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To be angry and distressed at the amount of harassment my fourteen year old daughter faces?

(288 Posts)
Saggingninja Sun 17-Mar-19 11:37:35

A small sample. She's been harassed on a bus by a man in his thirties when she was in her school uniform. Nobody intervened. She was followed slowly down a street by a man in a car, but when she turned to take a photo of his licence plate, he drove off. She was asked for a 'date' by a man who was 'in his fifties'. When she pointed out she was only fourteen he smiled and said 'he didn't mind.' And yesterday on the train with some friends, she noticed this man filming them. When she turned to face him, he stopped and moved away.

My daughter is confident and I've told her not to be afraid of telling anyone harassing her to fuck off or to loudly remind them that she's underage. I put up with so much crap when I was a teenager out of fear of being rude. But I'm so angry and distressed that this happens so often. Nothing has changed has it?

formerbabe Sun 17-Mar-19 11:40:18

Just disgusting....yanbu.

MangoBananaSleep Sun 17-Mar-19 11:48:29

This is outrageous. We all need to speak up against these creatures who think this is acceptable.

It sounds like you’ve done a good job teaching your daughter to protect herself though OP.

FissionChip5 Sun 17-Mar-19 11:52:17

YANBU, was mentioning to DH the other day about the amount of grown men who would leer and make comments as soon as I hit 14.

It’s absolutely disgusting.

IM0GEN Sun 17-Mar-19 11:53:51

Yes. My 17 year old DD and her friends were harassed by a group of men in their 30s. They were shouting at her friend who has self harm scars on her thighs and saying “ oh that’s a great place to cut yourself “.

The girls complained to a manager who spoke to the men and then told the girls that the men were “ just trying to be supportive”.

They got more support from a male cleaner who overheard and said “these guys are a load of junkies who should be kicked out “. At least the cleaner acknowledge that it was the men who were wrong and not them for objecting.

It’s put them off going back.

ScarlettDarling Sun 17-Mar-19 11:54:17

It is vile. My dd has just turned 12 and I dread this happening to her in a couple of years. I remember being asked out on a bus by a man in his 30s when I was still a teenager, being flashed at when out in town with friends, being groped in pubs when I got a bit older. It sounds like nothing has changed. Who are these men who think is acceptable behaviour? It makes my blood boil.

CarolDanvers Sun 17-Mar-19 11:55:18

My daughter is 12 and already men stare at her even when she’s with me. I have my Medusa face and I make sure they know I see them and they have always looked away up till now when they see me glare, but it makes me furious.

YouTheCat Sun 17-Mar-19 11:55:49

My dd has no qualms about telling people to fuck off if they're harassing her. Now she's a bit older she gives off a 'don't mess with me' kind of aura and doesn't get much hassle at all.

It's shit that we should have to tell our children to tell people making unwanted advances to fuck off though because it just shouldn't happen.

ItchySeveredFoot Sun 17-Mar-19 11:58:57

God why are some men so fucking disgusting? My dd's are both under 5 but I'm dreading anything like this.

Barrenfieldoffucks Sun 17-Mar-19 12:00:15

Yup, it's gross.

We were on holiday recently and my 8 yr old was wearing a bikini. It wasn't a small skimpy one (although that shouldn't matter) but one of those crop top type ones.

There was one particular chap who followed her very blatantly with his eyes wherever she went by the pool. It made me very uncomfortable.

I remember all sorts of hideousness as a teen, it never really occurred to me how wrong it was.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare Sun 17-Mar-19 12:02:12

It boils my pics and I'm still angry about it in that I was supposed to take it as a compliment or that I was somehow mad for not doing so. That and how it was indulged almost at school. But your daughter has her head screwed on she must keep on recording ans logging and being that squeaky wheel.
And if those in authority get annoyed at her she can remind them their anger is misdirected at her, it should be at the sex pests. And she has a mother who cares at her back too.

Usingmyindoorvoice Sun 17-Mar-19 12:10:25

YANBU at all.
I actually think it’s got worse over the years. I don’t recall the same level of street harassment in the 70s and 80s that my dds have experienced in the last decade,
My youngest dd in particular had the misfortune to become large of nork by the time she was barely 13, and grown men would hassle her, even though she was clearly a child. In school uniform.
Vile, vile, vile.

katseyes7 Sun 17-Mar-19 12:12:50

My ex's eldest daughter is a stunningly attractive girl. On occasions he's been out in public with her and men have actually made comments to her. When she's with her dad, who is a very big man. And she was 14-15 at the time. lt's disgusting.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 17-Mar-19 12:13:10

Horrible. But I don't really think 'underage' is the thing to focus on in comments back - that sort of behaviour isn't ok if you're 'of age' either.

The point is it is unwanted, unpleasant, intrusive attention, at any age.

No girl is suddenly going to become interested in these sleazy arse-wipes when she turns 18. The term 'underage' carries an implication that she would become fair game at that age.

Yes, they are sexually harrassing a child and the consequences for them should and could be worse than for doing the same thing to an adult. But the unacceptability of sexual harrassment would seem to me to be the main point to make.

MeAgainAgain Sun 17-Mar-19 12:16:28

This makes me so angry.

Why doesn't it change.

It was like this in the 80s too.

As a society have we not stamped this out? Generally I think its because its not seen as a problem and if it is then the blame seems to go on the girl? I mean all the usual stuff.

But it's a fucking blight on our lives when we're young isn't it. Peoe say why are girls self conscious? Why lack confidence etc... Maybe because they get treated like this when they're out in public and no one gives a fuck?

bobstersmum Sun 17-Mar-19 12:16:34

It is awful. From being about 12 I had unwanted attention from grown men. I didn't look older and wasnt outgoing or overly confident, didn't wear make up. Makes me feel utterly sick now. There are several men that I could report now if I knew where they were.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 17-Mar-19 12:16:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

malificent7 Sun 17-Mar-19 12:16:59

Underage is an issue's paedophilia. Although i do agree that no woman should face this crap.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 17-Mar-19 12:20:46

Yes, the underage aspect has different implications for the man.

For the girl / woman though, this stuff is never acceptable.

I think it's really the word 'underage' I'm not comfortable with, because it implies 'underage = off-limits, of age = fair game'. Whereas saying 'you are sexually harrassing a child' is factual, without that implication.

FiddlesticksAkimbo Sun 17-Mar-19 12:21:32

"Men are fucking foul."
You might want to reconsider that comment, Fizzy

Thatsalovelycuppatea Sun 17-Mar-19 12:22:59

That's disgusting. Have you informed the school of this? I seriously wonder what causes men to behave like such dicks.

MeAgainAgain Sun 17-Mar-19 12:23:27

There is a difference pre/post puberty.

As soon as a girl starts to get breasts, irrespective of age, there seems to be a shift to, she's old enough, and when stuff happens, a lack of sympathy from public. Girls past puberty are often seen as 'knowing'. Provocative. She looked older! She had her school skirt rolled up!

I think this is to protect men as loads of them fancy girls from this age.

Pre puberty is seen as a serious issue, defunitely terrible. Not the child's fault (usually), men who act are the lowest of the low etc

puppymouse Sun 17-Mar-19 12:23:33

It's vile. And relentless. I feel more sheltered from it now as a middle aged woman but it still happens. Often when you'd least expect it. I remember how constant it was early to mid teens. I was well developed for my age which often made things worse.

Remember my godmother's creepy husband age 50 or whatever catching my foot under the dinner table and leering "are you playing footsie with me?" I was 12.

Broader than teens, this caught my attention. Not sure what's worse the film or the comments (I.e. men denying it happens and then mansplaining what we should be doing to stop it.)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 17-Mar-19 12:24:08

Horrendous. I feel just as sick reading that as I did when it used to happen to me - whilst wearing school uniform - on my way to school.

Why do some men feel so entitled to treat girls/women this way? It's vile, they're vile.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 17-Mar-19 12:24:19

The underage / of age thing is a bit like when creeps use the 'sweet 16 and never been kissed' line and similar, in a 'she's sexually available now, sleazy wink' way. Creepy as fuck and all about being legitimately 'available'.

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