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TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

(1000 Posts)
MuddyWellyNelly Sun 05-May-13 15:55:10

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

eurozammo Thu 04-Jul-13 15:06:45

I'm sorry to hear to MrP's loss pout.

I hear you on the energy - this whole process really is draining.

Buzzybee123 Thu 04-Jul-13 18:17:12

pout so sorry to hear about your FIL, Big hugs

euro still quite early so hoping for a BFP smile

Barry is working in a small market town so I think that is what worries me although I would like to move out somewhere, but its all going to be a bit last minute and we don't know anyone up there

seaviewasia Thu 04-Jul-13 21:18:26

Pout - just coming on to give you a big hug about your FIL. I know just how you feel having just buried my FIL yesterday. It's so so hard and for us who is supporting someone grieving for their father I think it is really difficult to watch. Whether you are expecting it or not I don't think it is any easier. Love to MrP and you. [hand hold] I can't believe you are having to deal with IVF at the same time. Life is really f**cking unfair sometimes. [shakes fist at the sky]

Euro - I am sorry for the BFN. Like others have said it might be too early for the test and I really hope that is the case.

AFM, ladies, I am really not in a good place right now. MrS is devastated and I am trying really hard to support him. It's not easy. I am sad about FIL too - very much so. I feel this coupled with our infertility is just too much to bear. MrS keeps telling me how he feels very unhappy and keeps talking about us not being able to have a child. It didn't help that after the funeral even people I didn't know came up and to us and said " don't worry you will; have kids one day, you are not too old" and everyone had one of those stories (barren for years and then 2 kids no problems). It looks like MIL told all her friends and distant relatives about our struggles. It's so hard to cope with death and also knowing everyone knows your inability to do something as natural as to have a child. Someone even told me. it's so sad because I know your FIL was really looking forward to seeing you and MrS kids. Now he will never be able to see his them... Why oh why would someone say that to me!!! F*@k! I am sorry for the self indulgence and bad language post but I am so angry and hate how unfair life is. It's just all feels so hopeless and unbearable. sad

Buzzybee123 Thu 04-Jul-13 22:09:48

sea big hugs, it is amazing what stupid things people will say at times like funerals hmm they just don't realise what they are saying. Its a very stressful time you and Mr S, you just need to get through this then you can think about other things, right now everything is just piling up and too much to process at once flowers

Poutintrout Thu 04-Jul-13 23:15:53

sea I am so sorry that you and MrS are going through such a tough time. I actually think that after the funeral is the sometimes the toughest time because the shock of the death and the funeral planning kind of provides a weird momentum with not much time to think. After the funeral comes the difficult point of learning to live without the person. I can understand why you are both devastated.
I have to admit that I wasn't especially close to my FIL and MrP had a strange relationship with him but nevertheless I know that he is hurting and seeing him cry was so difficult. I am naturally a cold fish and find it really hard to do the warm emotional stuff. I keep telling him that I don't know what to say or do - not helpful I know. I was reading another thread on here about bereavement and how to give support and quite a few of the posts suggested that just stepping back a bit and telling the grieving person to tell you what they need is a good way to go. I am waffling when really I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and am sad that you are going through this & that I understand that being the supportive one can be difficult too.

As for the comments from some people at the funeral I am quite shocked. On what planet are those kind of words helpful? Way to kick a person when they are down. I am sure that both you and MrS had privately reflected on the fact that FIL won't be around to see your kids and don't need some ejit saying that out loud. I know that those thoughts have gone through my mind with my FIL and I wondered if it had gone through his mind while he was in hospital. I am comforted by thinking that maybe he will give God/the universe a bit of a shove and send a baby in our direction smile

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 05-Jul-13 08:04:08

Oh my, what a big bunch of sadness on here today. So sorry about the passing away of your FIL pout and about the struggles supporting mrP. For what it's worth I think you're fab to be thinking about him and trying to work out how to support him. It is just so hard.

I agree with pout that the period post-funeral can be toughest sea. And frankly those comments... Great they are trying to be helpful, but it ain't. I confess I did similar to a colleague of mine who's mum is terminally ill yesterday, but I did revanch myself a little by asking her what I could do, except taking on half her workload for the next month or so. It is so hard to try and be comforting and I sincerely hope the comments, how ill founded, were well-meant. Big hugs to both of you!

And to you euro, although it is naughty early testing. I am tempted to take your word for it and wish you great, drunken hols!

As for me, things are much better stimming. Although the squiffy stab meant I failed to inject the full dose and flailed about a lot, I've managed since... Yesterday I visited my friend (of the multiple MCs) with her new baby and that went really well. Meeting another baby over lunch and then I've done my barren duty until after IVF, I reckon. Loads of dinners with people this week, so not drinking much will be a challenge, but I'd prefer no alcoholic eggs by EC.

Poutintrout Fri 05-Jul-13 17:18:03

Thanks lemons for your kind words. TBH I am okay, just feeling a bit a lot useless at the whole comforting thing. MrP is bearing up okay too. I think he is too distracted by work and hasn't had the chance for it to sink in. I just felt so sad to read about what a hard time sea & MrS are having.

You really have done your barren duties hands out medal for services to the fecund You made me laugh with your squiffy injecting. I would have been way to afraid to be anything but totally sober when sticking syringes in myself. I used to treat it like it was open heart surgery! When is EC?

rabbitonthemoon Fri 05-Jul-13 17:27:13

I'm manically tidying the house as we have people coming for tea. But sending hugs and support to lots if the 10 plussers.

Sea I'm so sorry. And shockat the comments, people really don't engage the brain before speaking sometimes. Sending you lots of virtual hand holding. It's heartbreaking to see someone you love in the depths of grief.

Loves to pout and lemon and euro but people are knocking at the door! Will try and do wine fuelled sneaky post later.

seaviewasia Fri 05-Jul-13 18:52:07

Thank you lovely 10 plusser ladies for your comforting words.

Pout - you are so right that it is really hard to watch someone you love in pain. I hope MrP is doing okay. Work can be a wonderful distraction but I believe that one has to feel the hurt eventually. It's just a tough process. MrS is an eternal optimist and he never cries. I have seen him sobbing uncontrollably in the last week numerous times. It's so hard... I just desperately want to take the pain away but I can't. I think his father's death has opened something in him. He is doubting everything else in his life. In the last 4 years he has never really showed how sad he is that we have not been able to conceive but now he tells me he is really depressed about it. Rationally I know this is not just my problem but I can't help but feel guilty - like I am broken and not able to give him what he really wants.

Buzzy How do you feel? Thanks for your lovely and sensible words. You are quite right about people meaning well. I know they don't mean to be cruel.

Lemons - squiffy stab sounds painful. I hope you have recovered. Good on you for helping your colleague. It's amazing what comfort supportive friends and colleagues can bring.

Rabbit - Enjoy the Friday night dinner party. Hope you have lots of lovely wine!

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 05-Jul-13 23:42:26

Sea I'm so sorry, this is so hard. I agree that the comments were probably well-intended, even if they were badly thought out. In any case it is probably better for your well being right now to make that assumption. Poor MrS. Grief is not something you can chart, and all the old cliches are true. Hang on in there; on top of the abject misery of TTC something like this is obviously going to throw you of course. All you can do is be there for him; and know we are here for you.

Pout, big supportive hugs for you and MrP too.

I'm a happy little Scot today. tennis <<< guesses. Hope everyone is doing ok. I think the proper heat wave is going to miss us. Boo.

Waves to all xxx

MissMedusa Sat 06-Jul-13 06:57:07

Thank you ladies for the kind words and I'm so sorry that a lot of you are going through such difficult times. sad

sarlat Sat 06-Jul-13 12:10:15

Pout- I am sorry to hear about your pil. Gosh, life is really really hard sometimes. Your heart must be breaking for mr p. Nothing special you need to do except love him, be there and listen and make tea or pour a brandy as required. He is lucky he has you. Be extra extra kind to yourselves. Just live each day with no plans or expectations.

Sea - those comments were rude and stingy. Im sorry you had to hear them. But they werent intended to be deliberate unpleasantries im sure. But I know that doesn't make it feel all ok. Im sorry you are going through tough times too.

Medusa-lovely to hear from you, feel free to pop on and off as you like. Again I am really sad to hear about your mc. That must have been very tough. Keep fighting, you will get there.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 07-Jul-13 18:21:04

Hope everyone is out enjoying the sunshine or the tennis (or both). we are quite squiffy from our post wimbledon sparkly tennis grin. Stuffed full of strawberries too... Scottish ones wink

eurozammo Sun 07-Jul-13 19:05:07

sea I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It's hard that MIL has spread your fertility woes. It is a private pain and we should be able to decide when to share it.

I've had a complete head fuck of a weekend - tiny faint line yesterday morning (much fainter than at this dpo last time round) and then A BFN this morning, so I think it was a chem preg. I have the blood test tomorrow, which might give me an indication.

Despite that I have had a very nice day. We had my parents over for a bbq. It was the perfect day for it.

Hugs to pout and waves to all.

akuabadoll Sun 07-Jul-13 19:43:48

hugs to sea and pout

hi medusa it's lovely to see you but so sorry to hear about your mcs.

sorry for the head fuck euro I don't have any experience of this but I hope you get some answers at the blood test. x

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 07-Jul-13 20:28:19

Oh euro, FFS what a nightmare. I got BFPs until the Wednesday, then a BFN on the Thursday and zero according to the blood test on Friday. I couldn't quite piece it all together and was really surprised to be told there was zero reading. I'd go with your CP theory, which is upsetting, but shows embies were formed again.

Madness I'm getting squiffy too. The man is a legend grin

roomyenoughforacritter Mon 08-Jul-13 02:08:29

Hi ladies - just back from my ten day writing thing and catching up. I've missed a lot and it looks like it's mostly been bad news. sad

I am so sorry pout and sea about your FILs.

sea what an awful thing for someone to say to you, I am just so sorry that this is adding more pain onto what you are already suffering. I only hope that this horrible time will pass and that you and MrS will get some good luck for once. Huge hug and I'm so sorry.

pout I really feel for you and MrP. I am sure that you're doing a wonderful job of taking care of him and making him feel supported and loved. I just wish that you weren't both going through this.

euro what an awful stressful cycle you've had, they really buggered about with you. It adds even more stress that you've had a CP. I hope that you can have a peaceful break, allowing your body a rest, before your August round.

lemon I am cheering you on. The injecting is no fun at all but you're a hero and a warrior and you will get through this. Sending lots of love and luck to the little lemony egglets.

rabbit I love your recent posts and your fighting spirit. You are absolutely right, you (and everyone else on this board) are born to be a mum and you will be a bloody fantastic one. And your time is coming, it really is.

nelly Scottish strawberries and sparkles sound like the perfect way to celebrate a Hibernian win! Hope the sunshine has found its way to where you are. My family was just in Scotland and were texting me last week in huge excitement at two evening badger sightings outside the house. My sister even left out some leftover chicken liver pate for it when they were cleaning out the fridge to go home, the lucky thing probably couldn't believe its luck grin.

missM Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I spotted you on the January antenatal thread and remembered your story - I was so happy that you were pregnant, and I am just so incredibly sorry that you have gone through the pain of mc. It's not bloody fair. sad These ladies are wonderful and I really hope you won't be back for long - in the nicest possible way.

sar I couldn't agree more about the nursery stuff. As always, your posts are so wise and just spot on.

I met a really lovely girl on my course last week whose husband had azoospermia - no sperm at all. They'd been trying for a year before he got tested, doctors can be so crap - and were two years into TTC and worrying about whether to go the IUI with donor sperm or adoption route. She lived in a really rural part of the country and was thinking about trying to find a male fertility specialist first to see if there was anything they could do. I was telling her that my pregnancy was IVF (I don't want to feel embarrassed about it) and she told me about her situation - I felt so bad that she was going through the longterm TTC shitfest. It's so unfair that so many kind and good-hearted people go through it.

eurozammo Mon 08-Jul-13 10:20:13

Hi critter. I hope you enjoyed the course - 10 days is a long one!

nelly I'd be interested to see if I get any reading at all on the HCG test. My internet strips are the sensitive ones, supposed to detect anything from 10miu, and it was blank yesterday.

doll thanks. How are you doing?

Poutintrout Mon 08-Jul-13 12:16:26

euro Jeez what headfuckery. It would have been better perhaps to not have got a line at all than this. Maybe it was a duff test or a CP like nelly said. Nevertheless it is utterly shite and I am sorry.

sea how are you and MrS doing? I really think that when other things go wrong in life it just sharpens and brings more into focus just how shitty infertility is. It is hard to carry any extra burdens so no wonder MrS is expressing how down he is with TTC.

Critter I love badgers. I've never seen one except squashed on the road and would love to watch them.
I can't believe that it took doctors two years to diagnose a zero sperm count for that poor woman. When I read that I just kept thinking how she had 24 whole months of maybe thinking this could be their cycle when in actual fact it was all futile & it was never going to happen naturally. How bloody awful. Good for you for talking about the IVF. I wish more people did. If I am ever lucky enough to be that situation I will definitely be totally upfront about it.

Well this heat is something else. I managed to get horribly sunburnt yesterday having pottered about in the garden for too long without sun block and feel like a right wally about it. I now have those disgusting red and white stripes complete with bra clasp marks!

Love and waves to everyone.

eurozammo Mon 08-Jul-13 15:31:03

I just had the call from the clinic with my HCG blood test result. It was 1.4, which is a negative (they class 5+ as a positive), but suggests something happened, so I wasn't just imagining the faint line on the test on Saturday.

roomyenoughforacritter Mon 08-Jul-13 16:54:45

Oh euro I am sorry for the headfuckery. You're so close to getting there, it's so incredibly frustrating. This cycle was really crap and I am glad you're getting a bit of a mental break. It was a huge amount of pressure on you, and even though I know you are stoic, it's bloody hard.

pout I haven't ever seen a live badger either (apart from roadkill) and was really jealous to hear that my family saw one! I did feel awful for my poor friend. I told her I'd heard that you can sometimes remove sperm directly from the testes, even if they don't find any in the sample. She hadn't heard of ICSI and said her local doctor had been pressuring them to do IVF with donor sperm (instead of trying other options first) so I hope she'll have some more avenues to explore first. But I just had this awful sinking feeling that they'd been trying for so long and still would have a long and exhausting road ahead. It's so shit. sad
The sunburn will go brown eventually! Just pop on lots of lotion and aloe - I hope it's not too hot and uncomfortable.

eurozammo Mon 08-Jul-13 17:01:15

Thanks critter. It's sort of comforting that something tried to happen. Maybe we are getting close? On the other hand that means out of 5 eggs, I've have 5 fertilised embryos but none have taken - two fertilised abnormally, two looked bad and didn't stick for more than a day or two, one looked good and stuck for a while but not long enough. I need foof superglue for next time.

How are you doing?

Buzzybee123 Mon 08-Jul-13 17:07:37

euro I am so sorry, I break will be good then roll on the next cycle sad

crittter glad you enjoyed your time away, I am surprised it took so long for then to diagnose the problem and that they haven't offered her more solutions confused

pout hope the sunburn isn't too painful, how are the dogs coping with the heat, Kayla is hating her fur coat right now and she is letting me know about it, I feel in the mood for a virgin Mojito but Tesco have run out of mint angry

Poutintrout Mon 08-Jul-13 17:24:46

euro how damned frustrating, I am so sorry and pissed off for you in equal measure.

critter I too am surprised that more options haven't been discussed with your friend. That must be all so daunting for her to process at once.
The sunburn is still just that. No sign of a glowy brown! I am berating myself for not only neglecting the sunblock but also for wearing one of those stupid cycling style vest tops which means that I have this odd pattern on my back now. Next time I do something so silly I will have to go topless for that all over Brit abroad look!

buzz Ohhh I love a Mojito. You can never seem to get mint in Tesco. We have it growing in the garden and I was ridiculously happy to find it. We also have loads of lemon balm. Anyone have any ideas on what to do with it? It smells so lovely.
The dogs are coping quite well with the heat really though I am a bit wary of letting them play for too long and risking them overheating. Big Dog will just go on and on fetching his ball and can end up in a right panting state. Not sure what to suggest for Kayla. When Big (very furry) Dog is too hot we get the hosepipe out for him to play with but I'm not sure a cat would appreciate that!

Buzzybee123 Mon 08-Jul-13 17:50:34

<jumps in car and speeds round to pouts for mint>
I did think about a spray for Kayla but I don't see it going down well hmm a neighbour has a paddling pool on the balcony, if it wasn't 3 storeys up I would be tempted to use it, have just opened ice cream but its frozen solid sad
I'm all for the topless Brit abroad look grin

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