Something is clearly very wrong with our 3 1/2 year old bilingual DS.
The biggest concern for us is the difference between the nursery setting and the outside nursery setting in both language and behaviour. He is the youngest in the class (August 12) and was used to one to one (Mum and Nannies) until September.
Outside nursery: DS is a bit shy (just like my husband), but happy and chatty. He mixes languages but speaks in full sentences (you can have a proper conversation)., is very playful with us and the Nanny, and is becoming more and more confident; eg. very confident outdoors and in swimming lessons, happy and playing with (not alongside) other children in playdates and also okay in the hustle and bustle of of his swimming class. He is intuitive and caring and always knows when people are sad, etc. He is also cuddly and loves dancing with his Nanny and is very keen on animals, play-doh, story time and all types of vehicles.
Inside the nursery: Nursery teacher tells me he can't speak at all. When he speaks (he has to report his news in front of all the other children and then doesn't want to say much), then the teacher says he talks gibberish and looks away when she talks to him. He seems to only want to play with cars and doesn't talk to other children. However, he is confident outdoors and we had several comments in his little book that he was "chatty" with his friends with doesn't quite tally. We were also told that he can't sit still for long (which he can do at home) and became "fidgety" after 40 minutes in their recent church assembly.
A relative who knows DS well is a primary school teacher and confirms that he is shy and a bit behind with his English "as to be expected for a bilingual child" but not concerned that he is any special needs issues such as autism. Relative works in a "deprived" area and has worked with autistic, special needs etc children and many bilinguals. She also says that the DS' nursery seems to be "hothousing", i.e. learning things they would only cover in reception in the state sector. However, can this really make such a difference to him? He is doing fine with his letters when at home and now even ok with the teacher.
The Nanny, whom our son adores, says he is tensing up after nursery and doesn't want her to leave in the morning when she takes him there. He also told her (and us) repeatedly that he is scared of the teacher and hides from her in the toilet. In the morning he now asks whether it is a Mummy and Daddy day and when he is told it is a school day, he only says "oh". He has also told me that he wants to go to the "purple school in the fields where the children are happy" and not to his nursery. We just don't know where that is (he may have dreamt this up). What worries me most was that when I said to him that something was "normal", he looked very worried and said that "DS is not normal, no!". I have no idea why he would say that. He also has started to have recurring nightmares (last few weeks screaming "no" and shaking when he wakes). This is new since January.
His Nanny says he is a normal playful little boy and only 3.5 years old and she, in essence, thinks that we should consider moving him to another school (somewhere where "can be a child") and he would be fine and happy again. I can't be that easy.
How can we help him? It worries me how is changing so much and is so different at school. I have contacted a medical centre that specialises in special needs children but wanted to hear from other mothers.
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Behaviour/development
Something very wrong with 3 1/2 year old bilingual DS.
Chislemum · 11/02/2016 09:49
You could try speaking to the teacher in your language and see what response you get - that should show you what her level of understanding is 
Have the school suggested that your son has a problem? You are not blaming the school, you are trying to ensure that you child is getting the best treatment for his requirements. To be honest, if you are scared of the staff, it doesn't say much for a caring and nurturing environment at the school. Also your DS could be picking up on your feelings.
What sort of nursery is it? Is it connected to a school/feed into a school? If so would you be considering that school for your DS in the future?
Sounds to me like nothing is wrong with your ds but a lot wrong with the nursery.
They expect 3 year olds to be able to sit without fidgeting for 40 MINUTES in a church! 
(I'd find that hard).
He's scared of the teacher.
They are hot housing.
He is NOT happy in nursery and doesn't want to go.
If you have a lovely nanny why on earth are you sending him to a setting where he is clearly miserable, when he seems to be thriving elsewhere?
To add context - my ds2 (also shy and semi bilingual, although one language quickly became the dominant) spoke 'scribble' when put on the spot at that age. He would speak a totally unintelligible stream of nonsense when put on the phone to his grandma. it was as if he knew in that situation he had to say something but he had no idea at all what to say, so he just made speech-like noises. His grandma thought he had a learning disability. He's now applying to study medicine ! 
You ARE an expert in your little boy, personally I would trust your instinct and your nanny more than the nursery 
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