To want to get another dog even though I rehomed my first dog??

(107 Posts)
TinkyWinkyGwerth Mon 26-Jul-21 15:57:30

As a teenager/young person I was homeless, as in sleeping rough and living in squats homeless. This was from when I was 17 until I was 23. I also had an addiction. I was given a puppy when I was 18, who grew up to be a large dog and was my absolute rock and best friend.

At 23 I found out I was pregnant, extremely unexpectedly. I went into detox/rehab (baby's father looked after the dog) and then was given a small studio flat at 8 months pregnant (would have been housed sooner but I refused to go anywhere like a hostel where I couldn't take my dog). However, my dog struggled to adjust to living in a house or being left alone. I had no money for behavioural support, I had a c section and a new baby and no partner because he refused to give up drinking and drugs so I wouldn't let him live with us. I couldn't ever leave the dog alone as his separation anxiety was so bad, he literally chewed through doors and the neighbours complained about him howling. He would piss and shit on my bed and the babies bed if we even went in the garden or out to the bins without him. I was told I would lose my flat if there were any more complaints about him howling. I managed for a year to never leave him alone, but then it just got too much. I had PND and just couldn't manage. I rehomed him to an old friend (who already had one dog from the same litter) who was going to live on a farming commune in Scotland, who I knew could give him a good life. It was the hardest thing I've done, harder even than detox. I cry about it even now. This was back in 2002 so pre smart phones etc so I would get the odd phone call update but no photos. I missed him more than I can even begin to explain but at the time I simply didn't have the resources to manage his needs as well as everything else I had going on.

Anyway that was 18 years ago. I'm now mid 40s with a long term partner, we have two younger children (8 and 12), my first child has left for uni (I couldn't be prouder), and I run my own business and we own our home. The time is right for us as a family to get a dog and my children living at home are extremely keen.

I mentioned it on FB last week and had a couple of 'friends' (people I've known a long time but don't really see any more tbh) make quite nasty comments saying i shouldn't get another dog after giving mine up. But I feel like things are SO different now. If I had had the money and my own house and the emotional resources then that I have now, I could have kept him! But then I saw a post on MN today saying basically the same things about a similar situation and I'm questioning myself... Should I really never have a dog again? sad

OP’s posts: |
RandomCatGenerator Mon 26-Jul-21 16:00:13

It was 18 years ago and you have transformed your life. It sounds like at that time you were barely surviving. It’s a totally different situation now.

I wouldn’t think you were unreasonable to get a dog now. And congrats to your eldest on getting into university too after his/her start in life was so tough for you both flowers

Wootothewho Mon 26-Jul-21 16:00:48

Of course you should get a dog & well done on the transformation of your life.

ClumpingBambooIsALie Mon 26-Jul-21 16:01:24

Rehome the old "friends" somewhere that isn't your FB friends list.

Waspsarearseholes Mon 26-Jul-21 16:01:26

Your circumstances are entirely different now. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to give a dog a lovely home. Your children are old enough to know how to behave around a dog and can reinforce positive behaviour training, etc. I can't see a single reason why you shouldn't add a dog to your family. Best of luck and update with puppy pictures if you do get one!

Chesneyhawkes1 Mon 26-Jul-21 16:03:35

Of course you should have a dog now 🐶

Northofsomewhere Mon 26-Jul-21 16:04:07

I don't think a decision you made 18 years ago, in the best interests of both your family and the dog should impact any decisions now. I think if you'd rehomed them just because you got bored and couldn't be bothered with the added stress it might be slightly different but it's still 18 years ago! They're definitely being on the harsh side and tbh unless they were actually good friends who I valued I'd be considering unfriending, they aren't friends who why have them on social media anyway.

As you say, you're in more stable financial and healthy place than 18 years ago and therefore in a better place to take care of a dog even if that dog isn't easy going and has issues around separation etc. Ignore them, consider removing them from your social media and start looking for the right dog for you.

Advertisement

Foobydoo Mon 26-Jul-21 16:04:13

Sometimes rehoming is the best thing for the dog and you made the difficult decision to do this. You also found him a good home.
This is completely different to getting bored and taking the dog to a shelter.
Have a good look at your home situation now, if you feel you can offer a good home go for it and take no notice of what other people say.

joopy79 Mon 26-Jul-21 16:04:17

Be kind to yourself. You did the right thing. You didn't abandon your dog at a rescue, you found a lovely new home for your dog. You put the needs of the dog first.
Get a dog and delete those frenemies from Facebook

CorrieALanus Mon 26-Jul-21 16:04:51

Lose those 'friends'. Seriously. You should be very proud and of course, if it makes you happy and you can care for it, get a dog.

Potatofacey Mon 26-Jul-21 16:05:38

You sound like the kind of person who will offer a dog a wonderful home. You have shown strength, determination and dedication to turn your life around. I hope you get a lovely dog for your family, and are all incredibly happy flowers

Lillypup Mon 26-Jul-21 16:06:14

Aww OP your story made me cry. I have 3 dogs and I love them so, so much it would destroy me if I had to give any one of them up.
You absolutely should get a dog! Well done on how you have turned your life around! Please keep us updated if you do flowers

ZooeyS Mon 26-Jul-21 16:07:17

I was expecting to think YABU but categorically not. You tried to do your best for your old dog despite the circumstances. You were in a completely difference place then. Congratulations on turning stuff around.

Treacletreacle Mon 26-Jul-21 16:07:36

I would be questioning if these people commenting are even your friends. You did all you could for your dog even when you was at rock bottom. I would say get a new dog and remove these people from your friends list.

smalalalalalala Mon 26-Jul-21 16:07:53

Your life is so different now.
You probably did the best for your dog back then.

You could rehome a rescue maybe, to close the loop?

Tal45 Mon 26-Jul-21 16:08:20

You're a completely different person in completely different circumstances. Of course it's not unreasonable to get a dog, it's been 18 years. I'm sure you will be a wonderful owner.

AdelindSchade Mon 26-Jul-21 16:08:48

It's a lifetime ago and it sounds as if you did right by the dog in incredibly difficult circumstances. Give yourself a break now. Just make sure you do your research etc but you know if you can cope with a dog because you've had that experience

GreyEyedWitch Mon 26-Jul-21 16:09:17

Agree with PPs, ditch the 'friends' and get a dig.

Well done on turning your life around!

ParishSpinster Mon 26-Jul-21 16:09:58

Get the dog.

Unfriend and block the old "friends"

Sciurus83 Mon 26-Jul-21 16:13:14

It was 18 years ago! Get the dog, remove the false "friends" and enjoy your walkies!

Bells3032 Mon 26-Jul-21 16:14:45

aw OP. like others said I would lose the friends. At the time you made a very difficult decision in the best interest of your family and the dog in question...you also made sure he had the best life you could. If you had gotten bored of him and just chucked him on the street etc i would say no but that's not what happened. You made a difficult decision and from what you've said it was 100% the right decision.

You've done amazingly turning your life around. You are in a very different position to where you were and it sounds like you were not an irresponsible owner so i am sure you will be responsible with a future dog too.

I say ditch the friends who just seem to remind you of past hard times and get a beautiful dog to complete your family (then come back and show us all pics)

hellcatspangle Mon 26-Jul-21 16:16:21

Your fb friends are arseholes, ignore them! Well done for A. Doing what was best for your dog, and B. Turning your life around. Enjoy your new dog, whatever it may be!

SisterBeaverhausen Mon 26-Jul-21 16:16:57

I think you absolutely made the right decision for yourself, your child and the dog 18 years ago.

I also think you should be able to get a dog now. Circumstances then meant you couldn't have the dog and you weren't selfish enough to ignore it. So I believe you know that you're in the right place now to get a dog.

Rehome those "friends"

SisterBeaverhausen Mon 26-Jul-21 16:17:29

Also you must update this thread with a picture of your new dog 😍

Garfunkle Mon 26-Jul-21 16:18:42

Your circumstances now are completely different to as they were 18 years ago. You were right to rehome the dog at the time. For all your sakes - including the dogs.

Rehoming a pet isn’t popular on MN but sometimes it is for the best. A dog needs a home where it’s “family” have time for him, it’s needs are considered and family life can go on without the dogs for short periods - everyone needs to be able to go out for a couple of hours without the dog upsetting the neighbours.

Years ago I had 3 children under 5. The youngest was 4 months old. DH brought home a puppy. It was never discussed with me. Every day he would go off to work and I was left to deal with the puppy, two children tormenting it and a young baby. I couldn’t take the children out because the puppy would cry. I couldn’t manage. It was unfair on me, my children and the puppy so I rehomed it.

I’ve had several dogs since, when the children were an appropriate age to understand about caring for pets.

There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t get a dog now OP. You live in a completely different world now 💐

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in