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To be fed up of DH’s sleeping habits

(96 Posts)
Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:08:47

DH and I (both early 30s, no DC) work FT and return home around 6pm. After dinner he’ll head straight to the sofa to watch TV. After I’ve pottered about getting myself ready for bed, I’ll find him fast asleep on the sofa by 8pm in his work clothes...same routine every night. Good conversation and sex in the evening goes out the window. DH doesn’t wake properly again until the morning, but will stumble half asleep in to the bedroom in the middle of the night and get in to bed in his work clothes. I wake up most mornings lying next to him still wearing his shirt, belt, cuff links, socks and suit trousers, which I find very unpleasant, unattractive and unhygienic. He does shower in the morning and change in to fresh clothes.

I’ve told DH numerous times how I feel and have suggested he get changed in to lounge wear before or immediately after dinner to stop it happening. DH says he doesn’t want to get changed straight away, he wants to “relax” first on the sofa (leading to him falling asleep). Ive tried waking him up when I’m going to bed to try and get him to get changed and come to bed but he’ll still be half asleep and will refuse to change because he’s “too tired”.

I have spoken to DH multiple times who feels I am being totally U for being bothered by something so trivial and should leave him to it. AIBU for being fed up? Surely no woman would want to sleep next to her DH fully clothed from his working day every night?! hmm

SomewhereInbetween1 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:14:35

I think he needs to see his GP if he's falling asleep that early, that regularly. I occasionally fall asleep by 8.30pm ISH but that's because of hypothyroidism. There may be something else at play here making him this tired.

Drivemecrazy1974 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:18:36

I wake up at 4.30 or 5am most mornings, so, I'm pretty knackered by 6pm, I still make sure I'm in my 'lounge wear' and wouldn't dream of falling asleep in my clothes, that just seems wrong.
I agree with the PP that he needs to see his GP, it's not normal to be that tired all the time - especially to the extent that he can't even be bothered to change.
Plus, he'd actually feel better rested if he got into his pyjamas and went to bed at, for example, 9pm. Getting into a routine sounds like it would benefit him - and you.
It sounds really detrimental to your relationship to not even sit and chat in the evening!

Daffodil2018 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:18:44

What a weirdo! Who sleeps in their work clothes? And I agree no one in their 30s should be passing out at 8pm every night from sheer exhaustion.

BeanBag7 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:20:35

What time does he go to work in the mornings? Unless he is getting up at 3am, this is not normal. If he is so tired he falls asleep at 8, is too tired to change in pyjamas and brush his teeth, and then sleeps until 6/7am, he needs to talk to the GP.

What time does he go to bed at weekends?

Biancadelrioisback Tue 15-Oct-19 08:23:16

I must say I don't understand what you don't like about it. I'm completely indifferent to what DH wears (or doesn't) in bed. But that's me.
Can you elaborate a bit more on why you don't like it?

Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:23:32

Thanks everyone.
I should point out that he has been to his GP and seen specialists as a result of my insistence that he sleeping routine isn’t normal, all tests have come back fine. If we are out for the evening, he has no problem with feeling tired. It seems as soon as he sits on the sofa, he’s asleep instantly confused

ShippingNews Tue 15-Oct-19 08:25:02

He certainly needs to see the doctor if he is that tired . Something is really wrong ! Make him an appointment and insist that he goes. I'd take some pictures of him asleep in his day clothes to show the doctor , too !

Nextphonewontbesamsung Tue 15-Oct-19 08:25:17

Aren't you more worried about someone in their 30s who needs 10 or 11 hours sleep per night? That's not normal! He should see his GP.

Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:26:19

@Biancadelrioisback perhaps just me then, but it doesn’t feel right being next to someone in bed who is fully clothed from work. Leather belt and suit trousers brushing against me in the night is just yuk shock I also imagine it to be very uncomfortable for DH too, though he says not. Personally I can’t relax until I’m in my home clothes!

Nanny0gg Tue 15-Oct-19 08:29:52

Well now it seems like habit and he's not even trying.

Does he care how you feel? (And do you have a spare room?)

MarkinTime Tue 15-Oct-19 08:30:57

I would be directing him to the spare room. He could sleep in a full suit of armour then if he wanted.

Biancadelrioisback Tue 15-Oct-19 08:31:51

It very well may just be me (and I suppose your DH!). I go through phases of wanting to sleep in my PJs and dressing gown in bed if I'm feeling snuggly, occasionally I'll wear one of my hoodies but I don't have specific bed hoodies. Once they have been in bed one night though they become bed hoodie until they've been washed again. I'd hate it if DH tried to stop me being comfortable in my own way (not saying you are but maybe this is how your DH is feeling?)

How long has this been going on?

Beveren Tue 15-Oct-19 08:31:58

FFS, how difficult is to change out of work clothes into PJs? It would take him all of 5 minutes. Tell him to stop being so precious about his relaxation, it won't kill him to change just before or after eating given that he's got to wake himself up to have dinner anyway.

If he really is having 11 hours sleep every night and is still too tired to change, he needs to pursue things with the GP despite the test results.

Beveren Tue 15-Oct-19 08:33:45

I'd hate it if DH tried to stop me being comfortable in my own way (not saying you are but maybe this is how your DH is feeling?)

Seriously, who feels comfortable in bed wearing a shirt with cufflinks, suit trousers and a belt?

YoureAQuizardHarry Tue 15-Oct-19 08:33:47

That is so weird

Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:34:18

He usually wakes between 5am/6am so although he gets a lot of sleep, I wouldn’t say it’s crazy amounts. It’s more the sleeping pattern and habit of falling asleep in his clothes that I can’t stand.

Biancadelrioisback Tue 15-Oct-19 08:35:44

Seriously, who feels comfortable in bed wearing a shirt with cufflinks, suit trousers and a belt?

Well obviously he does or he wouldn't do it every night...

gamerchick Tue 15-Oct-19 08:36:10

I have my own bedroom so that isn't an issue. Husband does fall asleep on the settee early though and it is bloody irritating.

If you have a spare room then ask him to go in there... Or stay on the settee if he wants to stay fully dressed. That has to be uncomfortable for both of you, not to mention outside stuff that's been picked up on clothes being spread all over the bed.

Ce7913 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:38:13

Is he overweight? Does he snore or snort or 'start' awake? Has he been evaluated/had a sleep study done for sleep apnoea?

Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:40:39

@Ce7913 no he is not overweight and is very healthy diet wise. Sleep apnoea ruled out.

Lllot5 Tue 15-Oct-19 08:41:55

So he’s getting a good ten hours a night? He really shouldn’t be so tired he can’t even take his clothes off.
Might be worth returning to the dr.
Unless of course he’s doing it on purpose. Avoiding you.

Ugzbugz Tue 15-Oct-19 08:46:06

I'm always tired but who knows why, but if I was to lay down on the sofa I could probably fall asleep really early every night, hes just one of those people that nods off as soon as hes relaxed, but yep would drive me mad and the sleeping in clothes would. What is he like at the weekend?

@Biancadelrioisback you absolutely cracked me up 😂😂😂😂😂 you have a very good point 😂😂😂😂😂

NurseButtercup Tue 15-Oct-19 08:47:18

I'm going to offer practical advice that worked for me. Try and encourage your DH to take vitamin B12 to increase his energy levels every morning with breakfast. Aim to reduce the amount of carbs you eat with your evening meal.

I would also try and encourage a post-dinner activity that doesn't involve sitting & watching TV and gets you off your devices such as; a brisk 20-30 minute walk, go to the gym, go to the cinema, play a game of chess, jigsaw puzzle etc.

Good luck

Winterriscoming Tue 15-Oct-19 08:50:59

@NurseButtercup thank you, all good advice.

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