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To be called lucky an insult?

(130 Posts)
newmum2018385 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:23:44

I think I am overthinking this too much but just wondered what others thought. Do you find the word lucky insulting? As in you don't deserve what you have. Two examples a man at my work use to tell me my DH was lucky to have me. I didn't like it as I felt he was saying DH was not good enough for me. This man has since been sacked btw nothing to do with me he was a sleaze with a lot of women.
Also recently someone who clearly wants a baby told me I was lucky to have my baby. Again it kind of felt like she was saying I didn't deserve my DD somehow.
AIBU to find the work lucky insulting?
Know this is abit of a non issue.

iatethepies Sat 24-Feb-18 16:25:26

I don't like it either. It sounds resentful, like I don't deserve my baby/house/oh etc

cardibach Sat 24-Feb-18 16:26:33

It doesn’t imply you don’t deserve it at all. It just recognises that some other people who are equally deserving don’t have those things. It’s about appreciating that we don’t all get what we deserve or work for due to factors beyond our control, and that you are lucky in that it has worked out for you.

lizabes Sat 24-Feb-18 16:26:51

I think you're massively overthinking it.

KanielOutis Sat 24-Feb-18 16:27:18

It isn't meant as an insult, but can minimise your achievements. I resent being called lucky for things I have and do. I came from nothing and worked for everything. There's no luck in that.

Thedogsmells Sat 24-Feb-18 16:28:22

I agree with Cardibach. It's just a saying, but if you were going to read anything into it it would be purely that it is worth acknowledging that there is an element of luck in pretty much everything.

cardibach Sat 24-Feb-18 16:28:26

Kaniel of course there is! It doesn’t minimise your effort or achievement to recognise that other people work hard but don’t succeed.

UpstartCrow Sat 24-Feb-18 16:30:16

I do think its often used out of jealousy, or in a thoughtless way, and as a result can be insulting.
For example, being born into a well off family is a matter of luck.
But having your parents die and inheriting their wealth isn't lucky.

Snowbelled Sat 24-Feb-18 16:32:21

The workers 'lucky' was a sleazy type. But you are lucky you have a baby if you wanted one. So many of my friends havent been able to.

Jaygee61 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:32:27

I think it’s a bit arrogant to think you deserve everything good that happens to you.

littlepeas Sat 24-Feb-18 16:32:53

Applying your logic suggests that someone who is struggling to conceive or hasn't found a partner deserves it too, which is clearly wrong. You're overthinking things and getting offended for no reason.

SpringHen Sat 24-Feb-18 16:33:11

Its usually said with resentment/jealousy and/or the implication that you either dont appreciate what youve got or dont deserve what youve got.

Its passive agressive 80% of the time!

Greenteandchives Sat 24-Feb-18 16:35:37

I don’t like being told I’m lucky. Fortunate, maybe but it’s not all luck, and often the result of hard work and considered choices.

SpringHen Sat 24-Feb-18 16:35:50

Also recently someone who clearly wants a baby told me I was lucky to have my baby. Again it kind of felt like she was saying I didn't deserve my DD somehow.

Agree thats loaded. It implies that you need to be TOLD to appreciate your child. It also assumes that you havent had any struggles in your path to parenthood

TheNaze73 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:36:56

YANBU. I think there are some weird people who put that down to luck

SpinMill Sat 24-Feb-18 16:37:02

I Can totally see where you're coming from. Along similar lines, I got fed up of colleagues telling me how 'lucky' I was to have secured a new job elsewhere, I felt it wasn't down to luck, I put a lot of work and effort into getting the new position.

SleepingStandingUp Sat 24-Feb-18 16:37:47

Thing is stuff like pregnancy, you didn't get the because fou deserve if or earned it. It is luck. Ok you might have worked hard to lose weight, have undergone gruelling ivf, experienced 14 miscarriages - it's still luck. Its lucky the egg and sperm got it on and implanted and grew into a baby. And people who want and try nd cant are unlucky. They aren't undeserving or not trying hard enough or not as good as you.

So yabu.

Now if tiu got a promotion based on hard work and achievement and someone said you were lucky then no, its hard work. If someone says you're lucky to have a good husband, no its a discerning taste, good judgement

But you are lucky to be pregnant and that isn't a bad thing.

dontquit Sat 24-Feb-18 16:38:53

I don't know. I've just found out I'm pregnant again and feel extremely lucky for the dc I have and this one. It was my first mth trying and I'm lucky it worked. A close relative is doing ivf and has several failed attempts. She would be an amazing mother so it doesn't seem fair. A colleague has had multiple failed attempts at ivf and is now too old and has drawn a line under it. I would say they have both worked a lot harder at having children than me.
I can see how the man saying your oh is lucky was insulting though. Likewise if you inherit money when a parent dies (hardly lucky).
With regards to work and studies it's up in the air. If you worked hard to achieve it's hardly luck but maybe it's lucky that your parents were able to afford to send you to university or were encouraging with studies/life etc.
so no I wouldn't always take it as an insult.

littlepeas Sat 24-Feb-18 16:39:33

Things like working hard to further your career are in a different category to the OP's examples though.

buckeejit Sat 24-Feb-18 16:39:46

Fertile women who can conceive are incredibly lucky. Deserving it has nothing to do with anything. It's different to stuff you've worked hard for. Similarly I have some amazing friends who are single while some others have met their spouse in random surprising ways so I view that as lucky/unlucky

treaclesoda Sat 24-Feb-18 16:41:48

It can either mean nothing or it can mean a lot.

Saying someone's lucky to have a baby isn't implying that you don't deserve it, you're reading too much into it.

If a younger person tells me that I am lucky to own my house they are right. A combination of working hard and prioritising home buying contributed to me being able to afford it, but the principle factor was the fact that when I bought my first house, they were much cheaper than they are now. That wasn't anything I did, it was just luck.

Jaygee61 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:42:58

Thing is stuff like pregnancy, you didn't get the because fou deserve if or earned it. It is luck. Ok you might have worked hard to lose weight, have undergone gruelling ivf, experienced 14 miscarriages - it's still luck. Its lucky the egg and sperm got it on and implanted and grew into a baby. And people who want and try nd cant are unlucky. They aren't undeserving or not trying hard enough or not as good as you.

This. If you have Couple A and Couple B, they’ve both had five attempts at IVF and both have one last go, Couple A are successful, Couple B are not. The only difference between Couple A and Couple B is that Couple A got lucky.

ShiftyMcGifty Sat 24-Feb-18 16:45:00

Every single A list celebrity movie star and rock star is lucky. They are not more talented or special than the thousands of others trying to achieve the very same dream. They just got lucky being in right place, right time, knowing the right people.

And the smart ones don’t forget that.

Eltonjohnssyrup Sat 24-Feb-18 16:46:45

Well nobody ‘deserves’ a baby. They’re something you get if a completely random set of biological things happen. Most of which Mother’s who have children don’t have them because they deserve them. Women who don’t aren’t undeserving.

And, yes, the function of your reproductive system is luck.

FourEyesGood Sat 24-Feb-18 16:48:04

I was extremely lucky to be born into a first world country. I have to remind myself of this whenever I feel that things aren’t going my way.

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