When is a gift not a gift?

(96 Posts)
Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 01-Aug-21 22:33:34

Friend 1 and Friend 2 live together.

For Friend 2s birthday Friend 1 makes a pamper box. This includes Friend 2s favourite ice-cream, 2 bars of chocolate, face masks, a big candle, posh crisps. Cocktail making stuff.

Friend 1 is in the middle of making the box when Friend 2 arrives home from work. She gives the gift box to Friend 2, Friend 2 loves it but is a rush as going out for a birthday meal and says thank you. She has plans this Weekend but will do the pamper night ASAP.

Friend 2 goes out and when returns box is in her room.

Next night Friend 2 goes in freezer to find some ice-cream and realises ice-cream from gift is missing. When asked Friend 1 denies the existence of ice-cream before admitting she has eaten it all. Friend 2 is upset this was her gift but Friend 1 says its a joint ice-cream so can be eaten and replaced.

Friend 1 and Friend 2 have the pamper night and enjoy it. Friend 2 sees there are things left over 2 bars of chocolate a face mask and the posh crisps so plans to use them next time they have a pamper session and leaves them with the pamper items in a basket in a shared room.

A few days later she notices the posh crisp have been eaten. Friend 1 says the crisps were never in the gift box. Friend 2 shows her a photo that shows they were in the box and Friend 1 says she didn't mean for them to be and it was a mistake as they were for herself.

Friend 2 then eats 1 bar of chocolate but replaces it and asks that Friend 1 also replaces the crisps when they go shopping.

Is friend 2 unreasonable for being upset that items that were given to her as a gift have been eaten?

OP’s posts: |
Kalvinette Sun 01-Aug-21 22:38:42

This is the weirdest friendship dynamic ever. Whats pampering about eating crisps FFS? Sounds like a lazy present.

TokyoSushi Sun 01-Aug-21 22:40:12

The whole thing is unreasonable, and weird. grin

H8theW8 Sun 01-Aug-21 22:40:45

No. Friend 1 one is a cheeky bitch!

Iwantamarshmallowman Sun 01-Aug-21 22:49:36

Friend 1 is bu. I love a hamper gift but i think shes taking the piss exspecting it to be shared. Friend 2 should lock anything she wants to keep for herself in her own room, a small tub of icecream can be easily hidden under or in a large bag of peas in the freezer.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 01-Aug-21 22:50:51

Kalvinette

This is the weirdest friendship dynamic ever. Whats pampering about eating crisps FFS? Sounds like a lazy present.

Friend 2 was happy with the gift as it showed some thought on Friend 1s behalf

OP’s posts: |
CloseYourEyesAndSee Sun 01-Aug-21 22:51:59

How do you put ice cream in a pamper box? Why didn't 2 put the things in her bedroom especially when 1 is light fingered and greedy?

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Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 01-Aug-21 22:52:38

Iwantamarshmallowman

Friend 1 is bu. I love a hamper gift but i think shes taking the piss exspecting it to be shared. Friend 2 should lock anything she wants to keep for herself in her own room, a small tub of icecream can be easily hidden under or in a large bag of peas in the freezer.

Friend 2 knew it was a shared gift but thought that meant that food items would be eaten together not eaten in her abscence. Is she BU for being upset that food gifted to her has been eaten?

OP’s posts: |
BorderlineHappy Sun 01-Aug-21 22:52:52

@Iguessyourestuckwithme are you friend 2.
If you are I'd be pissed off.
It was a gift and friend 1 is a cf.

CloseYourEyesAndSee Sun 01-Aug-21 22:53:26

How is it a shared gift? Did 1 make 2 a gift for them to do together? That's a bit controlling. And it was weirdly greedy to eat the food items out of it.

Palavah Sun 01-Aug-21 22:54:43

Reasonable to be miffed, but I'd suggest that it sounds like friend 1 has a binge eating disorder and could do with some help. Shaming her for eating the food is probably going to be pretty counter-productive though if raised gently it might be a way to check on her.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 01-Aug-21 22:54:58

CloseYourEyesAndSee

How do you put ice cream in a pamper box? Why didn't 2 put the things in her bedroom especially when 1 is light fingered and greedy?

Because Friend 2 assumed that the food was a gift and that you don't eat food you give as a present.

Friend 2 may be on the Autistic spectrum and have literal thinking.

OP’s posts: |
Fallsballs Sun 01-Aug-21 22:55:32

Friend 1 & 2 should give up on the concept of pamper boxes.

Livingintheclouds Sun 01-Aug-21 22:56:08

If I was arranging a pamper evening for a friend I wouldn’t wrap it up as a gift. I’d say when are you free I’ve got a special evening planned and bring out whatever it is then. I mean who gives ice cream as a gift? But then who complains about a packet of crisps?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal Sun 01-Aug-21 22:57:46

Left over food items from the hamper don't need to be eaten together. You should be free to eat them whenever you want. Your friend should have kept her paws off your pressie!

Blindleadingtheblind Sun 01-Aug-21 22:57:50

I'm guessing you're friend 2.

Why was this a shared gift? If someone made me a pamper basket if expect it to e solely for me.

Also why did you replace a chocolate bar you had eaten? It was yours to eat in the first place (assuming you are friend 2).

Whole premise is nuts.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood Sun 01-Aug-21 22:58:43

I wouldn't give a gift that would also be partly for myself, if I'm giving a gift, then it's for them to enjoy as and when they please so I wouldn't just help myself. If there was something I wanted, then I'd ask. If I was friend 2, I'd be pissed off

Veryverycalmnow Sun 01-Aug-21 22:59:46

Friend 1 was unreasonable. Rude to eat a present meant to be shared. If friend 2 had eaten it on own, not as bad as it was her present.
I don't think it's ok. I'm guessing you're friend 2. Hope you're ok.

Saidtoomuch Sun 01-Aug-21 23:00:51

Are you friend 1 or friend 2?
I think friend 2 needs a new flatmate.

MiddleClassProblem Sun 01-Aug-21 23:01:36

I don’t understand. Surely it was a gift and up to friend 2 if she wanted to share the edible items etc. Otherwise why not just set up a pamper night and get her an added gift?

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 01-Aug-21 23:03:42

I'm friend 2 if it's not obvious.

I know it seems a big over reaction over a bag of crisps but I just wanted to have a realistic answer to whether it's OK to eat a food gift you make someone else.

OP’s posts: |
Merryoldgoat Sun 01-Aug-21 23:04:37

I don’t understand the concept of a shared gift of given by one of the benefitting parties - it’s basically buying some stuff and sharing it with your housemate. It’s a birthday present - why is Friend 1 getting a part of it?

The pamper box sounds oddly entirely ordinary and nothing luxurious so I don’t really ‘get it’.

But in terms of the situation, if I were friend 2 I’d think friend 1 was a twat for eating stuff and lying about it.

aussieosbourne Sun 01-Aug-21 23:05:02

What have I just read? How old are these friends? This is so odd.

I mean, obviously friend 1 is a cheeky fucker and I think friend 2 needs to have a word.

paperandfireworks Sun 01-Aug-21 23:05:37

If I were friend 1 I would definetly have eaten the ice cream and crisps to destroy the evidence of the crap gift.

Saidtoomuch Sun 01-Aug-21 23:09:32

The fact that these are small items is irrelevant really. Your house mate is gaslighting you, if I understand the meaning of the word correctly. She put ice-cream and crisps in the hamper, then claimed they weren't there. She then made you doubt yourself that the hamper was a gift for your birthday and said it was a treat to be shared.

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