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Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

(299 Posts)
Leighhalfpennysthigh Tue 11-Dec-18 18:00:08

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

6triesbuttingout Tue 11-Dec-18 18:04:46

What sort of contracts have they got? If it’s to work within business needs I would start stage 1 disciplinary if they don’t at least meet you half way

IamSusan Tue 11-Dec-18 18:07:53

it's a very cruel lesson, but the nicer boss you are, the more people walk all over you and take the piss. There are a few gems, you can even make good friends, but the majority of people are horrible in that work environment: you are the boss, you are "rich" you are privileged, you have freedom and flexibility, they do their 9-to-5 why should they do a minute more. yeah, because running your own business is that easy, isn't it

It really sucks, and it's hurtful when you try to be as human and nice as possible. The only solution is to remove yourself and become stricter and less friendly. They still try to take the piss, but at least you won't take it personally. Understand that for small-minded people the "boss" is forever the enemy.

You are doing great, it's not your fault, and not everybody is like that. Best of luck with all of it flowers

M4J4 Tue 11-Dec-18 18:08:45

Yes, use your contracts OP. They need to cover one match each, for example. Don't ask, delegate.

Blueshells Tue 11-Dec-18 18:09:58

Tbf I do think Christmas working hours should be agreed well in advance.

Timeforabiscuit Tue 11-Dec-18 18:13:43

Having kids does not make you immune from being told work hours.

They can whinge, you can delegate - guess who wins!

Letsmoveondude Tue 11-Dec-18 18:14:10

Refer to the contracts and kick arse unless they want their p45s to be the last piece of post they receive before Christmas.

Fuming on your behalf, your MIL is terminally ill, and they should be fucking thinking of more than “oh I’ve got kids”

You sound like you’ve been far too nice to them to be honest, and like absolute fuckers they’ve taken the piss.

Bombardier25966 Tue 11-Dec-18 18:18:54

Who nurses MIL whilst you're working?

ShalomJackie Tue 11-Dec-18 18:21:35

The problem is that you have been too nice in the past. They do not expect to have to work Christmas as they haven't previously. Now you are asking them to do something they consider to be out of the norm.

Is there any possibility of taking on some temporary Christmas staff to cover the period eg. students home from uni may be grateful for some work?

If not, then you can say you expect everyone to take on one/two shifts and they can express their preference for which days and if not all shifts are covered then there will be a draw to determine shifts not covered.

Thisimmortalcurl Tue 11-Dec-18 18:28:12

What days are the events on ? I can understand a bit if it Christmas Eve / day and Boxing Day but you would think most people would accept it’s part of the job if asked well enough in advance much like many other roles who work over the festive period.

M4J4 Tue 11-Dec-18 18:29:02

There's another thread where people have been asked to book all annual leave for the whole of 2019!

Start planning 2019 leave now.

Bombardier25966 Tue 11-Dec-18 18:37:01

if asked well enough in advance

I expect that's the problem, it's two weeks away and matches will be on boxing day.

Leighhalfpennysthigh Tue 11-Dec-18 19:37:57

Who nurses MIL whilst you're working?

I have hired an old colleague of my fathers who is an oncology nurse and my father will help,out as he's a retired GP. However, she can't do over Christmas as she's going abroad. I knew this when I hired her and, besides, I want to do it. My mother in law has been my rock in the last few years since my own mother died. I want to do as much as I can for her for what might be her last Christmas.

Everyone took the jobs knowing that part of it would involve working over bank holidays and Christmas. They were all made aware in July that I wouldn't be able to cover for them this year and agreed to step,up. Just changing their minds now with 2 weeks to go and it seems like they are forcing me to capitulate.

Their contracts all mention having to work those days. We're sports physios. It's part of the job that we attend training sessions and matches so no great surprises. Have talked it over with my business manager and we can't get freelancers this close to Christmas, so going to discuss at our team meeting tomorrow and ask them to do what they had agreed to - or they will have a written warning. Yes we have a rots and yes, they knew they were on it. It is three women, all with children who are in the rota. I have other staff covering other matches and there have been no problems with them. My staff are a mixture of parents and nonparents and men and women and I do try to be fair to everyone. The only person not working this year, apart from me, is one man who is taking an extended break to visit his family overseas.

jessstan2 Tue 11-Dec-18 19:42:42

You sound really lovely, wish you were near me, I'd lend a hand.
I hope it all works out for you and that you have a lovely Christmas with your extended family. flowers

Buster72 Tue 11-Dec-18 19:43:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BuffyTheMLMHunter Tue 11-Dec-18 19:47:33

Sounds like a terrible situation, but you must enforce the contacts.

If you do need a freelance let me know, I may be able to introduce you to someone with availability over Xmas.

RB68 Tue 11-Dec-18 19:47:53

Try for some freelancers as well - you never know its a tough time of year for some so they might be up for it.

But agree with the course of action.

Sassypants82 Tue 11-Dec-18 19:48:30

She's already mentioned her late husband.. RTFT

weebarra Tue 11-Dec-18 19:48:51

Buster, OP has pointed out that she is widowed. You sound like a great boss, I think they have to like it or lump it.

RB68 Tue 11-Dec-18 19:49:24

Buster she mentions her late Husband in her OP - did you mean to be so rude

YahBasic Tue 11-Dec-18 19:50:27

Buster, read the OP.

I think the approach in the meeting is to tell them that this is agreed by them, it is in their contracts - don’t ask them, but tell them directly what will happen.

Idratherhaveacupoftea Tue 11-Dec-18 19:51:23

Buster72. Perhaps her husband died.

Leighhalfpennysthigh Tue 11-Dec-18 19:53:23

You have no husband but you have a MIL

He died. Sorry I should have explained.

Bestseller Tue 11-Dec-18 19:53:51

It does seem very late to be telling staff who don't usually have to work at Christmas that they will this year, although I agree that if it's only an odd day or so during the break they should step up out of human decency regardless of their contracts.

Bestseller Tue 11-Dec-18 19:55:51

Sorry, i see they did know. I don't see how any employee can expect to just change their mind about their availability

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