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Woman in cafe, is this a new form of space invading?

(212 Posts)
Bahhhhhumbug Thu 10-Jan-19 11:57:20

I know this has been done to death, the usual thing of people standing too close in queues, sitting next to you in an empty carriage etc etc. but this was a new one on me yesterday and l can't fathom why it bothered me so much, but here goes.
Went for a coffee whilst shopping yesterday and as it was late some of the popular window tables were free so l went and sat at one watching out the window as you do.
A man came and sat at the next window table to me and was then joined by a woman both middle aged, fiftyish. She took off her coat and turned to me and rather bruskly asked me if the seat behind her at my table (directly opposite me) was taken. I said no and to help yourself, resist g temptation to mimic her brusk tone. With that she put her coat with big fur collar around the back of the chair, turned round and started sorting out her coffee etc, leaving me sat at my table opposite her coat and partly blocking my view outh window.
Wtf? Just to clarify these tables have four seats around them so l had three empty she had two but they are small tables and only realistically seat three comfortably.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Thu 10-Jan-19 12:02:17

Cheeky.. but I kind of like her style. I have serious personal space issues. I wouldn't be as brazen though!

Bahhhhhumbug Thu 10-Jan-19 12:04:11

I obviously presumed she wanted the chair as more people were joining them or something wrong with her chair or whatever. I didn't think for a minute she wanted to just use it to put her coat round. I mean why didnt she use her empty chair at side of her at her table. From their or her loud conversation l am pretty sure she she was a social worker of some kind as she was talking to him about building up his confidence etc and going through a form and she was quite loud and patronising.

dontdoubtyourself Thu 10-Jan-19 12:09:42

So you sat at a big table seating four when there was a smaller table with same view next to it? If so, she was probably making a point.

FreshlyWashed Thu 10-Jan-19 12:20:34

I'd have spent the time fantasising about "accidentally" knocking my cup over and watching the liquid spread towards her coat.

Then I'd have meekly drunk my drink and left!

PaddingtonBearHardStare Thu 10-Jan-19 12:23:55

So you sat at a big table seating four when there was a smaller table with same view next to it? If so, she was probably making a point.

No both tables were the same size but OP had more room as she was on her own

PaddingtonBearHardStare Thu 10-Jan-19 12:24:19

Bold fail hmm

MsLexic Thu 10-Jan-19 12:29:46

Did you not think of subtly pushing coat to the floor? I once put scrambled egg in a woman's pocket, she was sooo rude. Yes, I know. It was wrong of me.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Thu 10-Jan-19 12:33:29

I once put scrambled egg in a woman's pocket

Do tell more!

Bahhhhhumbug Thu 10-Jan-19 12:34:16

Brusquely and brusque obviously damned Americanised autospell.

OhJustElfOff Thu 10-Jan-19 12:34:55

You should have tried her coat on

InSightMars Thu 10-Jan-19 12:34:58

I’m finding it hard to understand how her coat was partially blocking your view of the window if it was directly opposite you and directly behind her, which would mean her back was directly opposite you too. Think I need a diagram. Not sure what your problem is tbh, she put her coat on the seat directly behind her ie possibly nearer to her than one of the free seats a her. own table is what I’m getting, she didn’t plonk herself at your table, you still had it all to yourself.

User758172 Thu 10-Jan-19 12:35:13


I’m all ears! shock

bengalcat Thu 10-Jan-19 12:35:43

Giggling at the scrambled egg

MrsBrianWarner Thu 10-Jan-19 12:35:51

Youre upset a woman put a coat on a chair?

Is that the crux of this?

Drum2018 Thu 10-Jan-19 12:35:59

MsLexic I like your style.

babysharkah Thu 10-Jan-19 12:38:47

I don't think she did anything wrong?!

InSightMars Thu 10-Jan-19 12:39:55

And why does her being middle-aged matter? Weirdly this whole thing is bugging me, it seems so trivial an incident, I can’t help thinking I’m missing some key thing that makes it a big deal that other posters are getting instinctively.

SoupDragon Thu 10-Jan-19 12:41:43

I’m finding it hard to understand how her coat was partially blocking your view of the window if it was directly opposite you and directly behind her, which would mean her back was directly opposite you too.

Me too! Was the coat the size and shape of a large bear?

Anyway, I don't think she did anything wrong at all.

NewYorkDoll3 Thu 10-Jan-19 12:41:51

YABU. You don't own the table, chair, OR the cafe.

And what has her age got to do with it? hmm

purplelass Thu 10-Jan-19 12:43:59

How high was this chair?! Surely all it would be blocking your view of would be the floor (and the chair)

I don't get the issue with what she did at all!

Dying to know more about the scrambled egg though grin

blueskiesandforests Thu 10-Jan-19 12:45:36

The OP was sitting at a table for 4 on her own. Someone else was sitting at a table for 4 with one other person. It is indeed extremely weird that this other person put her coat on a chair at the OP's table in the manner of someone reserving that seat, or about to sit on that seat. It's an out and out peculiar move. It isn't logically that disruptive, but it would irk me because its like some kind of human equivalent of someone else scent marking your little bit of (temporary) territory.

It is weird OP. It does leave you wondering what was going through her head. Perhaps she was actually thinking about something else at the time and hours later thought "WTF did I do that?" ... Or perhaps she thought the person she was with would spill/ smear something on her favourite coat...

poppiesallykatie Thu 10-Jan-19 12:46:14

I am guessing it didn't bother you, so much as perplexed you, which is the point. Why? Why did she do it? I'd find it very odd as well, why not hang it on the empty chair beside her, where she could see it which is the standard approach most people would take or hang it off the back of her own chair. She was kind of enlarging her own personal space, some people are just that odd.

MsLexic Thu 10-Jan-19 12:47:05

Ok. So I was in a chi-chi cafe and I was treating my partner. One of the tables was a bit close but instead of moving her chair 10 inches she proceeded to invade our space shouting to her friend across me and ended up sitting needlessly in' our table space but with her back to me where she proceeded to emit squawks and shouts. I told her she was being loud but she just ignored me.
So scrambled egg fell in her pocket. Just. fell.

blueskiesandforests Thu 10-Jan-19 12:48:01

I'm also not having any trouble visualising the lay out... It's fairly clear!

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