Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

[MikeUniformMike]

Block the number.

[Kittykat93]

Sorry no advice but watching for the replies! I have a friend who texts me multiple times a day about nothing and will check up on me with repeated messages if I don't reply.

I have text back sometimes saying I'm fine I just don't always feel like texting but they haven't got the hint.

I hate to hurt people's feelings but it really is very irritating

[comedycentral]

Block her and tell her you have changed your number?

Or deal with it professionally and tell her that you need to keep your homelife and work life seperate so no more texts.

I'd many speak to a senior in confidence as she sounds a like she may be over obsessed with work.

[eladen]

If you can't say no what are we supposed to do?

[AllThatGlistensIs]

Just block her

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

Don’t answer, if she asks you about it the next day, say you CBA talking about work out of it, or you went to badminton or the pub with friends whatever. If you ignore them every night she’ll stop. She sounds lonely.

[sonjadog]

Silence the phone, don't answer until within working hours the next day.

[Sparklesocks]

Just don’t reply, maybe you could mention in the office ‘oh i just remembered your message from last night, sorry I’m not much of a texter so probably best to ask me in the office if you need something’

[Zoflorabore]

This would drive me crazy op... if it continues at this rate the options I would think of are A- speak to her and tell her it’s too much, you’re busy at home etc etc and see if she takes the hint or B- change your number. Extreme I know but some people really don’t listen.

Is she lonely or depressed and needs an ear? Not that it’s your problem but just wondering what triggered this intense level of contact. Good luck.

[eladen]

Learn to be assertive.

Learn to say no.

Be pissed off at yourself for not being assertive. Use that to motivate you to do the first two.

[morrisseysquif]

Ask her to stop?

[ShirleyPhallus]

Don’t block her! That is so weird

Just ignore the messages and if she asks you why you don’t reply say you don’t check your phone in the evening so best not to text you as you won’t reply

[Comefromaway]

Block the number and tell you disable notifications in the evenings apart from immediate family for emergencies.

[summ]

Yes she will also often check I received the message and follow it up the next day if I don't reply. I've never dealt with this before, yes she is lonely I think but has friends outside of work that she mentions and meets up with so not like she has no one. She texts more than my partner does who works away! I am just going to just stop being afraid to come across rude and stop replying and tell her I'm really bad at texting but I really don't see it making a difference! Wish she would find somebody else at work to be like this with!

[FuzzyPuffling]

Don't reply..but what does her age have to do with it?

[sonjadog]

If you keep replying and haven't asked her to stop, I don't think she can be blamed for not realizing that you don't want to text in the evenings. She probably thinks you like doing it too.

[Heymummee]

I often turn my phone off in the evening or at the weekend. I would just tell her you have phone free time and that’s why you didn’t reply. She will soon get the message.
If it’s on WhatsApp you can hide your status and not appear online or show anyone when you were last active. If it’s imessages you can stop sending read receipts just to her.

[summ]

@FuzzyPuffling because she seems desperate to be my best friend and personally I find it a bit strange given the age difference. She has in the past asked me to meet up outside of work I said I was busy though.

[melj1213]

Any time she texts about work stuff have a standard reply eg "I dont know XYZ offhand and I'm off the clock. Ask me in the office tomorrow" or "I'm trying to keep work/life separate so I'm not answering work questions outside of the office"

As for the other texts - depends what they're about and whether she's texting expecting a constant text conversation or would be happy with a couple of texts back and then a "Sorry, busy with family dinner now, talk tomorrow". Occasionally ignoring messages with a "Busy night here, no chance to talk" message later should be enough to keep the relationship civil but put some boundaries in.

[bibblybop]

I agree with ShirleyPhallus. I have a colleague who does this too- sends me silly memes (that aren't funny), links to items I personally would never buy (disney homeware trinkets- she's nearly twice my age!) and general work stuff as well. If I don't reply she'll just keep messaging and brings it up at work, hurt that I never respond. I just ignore her messages and snipes and tell her that I'm just not one for checking my phone/my partner and I try not to be glued to our screens all evening. I've also said that I want to keep work separate and I'm not paid to care about x,y and z when I'm at home but I'll happily discuss it when I see her at work.

[summ]

There been many times where I haven't replied and there has been around 5 messages at one point which I haven't replied to. It's too much.

[Jeezoh]

Just reply back, every time, with “Can we pick this up at work tomorrow, I’m trying to make sure I seperate my work and home life from now on” - insert smiley face if you want to soften it a bit

[NoddyAndBessie]

"Look, I talk and listen to you during the day because I'm paid to. I'm not doing it unpaid"