Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14

AIBU?

WIBU to not have DP’s nieces as my bridesmaids?

329 replies

StrawberryAndRaspberryTea · 18/07/2019 16:48

Starting to plan our wedding, albeit roughly at the mo as still saving up, but whilst we were looking at wedding related bits and pieces online together last night, I asked DP if he thinks his sister will expect to be my bridesmaid.
He said no, but he reckons she’ll expect her daughters to be. The thing is, I’m really not that close with DP’s sister, and even less so with her children who we only really see at special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas etc.

I was only planning on having my step sister (who’s also my best friend) as my maid of honour, and her daughter as a bridesmaid or flower girl, and that’s it. It’s going to be a small wedding on a small budget, and I can’t shake this feeling that the bridesmaids should be my choice?
For instance, I wouldn’t hint at or tell DP who he should have as his groomsmen or his best man, because I feel that’s his decision to make and not mine, likewise, I think the bridesmaids should be down to the bride..

FWIW, DP isn’t fussed whether his nieces are bridesmaids or not - don’t know whether that makes any difference here!

WIBU to not have DP’s nieces as my bridesmaids? (Future) SIL is very upfront, opinionated and can be brutal at times (as can future MIL who I'm also wary of pissing off regarding this) so I’m worried she will be pushy and try and get her daughters to be involved, and if I say no - which I think I’m within my rights to, but not sure! - I’m anxious that she’ll hold it against me. I don't want to cause drama within his family before I've even become a proper part of it, but at the same time, I don't want to find myself in a position where I feel pressured in to having people involved in my wedding that I simply wouldn't choose myself, and that DP isn't bothered about either!

WWYD?

OP posts:

Report

needsahouseboy · 18/07/2019 16:51

They are 2 little girls that would probably love to be bridesmaids, they are his nieces. You've said you only see them at special occasions - your wedding is a special occasion and you can have who you want but expect a fall out from this. They are his family. I think it's a bit mean.

needsahouseboy · 18/07/2019 16:52

Sorry not sure where I got 2 from!

Pipandmum · 18/07/2019 16:52

Do whatever you like. If you were having loads of bridesmaids it would be nice to include them, but as you’re just having one grownup one child it’s a non issue.
I was hoping my stepson (or his wife rather) would have his sister (my daughter) as a bridesmaid but she wasn’t asked and that was that.

Stoptheworldpleasethankyou · 18/07/2019 16:53

Nah you don’t know them. Bridal party is normally from the brides side and friends anyway not the grooms.

Jamalamadingdong · 18/07/2019 16:53

Would it really kill you to let your future nieces be flower girls?

I never understand all the angst over letting children be part of the day.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 18/07/2019 16:54

How many nieces and how old are they?

Nanny0gg · 18/07/2019 16:54

How old are they?

flouncyfanny · 18/07/2019 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pieceofpurplesky · 18/07/2019 16:57

Whilst you are the bride she will be your SIL and them your nieces. It wouldn't really be a massive issue to share your special day with them - something they will remember forever ...

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/07/2019 16:58

I don't think yabu, BUT I would weigh up the effect having them as BM would have on you and your wedding days, versus the fallout if you don't.

sparkles07 · 18/07/2019 16:58

I would have been hurt if SIL hadn't had my daughter as a bridesmaid. We're not close, but it's her aunts wedding, and meant a lot to my daughter to get a special dress and her hair done up.

StrawberryAndRaspberryTea · 18/07/2019 16:59

The thing is, I also know full well that SIL won't pay for the dresses... so it'll be another expense for us to pay out for.
His Nieces will be 16, 10 and I think maybe 8?

I was always under the impression that the bridal party was close to the bride, and given that we rarely see DP's sister and her DC's, I don't feel they fall in to that category. I really only want a maid of honour and a flower girl too!

OP posts:

Philmitchell · 18/07/2019 16:59

Your wedding your choice. Don’t even consider it, if someone says anything. Say no only have 2! End of

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2019 17:00

No need to have them. There’s always someone that will be disappointed or want something done differently.

SlurpyMcSlurperFace · 18/07/2019 17:00

You don't want them as BM as you hardly know them.
DP isn't bothered.
It's your wedding. Only what you and DP want is really important. You're making a problem where there is none. Just don't mention it. If MIL or SIL do mention it, tell them your plans as fact.

MmeBufo · 18/07/2019 17:01

You don't have to have them, no.

I would ask them though, it's family goodwill in the bank and surely no skin of your nose. If they're older they might not want to anyway, which would be a win all round.

Percypigparade · 18/07/2019 17:01

Well why did you bring it up for discussion by asking about the bridesmaid being his sister? What a strange idea!

MmeBufo · 18/07/2019 17:01

*off

Jimjamjong · 18/07/2019 17:02

I think it is quite childish to "only want one flower girl" when you have 4 nieces, even if 3 of them are on your husdand's side.

SometimesMaybe · 18/07/2019 17:03

I thought they were all going to be under 8 and would have said just suck it up. The teenagers won’t want to be bridesmaids for someone they don’t really know, and the youngest will want to be with her big sisters so won’t care. Three extra flower girls wouldn’t make a difference but the costs (and the look) that three bridesmaids will bring is something totally different.
YANBU stick to your guns OP.

Chamomileteaplease · 18/07/2019 17:03

Just be ready with your response should SIL ask you about it, should it arise and then you will be ready.

FWIW I agree that as the bride you should be able to choose your own bridesmaids!

You could stick to the fact that you are keeping it small and simple.

Paramicha · 18/07/2019 17:03

What better way of getting to know them and you see them at family occasions. They are just as much family as your half sister and half niece?. Would it really cost that much more for two more little dresses. You could get them all the same from a high street shop, they all do wedding dress now.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

StrawberryAndRaspberryTea · 18/07/2019 17:03

When we're paying for the wedding ourselves on a tight budget, I don't think it's childish to consider only having those closest to me in my bridal party...? Perhaps I am BU though?

OP posts:

MyCatHatesEverybody · 18/07/2019 17:04

YANBU OP.

Spam88 · 18/07/2019 17:04

I don't think it should be just the brides choice, not for the little ones anyway. But doesn't sound like your future DH is fussed.

I do think it's a bit mean to have one niece and not the others though.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.