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Neighbour told my kid off.

(265 Posts)
Shootingstar2918 Thu 26-Mar-20 17:23:38

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

NuffSaidSam Thu 26-Mar-20 17:35:57

If you didn't see or hear what happened, then it doesn't sound like the man was ranting and raving at DS. It sounds like he just spoke to him?

I think you need to find out what happened from DS.

BritishHorrorStory Thu 26-Mar-20 17:38:46

Can you ask your other child what happened?

Spied Thu 26-Mar-20 17:39:24

I do hope you mean the kids are playing out separately and in their own gardensconfused

Inmyivorytower Thu 26-Mar-20 17:42:11

Your children were playing outside, so what did the other children say happened?
Your neighbour has no obligation to talk to you, presumably you haven’t spoken before, and he doesn’t want to speak to you now. In a time of social isolating, perhaps he doesn’t want your son shouting at him when he’s in his own garden and told him so.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 26-Mar-20 17:42:31

You're not sure what happened and didnt hear the guy shouting at your ds.

The guy could have been on the phone, taking a moment of peace from his household, upset or any number of other things, and snapped at your ds shouting at him.

Just keep a better listen out in future while everyone is cooped up and stressed. Its difficult I know, I'm having to keep a closer eye on my kids than I usually do in the garden too. Needs must and all that though.

TheQueef Thu 26-Mar-20 17:43:06

You need to calmly find out what happened first.
Now just isn't the time to start rowing over kids, honestly.

multiplemum3 Thu 26-Mar-20 17:44:34

I'd tell a kid shouting hello at me over my fence to stop as well.

FlamingoAndJohn Thu 26-Mar-20 17:44:54

By playing out do you mean playing in their own gardens or together in the street.

Indicative Thu 26-Mar-20 17:47:46

If your neighbour was perhaps gardening the other side of the fence perhaps your child did not respect keeping 2 metres away from him. I fail to see what the neighbour has to "man up for" and why he owes you an explanation. If he is unaware that your child is autistic he either told a child to keep a safe distance or told off a kid he mistakenly thought was being naughty. Have you contemplated that actually you may owe him an apology ?

Sirzy Thu 26-Mar-20 17:47:55

In the nicest possible way it does sound like perhaps being out there supervising them is still needed

SapphireSalute Thu 26-Mar-20 17:49:05

How old are your kids?

LittleBearPad Thu 26-Mar-20 17:49:25

Have you asked your other child?

PepePig Thu 26-Mar-20 17:49:32

If I was out in my garden and a kid wouldn't stop shouting hello at me, I'd feel compelled to go inside to get away from them, tbh. Would totally ruin my time outside.

Gardens are sacred spaces for everyone. You can't have your kids impacting on everyone else, regardless of circumstances. Everyone deserves a bit of peace and quiet.

HugoSpritz Thu 26-Mar-20 17:51:11

Of course he would hurry back inside when you came out too. He was social distancing!!

Blewbell Thu 26-Mar-20 17:51:23

Everyone is on edge. He doesn't know your kid has autism. I'd just leave it and try to get DS to understand people won't always want to talk. Maybe use social stories to help.

Crackerofdoom Thu 26-Mar-20 17:52:44

I would relax OP.

Do you tell your kids off when they are annoying you?

When my kids are annoying me I tell them to stop.

My kids play out and when they are annoying to the neighbour, the neighbour tells them to stop.

I don't see it as any different.

Obviously if he was aggressive or threatening or used bad language I would intervene but you don't know what was said.

If you don't want the neighbour telling your kids off then you need to supervise them more.

And if you want him to take into account your son's ASD then you should talk to him.

I have made a point to introduce myself and my kids to the neighbours who share garden boundaries with us and have made it clear to the kids that the neighbours should also be able to enjoy their gardens without the zoo of my 3 kids screaming all day at them.

JuanSheetIsPlenty Thu 26-Mar-20 17:54:53

Well what did the man even say? confused you’re becoming all outraged but do you even know what he said? He mightn’t have told him off at all!

FrancisCrawford Thu 26-Mar-20 17:55:00

You don’t know what happened, but think your child may have been up at the fence shouting at your neighbour.

Who may have told him not to shout.

I can’t see anything wrong with that. No reason why neighbour should not have told him off for shouting at him - if indeed the neighbour did.

BeetrootRocks Thu 26-Mar-20 17:55:04

Gardens are small in lots of areas and children have needs too.

So far we've had, they should be banned from supermarkets (irrespective of single parents etc) and multiple threads about how if they must go in the garden they must basically make no noise.

This country has a reputation for not being child friendly and I think it is fair.

Children need exercise and play and laughter and all that but they are way down the list in priority order for many in the UK. I think it's pretty bad tbh.

Seen and not heard and preferably not even seen is the way it goes. No wonder we have such issues with pnd and lack of help for kids living in povery etc etc (even before all this).

Wineislifex Thu 26-Mar-20 17:55:17

I would leave it. Just tell your son not to pester the neighbours in future, not everyone wants to talk to children!

WorraLiberty Thu 26-Mar-20 17:56:05

What did your other kids say when you asked them about it?

Malvinaa81 Thu 26-Mar-20 17:58:53

Your neighbour was within his rights, so maybe your child needs more supervision- then this wouldn't happen.

TerrorWig Thu 26-Mar-20 18:05:51

So you weren’t there, you have no idea what was said or not but admit your son can sometimes shout into the back garden.

Not actually sure what you want? If you don’t know what your son was doing, and you clearly don’t know what he was told off for, and you didn’t hear anything - do you not think maybe your DS was told to be quiet which he has interpreted as ‘told off’?

confused no I don’t think the man should explain to you why he might have told a loud child to stop shouting at him, which is the most likely thing that happened. I think you should explain to your son that your neighbour wants to be left alone.

(Yes I understand he has autism. But it’s your responsibility to teach him he can’t do everything he wants or to supervise him so you can intervene before he gets told off).

Winterlife Thu 26-Mar-20 18:06:17

I'd tell a kid shouting hello at me over my fence to stop as well.

Really? I'd just say "Hello, how are you?" back to the child.

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