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This is a bad reason to reject a potential secondary school, isn’t it?

(192 Posts)
Bvop Wed 21-Oct-20 17:04:19

Went to a virtual open evening at a local girls’ school last night and I very quickly got a gut feeling it wasn’t the right place for DD. The thing that tipped my opinion was that the head of year was wearing an absolute face full of makeup, false lashes, eyeshadow, lips, cheeks and the works, and the head was similar. The head girl was similar but without the false lashes. I know I am judging, and I know things go deeper than looks but also I don’t want my dd to have this as the exemplar during her time at school. AIBU to strike this school off the list of potentials for this reason?

OP’s posts: |
AppleKatie Wed 21-Oct-20 17:05:43

It’s as good a reason as any! Although if the only other option is beruit it gets put in perspective a little.,,

LaurieFairyCake Wed 21-Oct-20 17:16:00


Surely just overdid it for the camera - I've seen loads of people do this to avoid looking like a pale bag of spanner's

Whatwouldscullydo Wed 21-Oct-20 17:18:39

Well girls do do better in girls schools but clearly they aren't for everyone.

Shes a head of year so she surely got there through working hard to train as a teacher and have the extra responsibility of being head of year. What makes you think someone else who doesn't wear make up is better qualified.

I'd assume the head girl earned that position too.

Its possible to be heard working smart and not afraid of getting your hands dirty and wear make up.

Bit if you didn't like it you didn't like it cant change that.

But do think about why you chose to think about a girls school, the extra safety girls who go there have compared to what goes on on mixed schools

MootingMirror Wed 21-Oct-20 17:21:00

I'd be careful. My mum vetoed a school for me that she didn't like and told them very bluntly that I wouldn't be going there - I didn't get consulted. I went to a different school but due to changes in transport had to move to the 'vetoed' school and it was very embarrassing. Personally, I think it's a stupid reason to veto a school but it's not my decision and we have different opinions on many things I'm sure - what does DD think?
FWIW I think schools are ridiculous when they ban makeup (and I was a teacher) - many professional workplaces expect makeup from women so it's absurd to ban it when schools are intended to prepare people for professional life. When many girls wore ghastly makeup when they were 13 and broke school rules, those who followed the rules wore that ghastly makeup at 19 instead and it's definitely worse that way.

RatherBeRiding Wed 21-Oct-20 17:25:01

What other things about the school put you off? The makeup in itself was probably for the camera if it was a virtual open day.

AmelieTaylor Wed 21-Oct-20 17:27:51

Normal make up, fine. Makeup that belongs on a model shoot/magazine cover or pantomime, nope

Not the kind of role models I'd be looking for.

Whatwouldscullydo Wed 21-Oct-20 17:30:47

Not the kind of role models I'd be looking for

On fairness none of us know anything about her. Maybe she's a trained nurse or paramedic or has degrees coming out of her arse.

SimonJT Wed 21-Oct-20 17:33:08

What if you find an ideal school and then a new member of staff starts working there who wears makeup? Will you move your daughter to another school?

bethany39 Wed 21-Oct-20 17:34:44

I wear a lot of make-up, particularly when I'm on camera. I also have two degrees and a very well paying and successful career.

I think you're being a bit shallow tbh in assuming they're not the sort of role models you want for your DD. They won't be her only teachers and there is nothing wrong with wearing make up anyway.

unmarkedbythat Wed 21-Oct-20 17:37:35

It's so sad when women judge other women like this. So dispiriting to think that by wearing more makeup than someone else might, we are viewed so negatively.

zigaziga Wed 21-Oct-20 17:38:44

I think gut feeling is gut feeling..

If you think you have a better option then discount the girls school. You don’t need a “reason” so much as a strong feeling that it’s not the best for your DD. If you don’t have that other than the make up though, I’d try to think again.

I know it shouldn’t but false eyelashes etc make me shudder.

OrangeGinLemonFanta Wed 21-Oct-20 17:38:59

My experience is out of date but when I was at secondary you found there was far less makeup worn by girls at girls only schools. No boys to impress.

DD's TA last year had a full face of makeup, eyeliner, perfect hair. Kindest, warmest person you could imagine and brilliant at her job. YABVU for dismissing these women based on their looks. Perhaps its time to re-examine your own internal prejudices based on how women look?

DDiva Wed 21-Oct-20 17:40:11

It would definitely put me off. But I'd have to put it I the list of pros and cons of all the possible schools. It wouldnt be a deal breaker.

senua Wed 21-Oct-20 17:40:32

They won't be her only teachers
True but they were the ones on display as 'the best a girl can get' which is a bit off-putting.
OP, go and hang around the school IRL. See who/how-much-makeup/what behaviour comes out of the gates at the end of the day.

PlanDeRaccordement Wed 21-Oct-20 17:41:20

Surely your DD is old enough to choose for herself? (Within reason)
Seems a petty reason to reject a school. I’d not care about how they look but more their academic qualifications.

Etinox Wed 21-Oct-20 17:41:49

The head at DDs school was very strict about make up. She was the only one allowed to wear false eyelashes.
Can you see what the girls look like everyday? As pp have said it’s strange covid times and they might have glammed up for Zoom. Make up was a battle I chose not to fight and they both looked like pantomime Dames from year 8-11 .Both DDs are now in their 20s and rarely wear it.

Morgan12 Wed 21-Oct-20 17:42:10

So they wear alot of makeup therefore must be what? A bad role model? A bad influence? What exactly is the problem here?

areyoubeingserviced Wed 21-Oct-20 17:42:59

I think you are being ridiculous and judgmental.
My dd is in the sixth form at a top Grammar.
She achieved mostly 9’s in her GCSEs . She is doing three tough A levels ( including maths and physics). She wears a full face of makeup including false eyelashes.
The headmistress of her school wears a full face. The school is one of the top schools in the country .

SuzieCarmichael Wed 21-Oct-20 17:46:24

Nope you are not BU. Not at all the right kind of image I would want for my daughter. Having said that, it would depend what the other schools on your shortlist were like. If there’s one which is in all other ways just as good then yes, go with that one.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 21-Oct-20 17:46:23

I feel really sorry for parents and DCs trying to get a feel for a new school on the back of a zoom presentation. I don't know how you're supposed to choose. If you were walking round and saw tonnes of motivated, enthusiastic girls then I suspect this wouldn't even have crossed your radar. Alternatively, if the girls were smashing up the science lab, you wouldn't think for one minute it was because the ht was wearing false eyelashes.

All I'm saying is, it's hard to get a rounded impression over zoom.

esmethurst Wed 21-Oct-20 17:51:25

Sorry, what's wrong with someone making a bit of effort with how they look?

I thought women were meant to be able to choose how they look and what they are meant to do.

Not sure a girls school is right for your daughter if you yourself aren't actually wanting women in the position where they have choices over things

JoeCalFuckingZaghe Wed 21-Oct-20 17:54:10

They won't be her only teachers
True but they were the ones on display as 'the best a girl can get' which is a bit off-putting.
Why can't they be the best professionally and wear make up? Am I missing something here?

nosswith Wed 21-Oct-20 17:54:20

I agree with the OP, assuming that there are good alternatives. I feel sad anyone thinks it is necessary and has low self-esteem.

Ginfordinner Wed 21-Oct-20 17:54:32

DD's old HT wore a lot of make up. She was also a rather uncharismatic woman. As a school governor I knew her better than most parents did.

However, she was a good headteacher and good for the school, She dragged up its rather mediocre results up from average to well above average. Don't judge a book by its cover.

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