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Daughter not invited to my brothers wedding abroad

(576 Posts)
Alicia870 Sun 24-Feb-19 15:26:41

My daughter will be approaching 2 when my brother gets married in Croatia. Ive only just found out they are not having children at the wedding and she is not invited. He also wants us all to go out 3 days before the wedding and to stay the day after for other events and gatherings. So it would mean we will have to leave her with dh's parenrs for about 5 days. She is the only niece he has and I can't help but feel upset by this. It's a long time to leave her and I feel like she is part of the family too and can't see how she would do much harm. I wouldn't mind if it was at home as I understand some people don't want kids at a wedding but isn't it a bit much to expect us to go abroad and just leave her for days?

formerbabe Sun 24-Feb-19 15:28:13

Yanbu. I don't think I'd go to be honest.

Cheetahssitonfajitas Sun 24-Feb-19 15:28:16

Yeah, fair enough if that's what they want but I wouldn't be going. DS, at 2, would not have coped for 5 days without me and his GP's would not have coped brilliantly either! What a shame.

Finfintytint Sun 24-Feb-19 15:28:53

I’d either go on my own or not bother going at all.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 24-Feb-19 15:28:54

Don’t go and tell them why (politely). Is the groom or the bride from Croatia?

C1rrus Sun 24-Feb-19 15:29:33

I probably wouldn’t go.

TooDamnSarky Sun 24-Feb-19 15:30:04

No way would I give up that much of my annual leave for a trip that didn't include my kids

PotteringAlong Sun 24-Feb-19 15:30:17

I wouldn’t be going abroad for 5 days without my 2 year old. They can’t have it every which way. It’s fine to have a child free wedding but you can’t combine that with a wedding abroad and expect people with children to go.

MatildaTheCat Sun 24-Feb-19 15:30:26

No, I wouldn’t go. And when they have their own dc in a few years I’d make sure it was mentioned. Often.

Comefromaway Sun 24-Feb-19 15:30:44

I wouldn’t go. It’s too much to expect to leave a toddler for that length of time.

GrubbyHipsterBeard Sun 24-Feb-19 15:31:18

Yes it is a bit much. I’m all for not having kids at your wedding but family children at a destination wedding is different.

LavenderBelle Sun 24-Feb-19 15:31:27

I wouldn’t go for 5 days without my DC

zippey Sun 24-Feb-19 15:32:26

Personally I wouldn’t go. Or I’d speak to him and clarify the no children policy. Then say if that’s the case then you can’t make it. It’s a bit sad to exclude anew family member like that, but might show you what how he thinks towards your kid.

Child free weddings are boring anyway.

Alicia870 Sun 24-Feb-19 15:32:49

No they're not from there it's just a destination wedding. I definitely miss it as I love my brother but I am upset by this. I said to him it seems a bit unfair and he said his fiances Nephews aren't going either and the parents have no problem with it. He said they don't want kids and can't make one rule for one and not the other.

Fabaunt Sun 24-Feb-19 15:33:59

You’re not unreasonable to not go but he’s not unreasonable to want a child free wedding.

Shookethtothecore Sun 24-Feb-19 15:34:00

That’s really odd. At home wedding then fair enough kid free, but an abroad one like that is often people’s family holiday with a nice wedding thrown in, I wouldn’t go, and I have gone on holiday without my children plenty of times (long weekends)

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 24-Feb-19 15:35:05

It’s a big ask to get 5 days childcare for a 2 year old. I’d love a trip to Croatia without my children but I don’t think I could really ask someone to have them that long. Certainly wouldn’t go if I couldn’t afford the cost or annual leave.

PeterPiperPickedWrong Sun 24-Feb-19 15:35:38

My DF had his second wedding in Florida and that was child free due to the venue restrictions, being as all of us had kids and it’s a 9 hour flight, none of us went.

You could decline the invitation but if you want to attend just fly the morning of the wedding and fly back they day after, regardless of his 3 days before request, and tell him why you are staying for such a short time. If they want a child free wedding it’s their choice, plenty of people seem to say no children these days. It’s not something I would be upset about though.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 24-Feb-19 15:36:13

I wouldn’t go and they have no right to try put any pressure on you to, what other people are happy with is completely irrelevant.

Cheetahssitonfajitas Sun 24-Feb-19 15:36:21

How old are his fiancee's nephews? And fair enough - some people are OK with leaving their toddlers for 5 days. Doesn't mean most people are, or should be. Just under 2 is too little for them to understand. They would be upset and confused. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.

sweeneytoddsrazor Sun 24-Feb-19 15:36:31

Cant you go for a couple of days fly out the day before and come home the day after as a compromise.

PanamaPattie Sun 24-Feb-19 15:36:57

I wouldn’t leave my DC for that length of time. I would wish your brother well, tell him to have a fantastic day and that you’ll catch up with him after the honeymoon.

PuzzlingPuzzle Sun 24-Feb-19 15:37:01

He’s entitled to have a child free wedding. However, he has to realise that this combined with a destination wedding makes it essentially impossible for anyone with children to attend since it’s hardly an easy option to get a babysitter for several days. And he should have the foresight to realise this applies to his own sister.

If you’re not comfortable leaving her for 5 days with your ILs, which is totally fair enough, then you have 2 options; go on your own or don’t go at all. As the old saying goes it’s an invitation not a summons.

If you decline make it polite but be explicit- ‘I’m sorry to we can’t make it but we can’t leave DD for that length of time.’

YANBU to be upset though.

Crunchymum Sun 24-Feb-19 15:38:22

I'd probably go, but for 2 days (so for the actual wedding) and leave my DP with the toddler.

pallisers Sun 24-Feb-19 15:38:48

It is really unreasonable of them and I'd be tempted not to go but you love him and probably want to be at the wedding.

I would either go by myself and leave dh to mind baby or ask grandparents to mind her. But no way would I go for 5 days of festivities. I'd fly in the day before and fly home the day after so only 2 nights without her.

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