AIBU? Friend not celebrating my pregnancy

[mama29482]

My best friend found out she was pregnant last autumn after trying for a year, I was so thrilled for her, sent flowers the day after she told me the news, made her a pregnancy hamper, showered her with love, checked in on her every day to see how she's getting on. I asked if she'd be happy for me to think about baby showers for her when she's further along and started sharing ideas with her.

Once my friend conceived I told her that I wanted to start trying and she was very supportive. She knew I was holding off for her to get pregnant (I already have a toddler who I conceived with straight away so thought it could possibly happen again). She was fine up until I conceived in the first cycle, due 2 months after her. She seemed in shock that I was pregnant when I told her and I think some of it could be that it was so quick for us vs her journey.

A few months on, despite me still checking in on her almost every day she doesn't ask how I'm doing or return any of the love and support I give her. I don't expect gifts like I gave her but as an example we're planning a meal out as a big group and I asked if she had any cravings or aversions so we could decide around that, but she didn't ask about me. She's the type of person who would normally make a big deal about this (and did for my engagement), so feels like she's consciously not celebrating my pregnancy. This is my best friend of 15 years so I was expecting her to be excited we'd be on Mat leave together and experience this together.

My pregnancy is for me, but AIBU to feel a bit disappointed in her?

[Squirrelblanket]

Yes I think you are being unreasonable. Your reaction to pregnancy sounds completely over the top.

[Cardio101]

You message her EVERY day to ask how she is?
YABU, it’s too much

[ChicCroissant]

This all seems too intense to be true, but assuming it is - maybe she wanted to 'experience' pregnancy on her own?

[GreenLunchBox]

Did you seriously hold off trying because of your friend?🤔 Yes I think you're all being unreasonable

[shouldistop]

You are very OTT, it would make me very uncomfortable if my friends reacted like that to a pregnancy announcement

[middleofthelittle]

You already have a first child and got pregnant first time? What do you want celebrating this early?

She may feel like you've damped her limelight which is ridiculous but a natural feeling.

She may feel like what if she miscarries or has a still birth but your child develops and is born and will be a constant reminder?

I think you went over the top when she told you she was pregnant and then got pregnant that very week?

Neither of you are being "reasonable" but I am on your friends side here.

[LalaMelyn]

You were "holding off for her to get pregnant"

What?!?

[YellowLemonz]

Why did you hold off getting pregnant because of her?!

[ComDummings]

Is this a reverse? Because whoa

[AffIt]

I think your friend is probably feeling somewhat smothered, and maybe you should back off a bit.

She's probably fine, and thinks you are too.

Do you associate love with grandiloquent gestures and very demonstrative shows of communication?

[TooWicked]

You were planning your own TTC around her being pregnant or not, and you're checking in on her every day?

That's waaaaay too intense, too much, too over involved.

[RenGreen]

I’d struggle to be friends with you based on all this…#chill.

[GeorgiaMcGraw]

There's no nice way for me to say this, but you sound a bit intense. I would have been creeped out and overwhelmed if my friend had held off conceiving until I had managed it (and I did have a bumpy road to this pregnancy). The hamper and everything is very sweet, but also a bit odd. Maybe she's worried about "setting you off" as it were and getting you worked up if she talks about pregnancy. Hopefully you can both find a more relaxed middle ground and enjoy your friendship more.

[teaandchocolate1]

It's beyond weird that you were holding off getting pregnant because of her

[MichelleScarn]

@GreenLunchBox

Did you seriously hold off trying because of your friend?🤔 Yes I think you're all being unreasonable

Did she ask you this/tell you to do this? Or did you say you would do it for her off your own initiative?
Either way it's way way over Involved!!

[Tereseta]

She is probably feeling like the shine has been taken off her pregnancy by your news, as unreasonable as that might be. Not being able to get pregnant easily can take you a dark place and make you act in ways you never thought you would. Maybe once the babies are here it will change, just back off a bit and relax

[Enough4me]

OP, time to step back and stop overthinking. If she wants to update you every day that's up to her, not up to you to chase her. If she wants a baby shower (ridiculous events) then let her decide. The pressure from you is immense and you are creating anxiety that cannot be helping you and your family.

[MarbleQueen]

Daily check ins would be a bit much for most people.

[FAQs]

Honestly I wouldn’t be able to cope with you, it sounds like you come from a good place but I’d find you really suffocating and I would also be worried about how intense you’d be once the baby was born. That’s just my views on how I’d take it of course and everyone is different. Maybe she needs to chill out and relax as much as she can and needs space.

[Freecuthbert]

I'm confused why you were specifically waiting for her to get pregnant so you could try for a baby? What's that about? Who plans their families around their friends' pregnancies? Let me get this right, were you purposely trying to get pregnant at the same time as her to experience this "journey" together?

As lovely as your intentions are, it all sounds a bit suffocating to me personally. Also, it sounds like this is your friend's first pregnancy and your second one? So you've been through all this before, why do you need special handholding the second time around? Yeah I understand wanting a bit of support, but it all just sounds a bit intense and needy, sorry.

[Globaluser]

You sound lovely OP and I understand what you’re saying. Maybe just give her some space.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Think you’re overthinking it- however if she’s never asked how you’re doing that’s odd

[Kinneddar]

Your behaviour is totally OTT. She's probably feeling suffocated.

She hadn't 'celebrated' yours. In other words she's behaving normally.,she congratulated. That's normally as much as people do

I was expecting her to be excited we'd be on Mat leave together and experience this together

I'd be terrified you were going to behave as OTT once I'd had the baby & totally take over

Take a step back for goodness sake

[HeadToToesNo]

This is extraordinary.

[Wrenna]

Yabu