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AIBU to think clothes can be distracting?

(242 Posts)
angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 20:50:48

My dd is taking some extra GCSEs she can't take at school at another school in May,

She received a letter with information about where to go on the days etc. In it they say to make sure they wear not 'outrageous' clothing. Because their boys are normal and get distracted easily (it's a boys school).

Dd thinks this isn't right, and 'girls bodies shouldn't be seen as objects of distraction for boys', I don't agree, I think it's reasonable for them to stipulate what to wear. Dd says she agrees but they could've done it without saying they were distracting, and boys should be able to control themselves.

AIBU? i'm not sure if i'm just old school and not with what's appropriate now!

MrsGarethSouthgate Mon 11-Feb-19 20:51:53

What actual wording did they use?

MissionItsPossible Mon 11-Feb-19 20:55:06

YABU if the school letter said the reason was that the boys in their school were ‘normal’ and get distracted easily. What an unprofessional letter?

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 20:55:08

'Please be comfortable without being 'outrageous':; ladies please wear something modest as our boys are only normal, and distract easily.'

pootleposeyperkin Mon 11-Feb-19 20:56:25


LilaJude Mon 11-Feb-19 20:57:17

What a load of bollocks. I’m bisexual and I managed to get through my many years of coeducational schooling without being ‘distracted’ by the short skirts and visible bra straps of my classmates. This is just sexist, victim blaming bullshit.

Stinkytoe Mon 11-Feb-19 20:57:35

I can’t imagine any school sending that out

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 20:58:34

Not sure how to prove it's real without outing myself and the school!

I think the gender thing is weird because if said at all, shouldn't it include all genders?

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 11-Feb-19 21:00:47

I'm with your DD. It's a horrible way to phrase a request, and I find the use of the word "modest" in connection to children to be unpleasant. If their boys are so easily distracted then they need to work on that with the boys.

All it needed was specific guidance on suitable clothing without being sexist.

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 21:03:25

I don't want them not to let dd sit exams there if I mention it! Maybe an email or letter after she's finished?

I don't want to set a bad example by not doing anything :/

Rubusfruticosus Mon 11-Feb-19 21:03:36

Shouldn't they just go in their regular uniform?

Bestseller Mon 11-Feb-19 21:04:18

The school said, in writing, that the boys are normal and get distracted by girls clothes? shock

It's an outrageous thing to say but it is reasonable to ask everyone to dress appropriately.

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 21:06:41

I think most people sitting them will be homeschooled, so probably why there's guidance.

Clearly i wasn't taking it seriously enough!! I think i will mention the wording to them after she has sat them

Butteredghost Mon 11-Feb-19 21:08:46

I agree with your DD. It's OK to have a dress code at school, but not to word it like that, that's outrageous. "Our boys are normal" smh. They could have written "please wear appropriate clothing, as even though you are not students here it is a school environment" or something like that.

redexpat Mon 11-Feb-19 21:09:25

Tweet it and tag the school. Add #everydaysexism.

Should be fun.

whilethechiefputsshineonleith Mon 11-Feb-19 21:10:05

no way would a school say that.

kaytee87 Mon 11-Feb-19 21:12:08

Yeah..... I'm so surprised that a school would actually say this that I'm really not sure whether to believe this or not

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 21:12:56

again i don't know how to prove it without outing myself to the school and having dd not be able to sit her exams!!

TakenForSlanted Mon 11-Feb-19 21:14:04

They're being ridiculous!

This goes right to that silly stereotype that men are, essentially, animals without a smidgeon of self-control. They're not. Men are entirely capable of behaving normally and focusing on whatever they're meant to do even in the presence of * gasp * a vaguely shaggable woman.

MamaLovesMango Mon 11-Feb-19 21:14:13

Your DD is 100% correct. What a mature and switched on young lady you have there. I’d definitely be giving myself a high five if one of my DDs said that.

The school aren’t being unreasonable to stipulate a dress code but their wording is outrageous and a huge mistake. I’d not want to send my son there.

ChesterGreySideboard Mon 11-Feb-19 21:16:21

You say most children will be homeschooled. Is this not a school but a college or some such?

Either way why should girls have to modify their behaviour because boys won’t modify theirs

anniehm Mon 11-Feb-19 21:18:54

Whilst it's badly worded in this case, my DD's college had similar rules. In their case it was stated that tops/dresses should have at least short sleeves and midriffs must be covered, shirts and shirts should come to at least mid thigh - they cited religious sensibilities (30% of school was Muslim)

angelicaorchnid Mon 11-Feb-19 21:20:19

No it's a school, quite a well known one! But this document is sent to external candidates and not many children in school will be sitting exams outside their school iyswim

goldengummybear Mon 11-Feb-19 21:22:27

It's bizarre and outrageously sexist wording. My 15yo would say that Crocs are an outrageous outfit. I can see her tempted to turn up in fancy dress. 😂

whilethechiefputsshineonleith Mon 11-Feb-19 21:23:13

i would be interested to see this letter to see if it was worded like that. if so i would take it all the way. my profession would allow me to take this to the highest authority if that is indeed what they said then someone will have to look into this.

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