My amazing DH is gone. How do I cope?

(249 Posts)
IcanandIwill Sun 06-May-12 23:49:35

Am totally worn out and emotionally exhausted. My story will be obvious to anyone who knows / recognises me. DH died suddenly three weeks ago. Two weeks ago I gave birth to our baby. I'm really looking for advice from anyone who has lost a partner. How on earth do you cope. I cannot get past the fact that he won't be coming back. It does not feel real and I can't accept it. How on earth do you get through the day / week / months?

OP’s posts: |
McPhee Mon 07-May-12 00:05:30

Oh my goodness, I've no idea how you must be feeling sad

So sorry for what you're going through.

hugs xx

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 07-May-12 00:07:15

i'm so sorry, you poor woman. i hope someone who can advise will be along soon.

ninah Mon 07-May-12 00:09:02

I am so sorry. Be close to your baby, and wishing you strength. x

GiantPuffball Mon 07-May-12 00:09:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Do you have any family living near by? Call on your friends and ask them to help you by making meals, giving you a break from the baby our just being there for you.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 07-May-12 00:09:53

I'm so sorry.

Must be a dreaful thing to cope with at any time never mind with a newborn. Just try to take each day, even each hour one at a time. Accept help and support when it's offered. And don't be afraid to ask family and friends if it isn't offered.

X

IcanandIwill Mon 07-May-12 00:10:12

Thanks for the replies. I suppose I'm just hoping someone who has been there will be able to reassure me that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

OP’s posts: |
ThatVikRinA22 Mon 07-May-12 00:10:32

i am so sorry, i couldnt click this post and not say anything. You are coping with a double whammy here, the loss of your loved one and the birth of your baby - i hope you are getting support in RL from your friends and family, the health visitor, your gp etc...

i have no idea how you cope with the loss of a partner, but i lost someone incredibly dear to me in 2004, and all i can say is you just keep breathing, and it gets easier, over a long time, it gets easier.

accept all offers of practical help that you can
do what ever feels right for you

for me, i felt the pain, talked about it, cried alot, and didnt feel guilty for doing it. i had alot of stop the world i want to get off moments....

but 8 years on, its easier. it does get easier to live with.

you have my very best wishes, xxx

SkipTheLightFanjango Mon 07-May-12 00:10:40

You do what my friend did...keep going and take all the help you are offered. You will get through it but it will hurt! Please look after yourself! XX

IcanandIwill Mon 07-May-12 00:11:48

I am blessed with wonderful friends and family. But I just can't get past the fact he's not coming back.

OP’s posts: |
GlaikitFizzog Mon 07-May-12 00:12:03

I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. Thinking of you and your family at such a sad time

ninah Mon 07-May-12 00:16:15

Take a day at a time and don't look too far ahead. Do you have family?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 07-May-12 00:16:19

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I don't know how you get through this but could not read without passing on my condolences to you.

ninah Mon 07-May-12 00:17:03

sorry x posted

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 07-May-12 00:18:35

have you considered bereavement counselling? i found i wanted to talk and talk and talk and it made others uncomfortable.

i guess it depends on how you cope with grief, and it is a very individual coping process, but for me i needed to feel how i felt and talk about my feelings. i think for me, that was healthy and what i needed to do.

i think you should do what ever your instincts are telling you you need.

tazzle Mon 07-May-12 00:19:54

I am sure someone that has been there will come along and be here for you.

Till then I just wanted to say how sorry that your DH is not here to share the joy of your newborn . Such a mixture of emotions to contend with. Words just seem so inadequate .

Some days it will just be survival mode .... just be kind to yourself.

TrinityRhino Mon 07-May-12 00:20:35

IcanandIwill, just keep breathing

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Eventually you won't need to think about it.

I'm hugging you.

It does get easier.

Hold your baby tight and keep on breathing

It really is true that time heals.

<more hugs>

IcanandIwill Mon 07-May-12 00:21:10

vicar thanks, I think that's what I needed to hear. It's a long way off but just hoping that I can learn to live / cope with this.

OP’s posts: |
LilRedWG Mon 07-May-12 00:21:35

You poor lady. Just take one day/hour/minute/second at a time. Hold your baby, rest and let everyone else do the other stuff. God bless. x

lisad123 Mon 07-May-12 00:21:49

I couldn't read and run, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and at such a time too sad no advice I'm afraid but would you like to tell us about him?

redrubyshoes Mon 07-May-12 00:29:18

Would it help to write down what happened? I am not being intrusive but would it help compartmentalise everything?

Bereavement
Loss
New baby
Grieving
Future
Hope
Family
Help
Work

No darling he is not coming home...................keep your friends and family close and hold him close to your heart.

You will never forget him and nor will you want to but one day you will find yourself thinking about him and smiling without that raw knot of grief but with a smile. It will happen when you least expect it................when you are washing dishes or at the supermarket...................it will come.

One day you will find yourself smiling unselfconciously at your baby and at the chubby little thighs and the dimples that remind you of him and you will feel the urge to kiss that little bum and hold it close and tell it about the lovely dad and the wonderful time you had together....................

IcanandIwill Mon 07-May-12 00:30:00

Thank you all. He used to laugh at my MN habit. I'm going to try and sleep, reassured that eventually we'll get through this.

OP’s posts: |
wantingmore Mon 07-May-12 00:34:15

i have no advice but i am so sorry for your loss.xx

TheFarSide Mon 07-May-12 00:34:56

A friend of my DH's lost her husband very suddenly while she was pregnant. I hardly know her, but I can say that she went ahead and had a beautiful baby and eventually made a new life for herself. It's very early days for you, but one day you will be OK again just like she is now.

WandaDoff Mon 07-May-12 00:41:53

I'm so sorry love. x

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