" you need!

Since I don't think this post is real I'll be honest and say I think you're a money grabbing selfish so and so and the epitome of why men can be so reluctant to get married as they worry they'll be taken for everything in a divorce

8by8 Fri 06-Sep-19 05:54:49

There’s been a few odd posts recently with posters wanting ludicrous money from men after brief marriages or one night stands resulting in children.

On the offchance you’re real, see a lawyer but be prepared to be very disappointed. You are not going to get anywhere near what you want.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Fri 06-Sep-19 06:23:20

Why should your husband just give you 1800 quid a month, a huge sum of money which would be a generous wage never mind a hand out?

Why can't you get a job?

HattieMcNastie Fri 06-Sep-19 06:31:58

Your poor husband. was this your plan all along? To do this to him?

You are seriously deluded if you think a judge will award you 2k a month and leave him 600.

Get a job. Like most single mums have to.

Knitclubchatter Fri 06-Sep-19 06:35:12

But some visa types don’t permit work either. Hence the need for proper advice, you may need to consider a move back to your home country.

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