to wish people would stop focussing on my child's race

[CaraDeanna]

I'm 3 months pregnant and have just told people at work that I'm expecting. AIBU to be irritated by the fact that I keep being told that my child is going to be cute because he/she will be mixed race?

Is this a normal thing to say? I feel like it's meant in a kind way but I can't help but feel frustrated that people are focussing on my child's race and physical features before they're even born.

I guess I'm just a bit fed up of hearing 'I wish I could meet a black guy so I can have a mixed race baby'...

[hedgebackwards]

Who on earth are these people? That's totally crass and not something I'd ever say to anybody.

[NewYearNewMe18]

My friend looks like a Viking maid, people comment her baby will be blond, blue eyes with lots of curls. Is that racist too? (She's Russian BTW, just for clarity). It will be 'too cute' apparently.

[SeriousChutzpah]

Of course you’re not unreasonable. It’s tiresome, and constructs mixed-race people as ‘exotic’ and racially other.

[CaraDeanna]

@hedgebackwards I hear it alllll the tiiiiime. There's even an Instagram page with thousands of followers on it called 'mixed race babies' - I could ignore that but I hate that I'm having to listen to it about my own.

[Kintan]

If people are saying the last sentence to you then that is completely unacceptable. But to other comments about cuteness, I couldn’t get worked up about. I’m mixed race and so my son is too and I had the same kind comments (and they were right he is very cute!), but then so did my friend who is a (white) brunette with a very blonde husband.

[CaraDeanna]

Thanks folks. Glad it's not just me who thinks this is odd!

@NewYearNewMe18 racist too? I don't remember mentioning any racism?

[TawnyPort]

Its just small talk, they are trying to be nice. Get used to it.

[UndomesticHousewife]

A bit tiresome but they’re trying to be nice I suppose and say your baby will be gorgeous. No real need for the mixed race stuff as your baby will be gorgeous whatever.

[Izzadoraduncancan]

I hope people are trying to be nice... but rather clumsily.

I grew up in 1970s London and am still in touch with my wonderful classmates, a very culturally diverse group. I must confess as a white Irish woman in her 40s I do look on in envy at my stunning, very young looking friends both of mixed race and African/Caribbean heritage. I wish I knew their secret, but I do suspect it comes down to fantastic genes.

Love your baby. It will be unique and absolutely beautiful - all babies are!

[Dan1983]

I've heard the "your baby will be beautiful because she is mixed" too. My OH is Filipina.

Just people trying to be nice to you.

[FizzyWizzyFlash]

My cousins show my children off as though they're an accessory.

'Look at my cutie nephew and niece' #mixedrace #spreadingthelove #white #asian #oliveskin #bigeyes

Hashtag my fucking arse.

Not one of them would do the same.

'Nah I couldn't marry anyone but those within our culture'

Ceased all contact with them.

#fuck off you little pricks

[immortalmarble]

Actually it is a form of racism. Racism can be “kindly meant” too. In this instance it seeks to set aside, to draw a distinction - a positive one but a distinction nonetheless - that the child will be “different.”

So YANBU at all OP.

Best of luck with your pregnancy.

[SweetMoon]

I can see how it might be tiresome. But I actually think people are being nice. For what it's worth every mixed race baby I know from friends/work colleagues has been absolutely beyond cute. No idea why except that they were all bloody adorable.

[Lollypop701]

Sorry I have to say mixed raced children are beautiful... I’m very happy with my Caucasian kids and wouldn’t swap them for the world. And I also think black, Asian, Hispanic kids are lovely .. babies are just fab. Enjoy yours... because they will turn into teenagers..., and they ain’t great 😂

[tillytoodles1]

Well if your baby looks anything like my friends "mixed race" daughter, he/she will be stunning. Ignore them.

[thatmustbenigelwiththebrie]

I think mixed race children are interesting because you never know how they will turn out and which blend of genes they will inherit.

I don't think that's racist or mean.

[immortalmarble]

Sigh. You tried, op. Long way to go.

[DailyWailEatsSnails]

It's a rare newborn that doesn't look a lot like a squishy grub. Race is irrelevant!

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

anyway I thought we were all one 'race'.

Tell them to fuck off.

[Moominfan]

Yea it's under cover racist. Some people are so ignorant they don't see any issues. Instagram is the absolute pits pages dedicated to mixed kids it's such a weird freaky facination

[Dan1983]

"anyway I thought we were all one 'race'."

We are. The human race.

[April229]

Oh god, how tiresome OP - I’m sure it’s not intended but it’s so odd to make race the focus of your lovely news. YANBU.

[teddybaer]

Literally all I heard when I was pregnant and I hated it too. It doesn't stop after you have the baby either the questions and remarks just get ruder and ruder. I constantly get asked why he isn't darker or why he isn't lighter and if he'll stay this colour forever. You just have to learn to ignore it. I didn't realise how real racism was until I had my baby (half white, half african) The amount of disgusting comments that have been made, he's even been called the N word several times and he's not even six months. My boyfriend is so chilled about it because he's used to it and it really opens your eyes. Don't accept it but prepare yourself for it because I did it. Congrats OP!

[silkpyjamasallday]

Speaking as the mother of a mixed race child, you are going to have to get used to it unfortunately OP. It never ends, and it is almost impossible to challenge these sorts of comments without you seeming to be the unreasonable one. People think they are just complementing your baby and are blind to the racist connotations of what they are saying. There is a strange fetishism around mixed race children that is not as positive as it seems on the surface, as I’m sure you’ve seen from the multiple Instagram accounts dedicated to ‘celebrating’ them. I haven’t found a way to shut these comments down nicely yet, you just have to smile and ignore.

[Xenia]

I get sick of all this emphasis on looks. It is very very shallow. It is moral fibre and brains that count in life. All this stuyff about pretty or good looking children and babies and little girls - it's absolutely dreadful. looks are superficial and to concentrate on them is a waste of time.

Also it is not normal to say that and it's very personal and not someone's business to comment on it. I happen to like red haired babies actually more than any others but I don't go around saying ugh your baby doesn't have red hair or gosh that's wonderful it's ginger.