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To ask for monetary gifts for our weddin?

(209 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 12-Jul-09 12:58:16

Everyone keeps asking what we want but we've lived together 2 years and have kids, we've got everything really. We'd rather just have the money and put it towards landscaping the garden or new curtains or a holiday or something, we're skint at the best of times.

Now I know it's terrible ettiquette, but we are getting married abroad and just having a wedding party at home, and I'm just writing the invites and thinking of putting this:

'We want your presence not your presents; however, if you should wish to grace us with a gift, we have lived together for two years and have everything we need, but a monetary gift towards home improvements would be much appreciated.'

I'm prepared to be stoned, I don't care. I just need to know whether it is too rude to do this.

Thunderduck Sun 12-Jul-09 12:59:22


TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 12-Jul-09 12:59:28

Uh-oh. DS was pressing buttons and this has posted twice.

Nancy66 Sun 12-Jul-09 13:00:17

I think asking for vouchers instead just sounds better than asking for cash.

I understand your reasons but I just don't think it sits comfortably with most people.

webwanderer Sun 12-Jul-09 13:03:18

People are going to tell you its horrendous, but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to receive that in an invitation, it's very sensible and quite a common situation these days.

I don't think I would say monetary, it's a bit stark. Maybe say something like - 'We want your presence not your presents; we've already got 3 kids, 2 toasters, 7 duvets and lots of china! but we would have set up a "landscape the garden!" fund if you would like to contribute towards a blade of grass or two."

Thunderduck Sun 12-Jul-09 13:03:55

And if you are going to ask for money,which you shouldn't, don't put that nonsense about not wanting presents when you're requesting money, it doesn't make sense.

ZacharyQuack Sun 12-Jul-09 13:04:50

You're asking people for money to come to your party? Why not just sell tickets?

gillybeanie Sun 12-Jul-09 13:04:55

i had two invitations with a note something like that inside what a relief sometimes you just don"t know what to buy, i much rather give money than buy something that will be not used or impractical

skidoodle Sun 12-Jul-09 13:05:58

Please, for the love of god, don't put anything about presents on the invitation. It is really tacky and rude.

You said people are asking what you want. Well you can tell those people you'd find money or vouchers more useful. Might also be useful to tell your mum and bridesmaid (likely also to be asked) to do the same. A lot of people will ask if you'd prefer money ime.

But the policy should be that if they don't ask, you don't tell.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 12-Jul-09 13:06:15

I took the first part from an invitation we got (for an engagement do). It didn't bother me. I just stuck a tenner in a card and didn't have to piss about shopping.

sayithowitis Sun 12-Jul-09 13:06:28

Firstly, I hate the pun on presents. Every wedding invitation I have had over the last three years or so has said exactly the same thing. Its not new, or even that amusing after the fifth or sixth time you read it!

Secondly, I don't have problem personally with being asked for money, however, I think it would be nice to specify something you are going to do, rather than the vague 'home improvements'. I would feel very happy giving money for, say, the garden landscapig, but I hate not knowing what i have 'bought' IYSWIM. I don't think i would mention the holiday though, because if you are getting married abroad presumably it is part of a holiday and many people , especially in the current financial climate, cannot afford one holiday, let alone wanting to contribute to someone's second one of the year!

HairyMuff Sun 12-Jul-09 13:06:44

I like webwanderers idea of a speil to put in the card.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if you put something like that, I think its fine.

paisleyleaf Sun 12-Jul-09 13:09:47

I agree with Zachary..... "Why not just sell tickets?"

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 13:09:48

I think you either put "no presents please, it's your company we want"

or take whatever comes

really don't think you can ask for money

SOLOisMeredithGrey Sun 12-Jul-09 13:10:00

YANBU. I did it 15 years ago. Some gave money and some gave gifts ~ though not many gave gifts.

Times have changed. I think it's perfectly acceptable.

Twims Sun 12-Jul-09 13:10:48

I wouldn't mind being asked to pay towards something else - just posted a thread on the same type of thing - but just say you haven't got a wedding list or anything but would love vouchers for bandq etc - maybe make a little joke out of it

paisleyleaf Sun 12-Jul-09 13:10:52

that presence/presents thing makes me squirm too

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 12-Jul-09 13:11:30

I might just do what Skidoodle said and mention to people that I'd rather the money if they keep asking what I want. Hopefully the word will spread. We have no space at all and for our engagement party I didn't realise people gave presents at that sort of thing and we got hundreds of towels and photo frames which are all packed away in the loft (or binned blush if there was no room at all, which I know is awful).

Nancy66 Sun 12-Jul-09 13:12:56

have to agree the presence/presents pun is really naff and overused. Also think the line about 'grace us with a gift' sounds wrong too.

SouthMum Sun 12-Jul-09 13:13:30

YABU - I HATE it when people do this. Its like saying any present you buy won't be appreciated so please give us wads of cash. Also if people are struggling financially (as we are) asking for money kind of makes you feel you have to give alot more than you would have spent on a present.

Sorry but I think its tacky, crass and unfair on the guests to do this. You could always tell close family and friends what your hopes are though and they may oblige.

CarGirl Sun 12-Jul-09 13:13:51

I asked to gifts for the garden. We got a huge range of plants, pots, lanterns and all sorts of things. Some people gave us garden vouchers.

People could spend as little or as much as they liked easily.

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 13:14:24

I loathe all the puns and platitudes, "grace us with a gift", ugh ugh ugh

reminds me of my stepfather

grubby hand-rubbing leering Uriah-Heapness

saintmaybe Sun 12-Jul-09 13:14:54

What home improvements?

Try to think of some specific affordable things

Say 'Please don't feel you need to bring a present'.

THEN if people ring up and say, oh are you sure, we'd really like to, you can say, well, it's a bit odd, but we did really fancy these curtains, how would you feel about a contribution towards/ voucher for the shop etc?

People do ask for money, and when they do I give some, but agree, it is a bit like selling tickets.

WorldofSab Sun 12-Jul-09 13:20:13

YABU - if I was asked for money in an invite, tbh I would deliberately ignore it and buy what I wanted to buy the couple. I don't like being told what to give.

TimeForMe Sun 12-Jul-09 13:21:49

How about something like this ewItemQQptZUK_Home_Garden_Celebrations_Occasions_ET?hash=item2554ffb55e&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkpar ms=65%3A12|66%3A2|39%3A1|72%3A1686|293%3A1|294%3A50 I wouldn't be offended to receive it.

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