Dad smacked my son

[Jlpwife]

Hi first time posting. Sorry if its long. I feel like I have no one to actually talk to and I am really upset.

When I was a child my mum left when I was little, she took two children with her and left two behind. Over the years the kids would swap which parent they was leaving with, it was horrible as I had a horrible childhood because which ever child lived with my dad he would smack, starve and beat us up (we never told anyone) he did it so no one knew. When my mum eventually found out what my dad was doing to us she got us from his house. I moved to my mums then after a few years I couldn't stand living with her so I choose to live with my dad again even if it meant he beat Me, to my surprise he was a changed man (that's what I thought) he was nice, loving and never layed a hand on me.

I got pregnant 3 years ago, as it was my first time pregnant they asked alot of questions, they found out what my dad was like when I was a child. The social workers got involved and put paperwork in place so my dad could still see my son but under supervision- me or my husband has to be there.

So about three weeks ago we went out for our usually Wednesday visit, my son is 2 half now and can be a bit of a handful in town. We was all there me, my dad, my son and two month old daughter. We all went back to my dad's, my son was running room to room.

My dad has toys on a lots of shelves and he hates my son touching them, I won't tell my son off for touching them as they are toys and I aint confusing him as it isn't far on him.
I was feeding my daughter and my son was in the kitchen with my dad only because he was running in and out the living room like he had ants in his pants, we heard my dad tell him off for touching something next minute we all heard a smack. Then my son came to me holding his head. my dad hit my son.

I remember that sound. I thought I'd give him a chance to explain so I asked my dad why my son is holding his head. He said he hit is head on a box in the kitchen, it was definitely not in the kitchen.
I stopped speaking to my dad and he text me a week later I ignored him then I finally texted him back explaining why I haven't been speaking to him, he texted back with a different story to what he explained what happen when I asked him on the day, he now saying my son hit is on a a tray when he tried grabbing it off him and then he said he hit on with the tray when he was taking it off him. I haven't spoken to him since as his story keeps changing. I know hand in heart he smacked my son around head, just like he did when I was little.

now my sisters are trying to make me speak to him again, I can't. Since it has happened I have been having flash backs, I haven't stopped crying since
My sisters are on his side, saying I should apologise and speak to him again. I have just found out I aint allowed to go to my sisters wedding and she doesn't want to see my children as she will find it hard to spend time with them and then see my dad. Can't believe they are choosing him after everything he has done. Past and present
Really sorry for the long story. I'm so upset 😭

[emilyzbx]

You have had a similar childhood to mine, I'm going to tell you now, don't give two shits about your sister or your father.

Your son will lose his trust in you if you keep exposing him to people that hurt him.. abit like your childhood right?

Don't give them a second thought, protect your child's emotional and physical health. They are not worth it.

[Polydactyly]

As much as I think you should have controlled your son better and not decided to not tell him no to touching your dads things, he has hit a 2 year old round the head.
I would be reporting that and never seeing him again and I’d be angry at your sisters for acting as though that’s okay.
In fact, for the safety of your kids I’d cut out anyone who supports child abuse.

[SmellbowSmellbow123]

No it isn’t right that your dad did this. Protect your child, reduce contact if necessary.

My dad has toys on a lots of shelves and he hates my son touching them, I won't tell my son off for touching them as they are toys and I aint confusing him as it isn't far on him

Don’t let your child touch your dads property if you know it’ll annoy your dad. They are his things regardless of what they are. You won’t confuse your child by teaching him not to touch other people’s belongings.

[NearlyGranny]

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Perhaps your sisters have normalised your father's behaviour; perhaps they are his 'flying monkeys' It doesn't matter.

Your fatgr has shown his true colours. He hit a 2yo on the HEAD, perhaps even with an implement, even while you were in the house supervising as best you could.

No more contact between them, no engaging with anyone who tries to tell you different, no guilt.

You have put you child's well-being first and that was 100% the right thing to do. These behaviours get passed down the generations but you have broken the cycle for your child. Well done.

[Beesandcheese]

Protect your child. Tell your siblings (all of them) that is what you have to do. You're doing the right thing.
If he had smacked and been apologetic then maybe there would be a way forward. But this covering up and manipulation of others is inexcusable. He cannot be trusted.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

We had a small visitor recently, we move everything we didn't want touching because that's the sensible option. I wouldn't be able to see a parent who had slapped my very small child on the head. Keep standing up for your son, he's your priority.

[hammeringinmyhead]

Tell your sisters, frankly, to fuck off. You are protecting your child who is still only a baby really.

[SellmeyourMLMcrap]

They were your family, now your boy is your family. Tell them to get to fuck if they want you to get friendly with your dad again. If they want you to choose between your Sons safety and their shitty version of happy families then it's not really a choice is it?

Your sister is well within her rights to uninvited you to her wedding, that's a shame as extended family will be there but it sounds like it will be a blessing not having her in your life anymore.

To be blunt, your sister is a cunt and your father in an abusive prick who doesn't deserve your tears.

[LagunaBubbles]

Your Dad is completely on the wrong. Up to your sisters to choose to have a relationship with him if they want, you don't need to. I would encourage you not to to protect your child. But teaching him not to touch other people's possessions is a good thing to.

[EmeraldShamrock]

OP you're 100% right to stop contact with this man.
I am sorry you had an awful childhood.
Personally I'd call the police take back control.
If you need people to talk with post here, your sister is nasty but she is probably brain washed to what's acceptable from the abuse.

[FizzyIce]

As much as what your dad did was wrong if he actually did hit your child ,you should have told your son not to touch your dads things ,especially as you know what he’s like so part of this is on you .
Whether you talk to your dad again is up to you but you need to take some responsibility as much as your dad does

[nottodaysatanlucifer]

Was your husband there? Why did he not intervene?

[LittleLeaps]

I don't agree with smacking at all but to smack a child on the head is unforgivable, let alone smacking a child on the head so hard that it can be heard in another room! You do need to put your son first I know it will be hard and cause a lot of hurt and heartbreak, but your son can't protect himself that's your job and you are absolutely doing the right thing.
Don't give in to your father and your sisters (and by the way your sisters cutting your children out over something beyond their control is absolutely disgusting behaviour and if that is the type of person they are then your son is better off without them).

[littlepaddypaws]

you need to teach your ds boundaries regarding other peoples things, your dysfunctional family need to sort their own rubbish out and you need to keep your ds safe and away from them, you're his mum it's your job to keep him safe. don't let history repeat itself.

[Sohololopopo]

Fuck your sisters and your dad. Get into therapy now. You haven’t had a perfect family set up, and you can’t long for it. You can’t keep having a relationship with abusers expecting things to turn rosey. You can however give your son what you never had. Since your father tried to abuse your son like he did you and your sisters many years ago, there is no room for forgiveness OP. I’ve went NC with my father for a lot little than this. Please, please do not expose your child to these monsters. Protect him. Be the adult you wish you had.

[Chillyourbeans]

OP part of this is NOT on you. Your father, an adult, chose to hit a very small child. His choice and his responsibility, just as it was his choice to abuse you as a child. Yes, absolutely teach your child not to touch someone else's possessions, but you are in no way responsible for this man's violence. Protect your children and cut this pathetic excuse for a parent and grandparent out of your lives.

[LadyAndiBella]

You let your son touch your dads property so maybe don't let him do that in future?? You should have told ds not to touch other people's property so yabu op

[OpportunityKnocks]

You are doing the absolute right thing protecting your child. He doesn't need any more chances. He lied to you about what happened, you know you cannot trust this man. He should feel lucky he even had the opportunity to be part of your life!

If your sisters want to get involved, then more fool them. Make it clear that you bare them no ill will, but you have every right to be angry about your past and that you know that your father hit your son and lied about it. They should know that he cannot be trusted and now you are continuing to protect your child from the same man you were fearful of.
You could tell them how disappointed you are in them after everything that's happened as children that you won't even stay neutral, when they know as well as you how he has been. for you xxx

[OMGshefoundmeout]

Ignore your dad from now on. What he did was out of line and if you forgive him and move on he will more than likely do it again.

But also teach your son that if he is in someone else’s house/shop/restaurant etc then he doesn’t touch other people’s things without their permission no matter how appealing they look. It won’t confuse him to learn that, it will be a valuable life lesson.

[nuttynutjob]

You're dad is gaslighting you.

You need to break the cycle of abuse for the sake of your son.

Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) - are emotional blackmails and you need to recognise these. I recommend the Stately Homes thread in Mumsnet.

[56Marshmallow]

My mum was abusive to myself and my siblings. It will be a cold day in hell before she has any form of contact with my children and my siblings' children. So, be strong and cut him off.

However, you are asking for trouble by not starting to enforce simple discipline in you child. At 2 and a half, they are old enough to be gently taught "we don't touch other people's things" even if they are toys. If he was 1 then I'd say different but at 2.5 they need to start being told what the rules are.

[MeredithGrey1]

You let your son touch your dads property so maybe don't let him do that in future?? You should have told ds not to touch other people's property so yabu op

I agree that he should be taught about respecting other people's possessions but that does not in any way excuse hitting a toddler on the head!! You are definitely not being unreasonable OP!

Your sister's decision is her decision, you're not responsible for it and it's not your fault. All you can do is stick to the decision you made to protect your son.

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

Your main priority here op has to be your son (and daughter). This man has assaulted your child, and you need to do everything to stop that happening again. It’s perfectly fine to say to your sister “dad hit my child. I will not be visiting again, and I don’t want to discuss it”. And repeat. If you’re tempted to give in just think what social services would say if they heard you were putting your children at risk in that way. Is this man worth losing your children for? Of course not!
As a pp said, perhaps consider some counselling to help you deal with your own childhood.

[FatArse123]

A lot of twatty responses here. You are not responsible for the fact that your father hit your child, he is. You're doing well keeping your child away from him. Hold that bundary.