What might I get if I divorce, as I'm not entitled to benefits

[adri349]

Hi, I'd really appreciate if any of you could offer your opinions or experience on what you think I might get or and could ask for, if I go for divorce at some point. I've put my brief background and questions below. Thanks.

Background
-I'm in my early thirties
-I came to marry in UK 7 years ago (from Brazil), husband already had a 2 bed flat before marriage, no kids.
-I worked part time for about 2 years, just call centre, minimum wage
-I had a daughter with him, she's now aged 14 months
-He is self employed, works around the country, probably earns maybe 30 to 50 a year, depending on work availability, it can vary.
-The flat is worth maybe £130k, with about £70k still on the mortgage
-We both have about £10k each in savings
-I don't want to be married anymore, for my own reasons.
-If I divorce, I can stay in the UK on a Parent Visa because my daughter was born in the UK. I would want complete custody.
-However, the Parent Visa does not allow me benefits. The visa says 'no recourse to public funds'. And I would need to remain on that visa, after divorce, for 5 years before I can settle and get benefits.

Questions

1. From what I understand, the government will give me and daughter the flat to live in, and he can find somewhere else. I've added up all the bills, mortgage, car, home maintenance, food, basic leisure etc and I'll need about £1800 a month to cover everything, and thats not including nice holidays. So given that I cannot get benefits for 5 years and I'm a stay at home mum, he must surely be asked to pay the £1800 in combined spousal support and child maintenance right? As that's how much we need.

1. Might the government say he has to sell the flat? In which case how much of the money might I be entitled to, and would he still pay child and spousal maintenance if I used some of that flat sale to pay the bills myself?

1. After 5 years, when I could get benefits, would those be reduced if he pays me spousal maintenance? Or I'm entitled to get both?

1. I'd want full custody of my little one. He can start his own family if he wants, not my problem. So what's the minimum they could award custody or visiting for him? Like a few hours on the weekend, or a whole day?

1. His pension at retirement and any inheritance he might get in future, I read I may be awarded some of that - but would that work the otherway around as well?

1. Can I make him leave the flat? Like just lock the doors on him and say sorry, you're welcome back to visit only if you must. I understand then he has no option but to apply for rights to visit.

1. I hope I would be able to continue to live in the flat after divorce. Surely he would be made to keep making payments on the mortgage if he doesn't live here?

Sorry about all the questions, just comment on any that you feel you wish. I hope the answers will be useful for others.

Hi Adri,

Just to add my tuppence worth, as someone who has just been the court process regarding a variation to joint lives spousal maintenance, I can give your my experience of how the court views these matters. It is not as cut and dried as some posters are suggesting. Judges have a wide discretion in these matters and it depends on the judge's particular view. There is no certainty and it's the luck of the draw which judge you get on the day.

However, you are correct in that the courts have a duty to give priority to the needs of the children of the marriage. Their welfare, housing and financial needs are placed above all other considerations. So the court will prioritise your and your child's housing if you are the resident parent. This can be done in a number of ways, not always giving the mother the property. Renting is also an option as the court does not assume home ownership if your assets/finances do not allow. The starting point for sharing assets is 50/50 but can be adjusted if the resident parent needs more to house him/herself.

Child maintenance is calculated as a percentage of the non-resident parent's income and may be reduced if your ex-husband has shared custody. It is not automatic that the wife gets 100% custody and the court will look at the welfare of the child if necessary and rule on % share. Your ex-husband can apply for custody if he wants to. Other posters are correct that it may be difficult to get a consistent amount from someone who is self-employed.

Spousal maintenance is still awarded in this country and is based needs. You will be expected to present a schedule of expenses which will be scrutinised. You may have to manage your expectations regarding your ex-husband's salary as he will have to pay his own expenses including his housing. What you need to work out is what both of you can afford on his salary of £2,000 to £3,000 a month. The court may award maintenance for a specific period until you get back to work full time, factoring in your potential earnings and any benefits you may get.

At your age, you will be expected to contribute to your own expenses by working and certainly aiming towards full time once your daughter is at school. I am not sure what your skills are but the court will assess your earning potential and base it's settlement on this.

As to the rights and wrongs of your case/attitude, the courts take a very dispassionate view and are only concerned with needs and the available finances and assets.

You will need specialist legal advice regarding your residential status. I would assume things could get messy if your ex-husband doesn't want your daughter to be taken to Brazil to live.

If you can sit down and come to a sensible financial arrangement it will save you a lot of expense and trauma. Courts take a long time and solicitors/barrister can easily eat up all of your savings and assets which will affect your future.

Good luck

As to the pension, it can be factored in the settlement in lieu of assets and needs to be accurately valued.

Inheritances can be disregarded as it is not certain that a person will receive it until someone dies!

It actually makes me fume that you would happily take a flat from your ex that he owned before he even met you. And that you expect to turf him out into a bedsit so you can have £1800 off him to support yourself! Oh and you 'would want full custody', so taking his child away as well.

So, so disgusting.

Are you currently on a valid visa? Is it a spouse visa?

Has this thread actually been reported to MNHQ yet?

If it has and they’ve decided it’s legit, OP the term golddigger was invented because of people like you. And let’s be honest here, there are people like the OP, they just don’t generally put their views out there so blatantly, so I’m wondering if, if this is real it’s a reverse or a journalist.

Thing is, spousal maintenance is not an automatic right, and actually, neither is child maintenance if residency is awarded on a 50/50 basis. But assuming you were awarded primary residency, the child maintenance is recorded based on I think 15% of his salary, and bearing in mind that if he is self employed he can manage his accounts in such a way as to be Considered to be on minimum wage and the CM would be calculated based on that.

When I got divorced me and my now eXH came to a financial agreement without needing to go through the courts, and money was the thing he didn’t waiver on and has paid without question. He is on a six figure salary and I get nowhere near the amount you think you should be entitled to. So even if your dh declares that he is on £50k you won’t even get half of what you feel you should be entitled to.

The government absolutely won’t give you a paid-for flat, I have no idea where you got that idea from. And they won’t necessarily automatically give you the right to stay in your current family home. Sometimes courts do grant something called a mesher order which allows the resident parent to remain in the family home until the child is eighteen, however this is very rare, and is IMO far less likely given the flat is actually his and you have never paid towards it.

Oh, and moving back to Brazil wouldn’t be an option for you as he can legally prevent you from removing the DC from the country.

There are not many threads that touch on immigration issues and some of the posts regarding visas could be really helpful to someone.

There’s been a few odd posts recently with posters wanting ludicrous money from men after brief marriages or one night stands resulting in children.

Funny, that? 🤔

I thought the UK was supposed to be very supportive to the mother and it was up to the man to move on.

Why did you think that?

My thoughts are if this is true it’s almost as though there wasn’t any love in the marriage in the first place.
If this was switched and it was the man putting this post we would be up in arms.
It’s sounds so cold and calculating that I just don’t want to believe this is real

To answer your title question What might I get if I divorce, as I'm not entitled to benefits

A job

Hey op, so what happened, did you divorce your dh and take the baby? Did you get the house? We're you allowed to stay in the UK?

Can't you work?