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Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

(446 Posts)
Unpopularopinion1 Sun 21-Jun-20 19:57:45

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

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ChipotleBlessing Sun 21-Jun-20 19:59:40

Depends what your answers were. Are you a racist? Or a homophobe?

Sparklesocks Sun 21-Jun-20 20:00:07

I think it depends on what the views are?

Absolutely friends can have different views and still get on. But there’s a limit I think.

For example if I found out a friend had quite racist opinions, or felt that women ‘asked for it’ if raped when wearing a short skirt etc, I would struggle to continue the friendship as fundamentally we are too different as people.

Shoxfordian Sun 21-Jun-20 20:00:49

It absolutely depends on what your views are

Are you going to tell us?

ItsmineAllmine Sun 21-Jun-20 20:00:58

Of course friends can have different opinions.

It sounds like you hold a controversial or offensive opinion about something though, for her to have behaved like that. Either that or she is completely ridiculous. What was it about? Think that's key to understanding what's happened here.

SerenityNowwwww Sun 21-Jun-20 20:01:27

ChipotleBlessing

Depends what your answers were. Are you a racist? Or a homophobe?

Why assume the op is in the wrong? The friend could just be bonkers.

chickadeedeedee Sun 21-Jun-20 20:01:29

Context?

violetscone Sun 21-Jun-20 20:01:51

It depends hugely on what the views are. I’m not sure how anyone can answer if you don’t elaborate.

Smarshian Sun 21-Jun-20 20:01:56

It really depends on the subject. I think a difference of opinion on certain subjects eg. racial inequality, child abuse etc aren’t just different opinions but do represent different morality.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned Sun 21-Jun-20 20:02:47

I think you need to tell us what the differences of opinions were.

If it was that you like lemon drizzle cake and she doesn't, then fair enough. But if you are racist or homophobic then I can understand her perspective.

theendoftheworldasweknowit Sun 21-Jun-20 20:03:07

A close friend of two decades ended a friendship with me for similar reasons. We always had one irreconcilable difference, and it eventually came to a head. I don't feel angry about it anymore, I just feel sad. I do miss her.

In our case, we had opposing religious beliefs. One was a devout Christian, the other an unapologetic atheist. In hindsight, we could have both behaved better to save the friendship, but we didn't, and it's too late.

ClosedDoors Sun 21-Jun-20 20:03:18

Completely depends on the topic.

If it's something like anti vax/immigration/homophobia then could be a massive issue.

If it's about a football team or whether you like the same tv show then it would be less important.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 21-Jun-20 20:03:51

As PP have said, it depends on your morals. I've quietly severed friendships with people who had transphobic, homophobic, racist, sexist, bigoted or pro-life points of view. I think your friend is honestly pretty brave to tell you to your face that she disagrees with your views, and challenge you on them.

That is unless your views are reasonable, in which case she's unreasonable.

BlackBucketOfCheese Sun 21-Jun-20 20:04:10

Come on OP let us know what the views are.

SadSisters Sun 21-Jun-20 20:04:17

If your morals are things like ‘I think vegetarianism is more ethical than being an omnivore’ then your friend is bonkers and unreasonable.

If your views are more like ‘All lives matter’ / ‘abortion should be illegal’ / ‘being gay is a sin’ then I can see why your friend doesn’t feel she can continue the friendship.

iano Sun 21-Jun-20 20:05:26

Depends on the issue. You'll have to share if you want ppl to give you a proper opinion on whether yabu.

footprintsintheslow Sun 21-Jun-20 20:05:58

I imagine this is a BLM v ALM issue?

I don't think any friendship is safe just because you've been friends for a long time.

CodenameVillanelle Sun 21-Jun-20 20:07:02

It's interesting how I used to be able to argue and debate with close friends about different opinions such as over abortion rights, religion and women's rights until the trans issue became the hot topic. Now debate is not allowed, and ex-communication is the only response to different views in some quarters. I'm assuming this is the issue?

OP I feel for you. I've lost a couple of friends over this though they weren't close. I have a few close friends I've never raised it with because I fear this kind of response.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 21-Jun-20 20:07:43

Is this about TWAW?

seenbeensbean Sun 21-Jun-20 20:08:45

Is this a taat?

Glowcat Sun 21-Jun-20 20:10:46

People fall out over all sorts of things. Sometimes they’re ghosted and never find out what the problem was. At least you know.

Itisbetter Sun 21-Jun-20 20:10:56

It’s the modern way. Someone doesn’t agree with you block them and cut them out of your life. So many people only want their own views reflected back at them and to live in ever more polarised bubbles of “right thinking”. Lots of people happily declare if you don’t agree with me on this I’m blocking you. I think they think they are behaving in a morally exemplary way and want to demonstrate this.

Redred2429 Sun 21-Jun-20 20:13:35

I agree it really depends on the topic op

Samtsirch Sun 21-Jun-20 20:14:33

It is surprising that you have been close friends for decades and the issue has only just arisen though.

Unpopularopinion1 Sun 21-Jun-20 20:15:01

The initial argument was because I didn’t agree that JK Rowling was transphobic. I would never want a trans person to be treated badly, but I am a women and don’t want to be a ‘person who menstruates’ she blocked me for this opinion. A few days later she unblocked and said she’s sad about ending the friendship, but she can’t be friends with a transphobic racist. I again reiterated I’m not transphobic, and asked how I was racist. She said my “silence about black lives matter was loud” and told her all she needs to know about me. I argued this was unfair and I didn’t see why I needed to post on my private social media with limited followers, but that I’d signed the petitions. She replied saying “ok then tory” despite the fact I’ve never voted conservative. Since then she has been tweeting about it’s always the people you don’t expect who are the biggest racists/transphobes etc. She also screenshot a text I’d sent about the our national debt being higher than the economy since lockdown and how it’s worrying and she tweeted the screenshot alongside the words “Tory mentality: Worried more about the economy than lives. Might as well wish the vulnerable dead” if I’m really missing the mark, educate me, don’t make me feel like a terrible person, embarrass me online and then cut all ties.

OP’s posts: |

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