AIBU to tell my OH’s parents to go and F themselves?

[WillowPeach]

Oh I am so tempted to, but in the spirit of being civil, I have this far refrained from doing so.

Back story, OH and I are getting married in 2 years. We’ve chosen a weekday because it’s £5000 cheaper and will be our 10 year anniversary so a very special date. Long story short, his parents fell out with us over it.

We’ve not spoken for almost 9 months. His Dad last week tapped him on the shoulder and asked if they could talk. Great, I thought, maybe we can finally move past all this. His Dad got upset and apologised for their behaviour.

So today I’ve just sent this to his Dad...

Hi ‘name’, I just wanted to say that I’m glad that you’ve spoken to ‘name’ at the match. I know we’re not there yet, but I hope in time we’ll all be able to put this period behind us. Life is too short for all this falling out and it hangs like a heavy weight around the neck, I’m sure you and ‘name’ (MIL) feel the same. I know our wedding day is an odd one, but we’d really love it if you and ‘name’ would be able to join us to celebrate our special day and be a part of our bridal party. ‘Name’ (OH) and I very surprisingly happened across a suit which he loves enough to wear it on the big day so we went ahead and bought it as seasons will no doubt change and it will go out of stock. We’ve found another one in the same range but similar in style that we’d like the bridal party men to wear. So I’m just wondering if you’d like to celebrate with us and send over your typical suit sizing so we can pick them up in case the ranges change. Hope you’re doing ok. We miss you both xx

He sent this back...

I've put on weight since I got my last suit. Where are you getting it from and do they measure you.

So I said...

‘Name’ (OH) has bought one that is a little snug as he intends to lose a little weight. The brand is Marc Darcy bought from Lambretta in the ‘Location’. They’d measure you if you asked I’m sure x

He said...

Ok cheers. What colour.

So I sent him a picture of it that is taken yesterday

He replies...

I'd have to go down and get measured.

I replied...

Ok no problem x

Nothing else at all from him. I’m getting vibes that it’s an inconvenience, he’s not that fussed that and honestly I’m a bit peeved that I feel like I wore my heart on my sleeve and he totally pied it.

So I said...

Am I being presumptuous in saying that it’s likely you’ll come? X

ARRRGH it’s like drawing blood from a stone. I respected that he’d reached out to my OH at the football game so I thought he’d appreciate me reaching back out to him (FWIW I didn’t have any cross words with him when the issue happened, it was my OH that did). Am I being paranoid or is he giving the impression that he doesn’t want to be there? I don’t get it, it’s his only son getting married, we’ve not asked them for a penny, we only wanted them to be happy for us and celebrate our day. But I feel like it’s just been a complete inconvenience for them just because of the day of the week. Thoughts please, I feel very frustrated and sad

He read that last message over an hour ago and still not responded. I can get the hint but it’s no less hurtful.

[CacenCrunch]

It's too easy to get the wrong impression from a text. A phone call would be better, or let DP deal with his own parents

[Gruntvsgunt]

I’m not sure how he is giving the impression he doesn’t want to be there. He has said he will go and get measured for a suit to wear. What more did you want?

[Moominfan]

He might not be much of a talker op. That was a lovely message you sent by the way. Glad your all making an effort to clear the air

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

Never break up or make up on a text! Way too easy to read the wrong thing into it.

For what it's worth he doesn't seem arsey to me. He's just focused on the practical task of getting the suit rather than the emotional part of making up with you.

[Redshoeblueshoe]

An hour ago, and you think he's hard work

[Boyo7]

I don't think you should've sent the final text, he doesn't seem to be being arsey. Just leave it now, ball is in his court and all that.

[seven201]

Sounds like he's just not much of a texter and/or able to talk about feelings. I read from his messages that he'll go and get measured soon. I think your last message was a bit unnecessary and if any chasing needed to happen it should be oh doing it, not you.

[NoBaggyPants]

Many people don't do big fluffy texts like you seem to, they use it as a brief form of communication. His responses are fine, there was no need to send the last message and I'd have ignored it too.

Chill out. They've said they're coming and he's going to sort his suit. There's no need to say anything else.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’s his dad, who he had a falling out with, and about man suits for your wedding. Why are you even involved with it?

Leave them to it!

[ChicCroissant]

He's not giving the impression he won't turn up, no. Stop hassling him about the suit. It is impractical to buy clothes 2 years in advance, sizes may change! He doesn't have to respond immediately and you sound a little intense expecting him to do so.

Midweek weddings are inconvenient if they require a day off work - or more, if they are not local. Trying to get them to agree with you on this point is not really a good use of your time and energy and there is another two years to go!

[Gobbolinocat]

He sounds like he maybe a little sulky but that he is keen and does want to go, he's asking about the suit. He wouldn't be if he wasn't interested.

I'd just leave it now some people aren't emotional or can't cheerily admit stuff.. They may feel shy and embarrassed. I wouldn't go into any more feelings and if he doesn't reply in a few days maybe get dh to prompt..

[Aridane]

He read that last message over an hour ago and still not responded

WTF - is there an obligation to respond to a message within 60 minutes?

[PinkCrayon]

They havent spoken to their own son and dil because you arranged your wedding on a weekday. I dont know why you bothered at all they sound like a pair of dickheads.

[Sleephead1]

My dad hates texting and one word answer to anything is standard I'm guessing your fil might be the same.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

My dad would send similarly practical texts

[Ellapaella]

Maybe overthinking things a little op? He says he's going to get measured for a suit so he's coming to the wedding.

[Nowisthemonthofmaying]

Wow - you seriously need to chill out about this. Stop pestering the poor man and leave him to your dh to deal with!

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

Really? I read it as he'll need to get measured for the suit. He may have then read your last message and got distracted by something so hasn't replied yet.

Or he's read it and gone off to discuss with MIL. Or any number of reasons.

Bridges take time to mend again so just step back.

[poelpabb]

So strange, I can't see a family falling out about a wedding date 🤷‍♀️

[KurriKurri]

I honestly don;t see anything arsey or nasty in his replies. He's going to get measured for the suit, he's asked the colour and where to get it from - that is the information he needs. I think your 'can I take it you are coming' text was unnecessary - he's obviously intending to come if he's asking where to get his suit fitted. And he hasn;t replied because you haven;t asked him a question - he probably thinks he only needs to answer if your assumption is incorrect.

Texting is not the wy to go here - you are reading all sorts of stuff into it that just isn't there to an observer. Your first text was nice - reconciling and kind - stay with that thought, and the fact that he is being cooperative over the suit (I mean he could have said 'actually I'll wear whatever I like - but he didn't).
Maybe your OH could go with his Dad when he goes for his measuring and both of you FIL and MIl could all meet for a coffee afterwards ?

[BloodyhellMartha]

Both my DH and my DF would both be a bit taken aback to get a text telling them what you wanted them to wear at a wedding in 2 years time, to be honest. They would not see it as any kind of priority and would be a bit put out at having to go faff about and sort it out.

[Whoops75]

Leave it to them op

[GabsAlot]

Thry fell out with their son over what day yu were getting married? Anyway dont take texts personally my dh still only says yes and ok in his he hates it

[Limensoda]

Why do you have specific expectations of how someone should behave or respond? You must feel disappointed a lot when people don't follow your expectations of behaviour?
I can't see what the man has done wrong ffs.

[Gazelda]

I think his replies are all positive. Don't over analyse. He may be thinking "let's take this one step at a time, wounds are healing, but if I say the wrong thing, or misunderstand what she's saying, I risk creating more bad feeling. I'd best keep things emotion free and to the point"