Talk

Advanced search

To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

(583 Posts)
blubberball Thu 20-Feb-20 09:11:47

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

Enchiladas Thu 20-Feb-20 09:13:30

Forgive them?? I was smacked by my parents and I am eternally thankful they disciplined me effectively like that.

Nanny0gg Thu 20-Feb-20 09:14:03

Yes I was smacked.

I'm nearly 70 so it was very much the norm.

Nothing to forgive as far as I'm concerned.

JulietTango Thu 20-Feb-20 09:15:11

You don't need to an smack a child for discipline to be effective

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Thu 20-Feb-20 09:15:54

I was smacked as a child, never occurred to me I needed to forgive my parents for it. They were trying to teach me right from wrong in a way that was acceptable at the time

VashtaNerada Thu 20-Feb-20 09:16:05

I was and I do forgive them because I think they genuinely thought that was okay at the time. I would never ever smack my children though, I remember it far too clearly to do that to another person.

IamRhubarbBikini Thu 20-Feb-20 09:17:00

Very much the same upbringing and honestly can’t see there’s anything to forgive. I was disciplined where necessary and given firm boundaries, for that I am grateful if anything.

DartmoorChef Thu 20-Feb-20 09:18:17

I was occasionally smacked. Very very occasionally. I had been given ample warning and still carried on being naughty. I would have been aged between 5 and 8 I think. Generally the 'if you don't behave you will be getting a smack' was enough to stop me in my tracks.

I didn't grow up hating them, or scared of them. I grew up with respect not fear. They were good parents.

Pilot12 Thu 20-Feb-20 09:21:21

Yes and yes, on the occasions that I remember myself and my sister were smacked we had done something very naughty and deserved it (like the day I decided to peel the pattern off the bathroom tiles because I loved peeling stuff and ruined the bathroom decor forever!).

Pilot12 Thu 20-Feb-20 09:21:44

Yes and yes, on the occasions that I remember myself and my sister were smacked we had done something very naughty and deserved it (like the day I decided to peel the pattern off the bathroom tiles because I loved peeling stuff and ruined the bathroom decor forever!).

saraclara Thu 20-Feb-20 09:23:44

I thought less of my mother every time she hit me. It seemed like a loss of control to me. Well it was. She didn't just give me a tap on the leg.

treasurethis Thu 20-Feb-20 09:26:44

I was smacked as a child, I have mixed views.

My mother was as you describe OP, and I don't forgive her. Every single syllable, with marks/bruising often for laughing too loudly or even for something a sibling had done. She'd completely lose her shit and sees no problem with it. Going NC was the best thing I ever did.

However the majority of my childhood was spent being minded by my grandmother who had firm boundaries, taught us everything and she did smack us when 'needed'. I don't remember it with any of the uncomfortable feelings that I do when I think about the treatment from my mother.

I think there is a definite difference between snacking and what some call snacking - which is actually abuse.

HulksPurplePanties Thu 20-Feb-20 09:29:37

Yes and yes. Honestly don't think anything of it, it was always well deserved IMHO. It's the emotional abuse from my mother I struggle with.

FearOfTheDuck Thu 20-Feb-20 09:30:43

I forgive my dad, because he realised afterwards that it wasn't the best parenting method, he talked to me about it, and he never smacked my (much younger) sister.

I can't forgive my mother because her smacking was accompanied by absolute uncontrollable rage, swearing, insults, and threats to call social services to take me as she didn't want me anymore. This was for normal misbehaviour, but I had the perception that I was an unlovable nightmare child until I worked with children as a young adult and saw that I was actually ordinary.

Smacking is wrong, but smacking alone doesn't necessarily cause the most harm, so I do understand previous posters who don't feel they were harmed by it.

AuntieMarys Thu 20-Feb-20 09:30:52

Yes I was. Nothing to forgive in my opinion.

Toddlerteaplease Thu 20-Feb-20 09:31:38

We knew smacking was a last resort, if we'd been really naughty. I am glad they disciplined us properly and would have no problem with smacking my own children (if I had them) My parents were and are wonderful parents.

FearOfTheDuck Thu 20-Feb-20 09:31:43

I forgive my dad, because he realised afterwards that it wasn't the best parenting method, he talked to me about it, and he never smacked my (much younger) sister.

I can't forgive my mother because her smacking was accompanied by absolute uncontrollable rage, swearing, insults, and threats to call social services to take me as she didn't want me anymore. This was for normal misbehaviour, but I had the perception that I was an unlovable nightmare child until I worked with children as a young adult and saw that I was actually ordinary.

Smacking is wrong, but smacking alone doesn't necessarily cause the most harm, so I do understand previous posters who don't feel they were harmed by it.

AuntieMarys Thu 20-Feb-20 09:31:55

Yes I was. Nothing to forgive in my opinion. Hasn't affected me

Toddlerteaplease Thu 20-Feb-20 09:32:03

We knew smacking was a last resort, if we'd been really naughty. I am glad they disciplined us properly and would have no problem with smacking my own children (if I had them) My parents were and are wonderful parents.

ClinkyMonkey Thu 20-Feb-20 09:32:38

I was smacked as a child from time to time. I don't feel I need to forgive my mother as she was just doing what most other parents did back then. My dad was much more scary and he never laid a finger on us.

I do get a bit irritated when my mum claims she didn't smack me - she WOULDN'T do that to a child - revisionist history, I suppose, since smacking is no longer seen as an acceptable form of punishment. I'm thinking inside 'you did smack me', but what's the point of making something out of it?

I saw a man smacking his small son when I was shopping last week. The child didn't react much, but his older sister was extremely upset. It gave me the most awful feeling inside, as if I was transported back to childhood and feeling the utter helplessness I felt then.

Toddlerteaplease Thu 20-Feb-20 09:32:44

We knew smacking was a last resort, if we'd been really naughty. I am glad they disciplined us properly and would have no problem with smacking my own children (if I had them) My parents were and are wonderful parents.

Poetryinaction Thu 20-Feb-20 09:34:49

I was smacked. I was locked in a room. I was ignored.
I could forgive all that if my parents didn't pretend it never happened. They seemed shocked that teaching my kids discipline is a long road. It's not based on fear. They believe they were perfect parents, and constantly allude to the fact that I could do better.

FearOfTheDuck Thu 20-Feb-20 09:34:49

I forgive my dad, because he realised afterwards that it wasn't the best parenting method, he talked to me about it, and he never smacked my (much younger) sister.

I can't forgive my mother because her smacking was accompanied by absolute uncontrollable rage, swearing, insults, and threats to call social services to take me as she didn't want me anymore. This was for normal misbehaviour, but I had the perception that I was an unlovable nightmare child until I worked with children as a young adult and saw that I was actually ordinary.

Smacking is wrong, but smacking alone doesn't necessarily cause the most harm, so I do understand previous posters who don't feel they were harmed by it.

HulksPurplePanties Thu 20-Feb-20 09:35:04

Yes and yes. Honestly don't think anything of it, it was always well deserved IMHO. It's the emotional abuse from my mother I struggle with.

Callimanco Thu 20-Feb-20 09:35:12

I am of the rather controversial opinion that a quick smack (not repeated venting of anger by smacking as you describe) is potentially less harmful than screaming or yelling at a child. Particularly when parents label the child rather than the behaviour (you are such an idiot, rather than that was an idiotic thing to do, eg).
So I don't hold those few smacked bottoms in response to me doing things I had been told not to against my parents. It stopped before I was 5 and I was never slapped, kicked, dragged or pulled all of which are very different in my mind.

They have never smacked my children

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »