@redcliffe
Yes, we are both working on numbers, although she is expecting me to do most of work (as usual!). Equity and contents likely to be around £100k.
@wigglypiggly
I've not sought counselling or anything as don't feel mentally fragile. I suppose I haven't petitioned for divorce as yet as the children don't even know there are issues plus there has been the small hope that things could be made better. I now realise this is not possible. Things will have to move on though.
I have had a bit feeling about another person since Christmas. She was weird at new years eve and then from then she became more distant. Password changes on phone, phone glued to her side. She used to let 5 year old watch you tube on it but that stopped. She started going out much more with work and coming home drunk and late, something she has never done before. It all escalated quickly to the point 4 weeks ago when she said she didn't want any physical contact with me. No kissing, hugging etc. I was gutted but tbh since Christmas she has been cold and distant emotionally so it wasn't much of a change. I officially found out about affair about 2 weeks ago when she confessed.... well actually it was trickle truth in that i asked the questions and she answered. Again, very emotional, but I knew in my heart she was doing it.
@NSA2103
I don't have it in me to play hard ball. I'm genuinely a nice person and find it difficult to do things that might upset people. I know I need to but it's against my nature. Avoidance for me is easier, hence why I just want her out!
@singlenotsingle
I will likely extend the mortgage to pay her out. We are lucky the house had quite a bit if equity and my pay has increased since we originally got the mortgage meaning I can borrow more. It will be a stretch but I don't want children losing their home alongside their family unit. I know legally she can stay and I'm powerless, but I just wish she had the morals to move away!
@bigbus
I've been through these thoughts myself and if I'm honest, no I don't think she is 100%. She suffered badly when her parents split before I was with her and has had periods through our marriage where she has been on anti depressants.
This is really out of character as she previously was honest, decent and kind. Truth to her was a major thing and even little white lies e.g. saying I'd washed up when I hadn't caused her to really get angry. She always said she'd chop my balls off if I had an affair and also said her dad was an idiot for doing what he did to her mum.
Fast forward to more recent times. She has been working very long hours and been upset at colleagues, had a car crash, and our daughter has latched onto me and doesn't really spend time with mum. Genuinely all stressful things - I have tried to lessen daughter time and get her with my wife. She also had her drink spiked at a house party the day before our sons birthday so she came home paralytic and vomiting everywhere (I know it was drugged as others at party had same issue). Pretty much ruined sons birthday to have a comatose mother.
In addition she has become obsessed with her looks and wrinkles etc. so has spent a fortune on make up, clothes, beauty treatments and goes to gym every other day. Her clothes shopping became so extreme that she had to buy new wardrobes (not built!). In addition she has to go to court for the car crash as the other side is disputing things and refusing to take blame.
A long reply, but I have spent many hours looking into depressive illnesses and she does fit into a lot of them. She hasn't shown any emotion about anything except the "love" for toyboy. When I've cried about stuff ending she has just been stoney faced and says she doesn't do tears. I really don't know how she can hold back. It's almost robotic.
She won't accept there is anything wrong with her and refused any counselling or reconciliation. All she gave me was a line from dirty dancing, can't remember what It was exactly, but something Baby said to Patrick Swayze. That about sums it up. I think she is in fantasy world and running from reality. Unfortunately me and kids are left picking up the pieces.
Thank you all for your replies... it helps!