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To ask what you are supposed to do

(488 Posts)
drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:00:09

DS has an EHCP.
It's not very good and we have a tribunal coming up.
He has some challenging behaviour. We admit this and we are doing our best.
He moved school in Sept after we looked at 8 new schools, including 4 special schools.
The new school has just permanently excluded him. They have not tried all the suggestions of EP, OT etc and we know this is illegal but it doesn't help with the fact that he now has no school.
They are suggesting he goes to the PRU. I'm sure it's very nice but he has only just started to settle at the new school.
He's 8, in year 3, and loves to play with his teddies. We were told some of the older children at the SEMH schools we looked at had pulled knives on teachers. If there's any child like that at the PRU it will break him.
We both work, I've just been told I can't reduce my hours any further and DH has just started a secondment which will be for a year. The PRU has no after school club. We both have meetings at any/every hour of the working day. Giving up either of our jobs is not an option.
So we can't HE (and we don't want to, and we shouldn't have to, and it would be awful for DS).
What are parents of a child with SEN actually supposed to do? Is the idea that we are both supposed to sit at home with our child and keep him away from other children/schools/the public? Are we not supposed to work? Is the country going to pay us our (fairly high, which is partly why we aren't giving up work) salary for not working?
Note before you suggest it: yes we know we can look at out of area schools. We did, they are included in the ones above. We live quite rurally. We can't move (I have tried to move jobs for years). But we need school for DS NOW. Not in 6 months time after we've moved/fought for a private school place (there are none suitable anyway)/I've lost my job.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:00:55

Title fail!
Should be... If you have a DC with SEN.

Tatty101 Sat 11-Jan-20 11:04:08

Sounds like a really tough situation! What does the headteacher of his most recent school suggest?

The state obviously wont pay you your wages - it's your child at the end of the day not theirs - but they 100% have to offer educational provision that suits your child. Is the main issue with the PRU the fact that there may be children with issues different than your son's or is it the childcare angle?

spanieleyes Sat 11-Jan-20 11:07:36

Was the school he was excluded from a special school or a mainstream school? If mainstream, you might need to look again at special schools rather than PRUs

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:11:21

The HT says the PRU; it's mainstream.
We've looked at all special schools in travelling distance and others that are too far.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:12:33

But also, if we wanted a private special school, we are talking months to get the LEA to agree. There's one that might be good for secondary but he's in Y3.

CakeandCustard28 Sat 11-Jan-20 11:13:07

My son has an ECHP. He’s currently in mainstream however won’t be attending mainstream senior school. We was told we could use his ECHP funding for a home tutor.. I would go down the route of looking into local SEN schools though and applying there first. If he has DLA you can go down the carers route, yes it’s a massive drop in money but if you have no choice the option is there.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:16:49

We've looked at all the local (one) and non local (three that do SEMH) special schools. There are no others.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:18:25

I would be losing tens of thousands per year i.e. hundreds of thousands of pounds that we could spend on our DCs, private therapy, assessments, things they NEED, if I lost my job.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 Sat 11-Jan-20 11:45:57

Why specifically has he been excluded, when you say challenging behaviour what does that mean?

Without some insight into the level of support the school/learning provision would need to provide its hard for anyone to offer any suggestions.

For all we know, the challenging behaviour is harmful to other pupils and it's right that the school would say they are unable to continue to risk their other students.

SanAntonio Sat 11-Jan-20 11:47:16

You will get travel to the special named on the EHCP.
I work a lot with SEMH specials - I have never seen or heard of a knife at primary - that sounds like scaremongering

A lot of new SEMH specials are opening through the Free School LA led wave 1 and 2 specials- have you checked if any are near you?

Independent (private) specials are very variable. With the expansion of LA commissioned SEMH provision some will be vulnerable in the future.

Where do you live?

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:50:22

He is aggressive, he's hit teachers (but they handle him badly, crowd him, aren't trained in restraint) and pushed children (mainly when he's worked up and they have failed to isolate him).
Transport is irrelevant, he gets sick when he goes more than about 4 miles and the schools are all unsuitable anyway.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:50:46

I'm not saying where I live, sorry. North of England, rural.

FraglesRock Sat 11-Jan-20 11:52:47

If possible could you share more on his behaviour and why he was excluded.
Re the ones that are too far, they helpfully might take so long to drop him home that it's the same as asc.
Could you and dh sort hours so one starts early and finishes early and the other opposite...

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:53:33

We have looked at, rung, or ruled out all special schools in our county and two neighbouring counties. Most are secondary, MLD or PMLD (or a combination) anyway.

FraglesRock Sat 11-Jan-20 11:53:58

There is an excellent sen board on here. I'd ask for this to be moved.
An op recently posted and got great advice about overturning a possible exclusion. So they'll tell you if what's happened is legal.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:54:11

The schools that are too far are unsuited as well.
See above re behaviour.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:54:53

I'm a regular on the SEN board. I want this in AIBU because everyone needs to know what's going on.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:55:29

I know it's illegal. Our solicitor agrees. Tribunal takes 6 months.

SanAntonio Sat 11-Jan-20 11:56:29

A lot of these are approved for SEMH- not all

They will open in 2021 probably.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:59:00

Could you and dh sort hours so one starts early and finishes early and the other opposite...
DH commutes and we both have meetings that can't be outside "core hours". I can't just work till 3 - I've already been told that. We can't call clients at 7 am nor can we rock up at 10 every day.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 11:59:49

We aren't in one of those areas, and he needs a school on Monday, not in 2021!

SanAntonio Sat 11-Jan-20 12:03:03

We aren't in one of those areas, and he needs a school on Monday, not in 2021!

But he will still need a school in 2021

You have turned down all local specialist provision as unsuitable? Have they said that you will be able to get a place at one of these?

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 12:03:41

There is ONE local specialist school which is for learning disabilities.

drspouse Sat 11-Jan-20 12:04:12

What do we do with him for the rest of 2020 if there is a new school in a year's time?

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