to wish people would stop focussing on my child's race

[CaraDeanna]

I'm 3 months pregnant and have just told people at work that I'm expecting. AIBU to be irritated by the fact that I keep being told that my child is going to be cute because he/she will be mixed race?

Is this a normal thing to say? I feel like it's meant in a kind way but I can't help but feel frustrated that people are focussing on my child's race and physical features before they're even born.

I guess I'm just a bit fed up of hearing 'I wish I could meet a black guy so I can have a mixed race baby'...

I secretly admit that I find a large number of mixed race children (and adults) particularly good looking

I bet if you kept a (weird) log of which people you find attractive and their skin colour you would find it fairly even, maybe even skewed towards people who look like you. I suspect the mixed race attraction stands out to you because it feels slightly exotic or just "different".

Same with babies. People seem to notice the cuteness of mixed race babies as though they're surprised by it.

If people are saying they don't know why they find mixed race children attractive, historically and genetically it might be because we are stronger and have better genes the more mixed our genes I suppose (although I don't personally have that view they are more attractive actually - a baby is a baby, some are pretty ugly but most are cute because all baby animals are made to look cute, designed by nature to ensure we all feel protective of them).

I secretly admit that I find a large number of mixed race children (and adults) particularly good looking

I think this is entirely a sefl fullfilling prophecy. You don't noticed the people who aren't so good looking, and you are a bit over familiar with pretty white girls who are thrust in our faces from every billborad.

Stupid stupid thing to say. I never would, but I secretly admit that I find a large number of mixed race children (and adults) particularly good looking

I agree with this too. I’d also never dream of saying it out loud. However, I also find people who are mixed race can be very attractive. I suspect it’s got something to do with being slightly ’exotic’ or ‘different’ but a lot more to do with the fact that they can be, well, very attractive. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know how I can stop myself from thinking it.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this OP - I can imagine it's tiresome. Are your colleagues of a certain age? Small town? I just find it hard to imagine that people think it's ok to say these things these days. But then I live in a very multicultural city where mixed race is the norm.

I find genetics fascinating and can't help looking at all kids and their parents to see who they look most like. Regardless of race. I did do a double take when a white woman came to the door to collect her dark-skinned son (who was visiting my son) and then kicked myself in case I had looked confused. I guess it will have happened to her before. I do wonder what it's like having kids that don't look racially like one of the parents. But - hell - they're private thoughts to stay private!

I do hope you manage to find a way to deflect the unwanted attention OP and can enjoy your pregnancy and baby.

Red head people get the same comments about the babies appearance

Only idiots think that any mixed race baby will grow up to be beautiful. It depends on the parents features! So I cannot imagine the idiocy of a person who'd say ''i wish I could meet a black guy so I could have a mixed race baby''. Good God. To give them the benefit of the doubt, it'd still be very shit small talk.

HOWEVER I do think mixed race people have a healthy mix of genes, ie, such a low likelihood of cystic fibrosis.

Interesting Xenia, so we're literally programmed to find a healthy mix of genes appealing.

It smacks of an idolisation of black culture but toned down and made accessible by the lighter skin and genetic connection to white culture. It makes white people feel more at ease.

This works both ways. Also 'mixed race' does not automatically mean black/white.

OP - I've been thinking about this and my previous comments. I spend my teenage years in various Asian countries where I was an ethnic minority. People would always comment on my race/looks, often saying I was beautiful or asking their friend if they thought I was beautiful.... It did annoy me, sometimes I just wanted to blend in. I pointed it out to my (Asian) boyfriend and he just just laughed and said at least they're not looking at you and commenting that you're ugly... I took his point, but it was still a bit annoying. I suppose the fact is it's human nature to do this, all around the world. You just have to get used to it. I've spent a lot of time in Brazil with my DC and it's very mixed race, it's something that's celebrated and often spoken about, people don't take offence (as far as I've ever known) so I've adopted the same attitude.

I completely understand, OP. It's bloody weird.

My eldest children are mixed race. I'm currently pregnant at the moment with twins who will presumably be very pale blondes (given mine and DH's genetics). It's all anyone can talk about and it's really quite boring and upsetting.

I had similar comments to you when I was pregnant previously, too. But now it seems that all anyone wants to talk about is the different races of my children and I just don't find it interesting tbh.

It’s rude. If I’m being honest, I’d probably think it (but also think black babies are super cute if not mixed race) but would never actually say it out loud to you.

Selkie, I mgith be wrong although photographs of really inbred people and conditions like fumarise syndrome in a closed group of people in the US who have children with fairly close relatives and the UK royal family with the haemophlila condition certainly suggest so.

I just had a quick look on line and it seems complicated and it must be hard to differentiate conditioning from natural feelings or excitement of someone different. I was fascinated to learn that most people outside Africa have Neanderthal DNA and people with freckles etc like I have have the most so my homo spiens ancestors were also breeding with the neanderthals whether form sexual attraction, rape, because they got on, because they looked exotic and different or whatever - we don't know. We do know they lived near each other for long periods rather than that one existed before the other as used to be thought.

I think too much store is set by looks. It is how you are inside that matters and nor do I like poeople saiyng little girls are pretty and I bet you are proud of how pretty your girl is. If instead she worked hard and was top of the class I would indeed be proud as I would if she worked her hardest and were bottom but not whether she has a particular kind of face.

If it makes you feel any better OP, I had this too and technically my children are not mixed race as DH and I are both caucasien, although different nationalities. I'm typically Northern European-looking (fair skin, hair, light blue eyes) whereas he's Mediterranean. So many people speculated about what mix the kids would be!

I think most people are just trying to make conversation to be honest, although understand it gets a bit old after a while.