Secret Annual Leave

[Millionairesshortbreadshort]

I have leave to take before end of March.

WiBU to not tell DH and go to ‘work’ like normal but instead drive somewhere and walk? Or what would you do with secret annual leave?

Am so desperate to be on my own. I feel like I’ve had so little time away from him. I’m feeling very irritable and time on my own would be so good. Would it be terrible?

[Moancup]

It would be fantastic.

Do you have children? As long as there’s a plan for half term I’d do it.

And if you don’t have children why are you asking!?

[OniferousWasp]

Why can’t you just tell him you’re taking a day off to do something on your own?
Would he insist on coming with you?

I love having days off to go off on my own.

[TooWicked]

I’ve voted YANBU, but I’d be quite hurt and bemused if DH felt the need to hide his annual leave from me.

So I’m guessing there’s a good reason you fell you have to do that.

[CouldBeHere]

I would be honest with my DH that I wanted a day off to myself. He'd tell me to book it and enjoy it. No lying or pretending needed.

[Isthatthebestyoucando]

Take the time but be honest about it.

[SpinsForGin]

Why does it have to be secret?

[notacooldad]

I wouldnt lie and pretend I'm going to work. That's just bats hit crazy at best and deceitful at worse.
Nothing wrong with taking time for yourself though. I do it often. I'm off in two weeks time and having days out by myself. Looking forward to it!

[NewYearEveryYear]

You are absolutely not unreasonable to want a day to yourself.

The only questions are:

What's stopping you from telling your DH?

Secondly, how would you feel if he secretly didn't go go work for the day? Would it make you feel hurt, or even suspicious?

Finally, what happens if there is a dire emergency, and he expects you to be in place A, when you're on fact in place B (terrorist incident, fire in your work building, earthquake, etc. admittedly highly unlikely, but still...).

[AcceptCookies]

I love a day to myself. Or a weekend to myself. But I do just say to dh "I am so in need of some time alone, I can't wait to take a day off and go and do xyz by myself". Can't you do that? No secrecy, just say you're wanting time by yourself?

I'd feel weird about needing to keep it a secret or lie if asked about my day.

[mjf981]

Take the time off. But no need to be secret about it. Tell your DH. I’d be very put out / hurt if the DH pretended to go to work and later I found out he hadn’t

[Mellowyellow222]

Everyone needs some time to themselves - to be self indulgent and spend their time as they please.

Thee is a problem if your husband doesn’t understand this.

[TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER]

I sometimes do this. Book leave, drop DD at school as normal then off I go for a secret day to myself. Do it!

[Blossom64265]

Take your time for yourself, but don’t keep big secrets from your spouse. Just tell him you are taking a few days for yourself. If you aren’t spending significant amounts of money while using your annual leave, it’s non-issue.

[Treesuphooray]

I used tiki e a secret day off! Although I tended to find that DP, who is self employed got home from work rather earlier than he ever said or also took a day off! That was pre kids through and no time to do it these days. Definitely go for a bit of you time, but maybe tell your husband you are planning to take some days off but not necessarily when (in case like my DP he decides to have a day too!).

[HeadNorth]

Why would it have to be a secret from your husband? I genuinely don’t understand.

[HeadNorth]

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER

I sometimes do this. Book leave, drop DD at school as normal then off I go for a secret day to myself. Do it!

Why is it a secret? Why not just say you are taking a days annual leave for yourself? I don’t get it.

[TurquoiseDragon]

If your relationship is good, he won't mind you having time to yourself, I'm sure.

If the relationship is rubbish, as it was with my ex, well, he hated me taking days off for myself because he was trying to live in my pocket all the time, expecting me to devote all my free time to him. I was expected to be his entertainment, constant companion, etc, and I felt smothered. One of many reasons I left him.

Perhaps if you present it as "I have to take some time off or lose it, so I'm doing this (whatever) for myself to recharge my batteries" kind of thing, rather than actually implying or stating you need time away from him, he'll probably be fine with it.

[godmum56]

I too can't understand why it needs to be a secret?

[erinaceus]

There was a thread about this before, I seem to remember. YANBU to want a day to yourself but YABU to take one as a secret. What would happen if you told your DH that you needed a day to yourself and you planned to take a day of annual leave for it?

[BuanoKubiamVej]

Yanbu to take the time off and spend it alone.

If you need to keep it a secret then your marriage is dead and you'd better spend some of the leave sorting out a divorce lawyer. That doesn't happen in a healthy relationship.

I sometimes need alone time. I don't have a problem telling DH that I need it.

[Longingforatikihut]

If you don't have kids I'd invent a conference and go away over night to a lovely hotel.

[Zazdar]

I too can't understand why it needs to be a secret?

Nor me. I take annual leave a do my own thing. Even stay away overnight.

[lechatnoir]

I remember the other thread too. Have a day off but tell DH unless there's a reason you think he'd ruin it/want to join you/be an arse about it.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I think in a healthy relationship you ought to be able to tell your DH / DP this and he should understand. “I need time to myself DP” shouldn’t be perceived as an insult or meaning you don’t like him.

[Blupblup]

I voted YABU but only because there's no need for it to be a secret, surely? Why do you feel you can't book it and be open about having a day to yourself?